What does it mean when my ex husband only wants sex from me?

[Anonymous]

We were in a relationship for 12 years, married for 4 and I left him because of his drinking. I wanted him to realize that he had a good woman. I packed and left with the kids. None of which are his and he was mad that I just left with no notice. Then he moved out of our house and in with his sister. He says that he loves sex with me and that he still finds me attractive although I don't feel that way right now. He filed for divorce 2 months after I left, I signed the papers and sent them back. But I miss him like crazy I never thought he would have filed for divorce. He tells me that he is still very attracted to me and that he will always be there for me but he can't be in a relationship with me. He is worried that I will sleep with someone else, but assures me that he isn't looking to sleep with anyone but me I don't believe him. Is there hope?

[lavender]

You left him because of his drinking. Did he get sober? If not, you'll find yourself right back in the same scenario with an alcoholic. Why would you want a FWB sexual relationship with your ex? Sounds like a lose-lose heartbreaking dynamic.

My advice is to put your hopes in finding a man who can provide a more fulfilling, healthy relationship.

[Asker]

No, he still drinks. I think that when I left and he didn't care about it, it hurt me. I guess it backfired or something. Then he immediately filed for divorce, didn't see that coming at all. He didn't even want to discuss anything. I guess I was shocked by it, but I am sent the divorce papers back signed, I am hurt but I know that I can't fight for something that the other person isn't feeling. I guess it was flipped around on me and I am the one hurt now. Thx for responding!

[lavender]

Well, good for you for walking away from an alcoholic. But the thing is that you cannot change him. And if he chose booze over you, you need to accept that. I'm sorry, it must be a tough one for you. But he's still saying he doesn't want a relationship with you, only the benefits. Not cool!

[Asker]

It has been a slow process but I do know that I can't change him. He did choose to drink when I told him that I couldn't take it anymore. It will get better, it hasn't even been six months yet. Thanks again. You and jdmguy really made sense to me and I appreciate the complete honesty.

[jdmguy]

Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? Loose him obviously you and your kids werent good enough to get him to go to AA. Of course he wants you to not be with someone else. If you did that you might like it and leave him. You do sound like a good woman but don't be stupid for HIM. REMEMBER HE IS YOUR EX for a reason!

[Asker]

Thanks. I've heard that before. I am trying, I just feel like such a whiner right now. The drinking was a problem and that is why I left him. You are right, I have been trying to get back into myself. I just started working out again, to help with energy... excited about that. Thanks again!