Asking partner to get a vasectomy?

[Anonymous]

A few details to start with: I am in a happy long term relationship. I have a lot of health problems, and it's becoming harder to maintain hormonal contraception due to my various illnesses. I am also allergic to latex and spermicide, so can't use condoms long term. My doctors and I have discussed several options, but even tubal ligation or a hysterectomy have a high likelihood of causing serious complications. Pregnancy could apparently kill me. I have previously mentioned the idea of a vasectomy to my partner but he is resistant. Unfortunately, I am running out of options, save abstinence (and neither of us wants that). We are both young, in our 20s, so is it unreasonable for me to ask him to undergo a vasectomy?

[Boromir]

It’s not unreasonable to suggest it as a viable option. What however is unreasonable is to resent him for not wanting to do it. I can sense from the feedback you give to the others that this is the only option for you and you’re almost seeking forceful confirmation form the people here that it would be the right and only thing to do.

He is entitled to not wanting to get sterilized at this moment, many people don’t know if and when they want kids. It’s also for some men related to their feeling of masculinity, independent of really wanting to have them, lacking the _posability_ to ‘make’ them could scare men. _Other_ men might feel relieved that they can’t impregnate anymore, to each their own.

Did you look at Essure & Novasure? Discuss with your ObGyn if these could be an option in your situation.

And if in the end you still go with his OK for a vasectomy look at things like freezing his sperm, and make sure you pick a good and responsible clinic as not everybody’s sperm is good enough to be successfully frozen.

[Anonymous]

A tubal ligation should not have a high likelihood of causing serious complications, unless you have a pre-existing health issue, that makes it high risk. But in itself, a tubal ligation should be low risk. Re. a vasectomy. I would have a difficult time having a vasectomy for a woman I was not married to, for some time, especially if in my 20's. Relationship break up so easily and unexpectedly, that I'd be concerned about getting a vasectomy for a girl, she leaves me, and then I can't have a child with any girl, and a girl might not want me, if I couldn't have children.

[Asker]

As I said, I have several health issues, one of which is severe internal adhesions from a previous surgery. My fallopian tubes, uterus and bowel are all scarred together.

[Anonymous]

Have you looked into non latex condoms?

[Asker]

Yes. Unfortunately they're expensive and still usually have spermicide. Also costs a lot if you're regularly using condoms.

[Buckzor]

I would say it is, what happens if you two end up breaking up? Does he ever want kids in life? Maybe not now, but he possibly will later.

But if you two really think you'll stay together, then go for it, talk to him about it.

[CapnHawk]

Even long-term relationships can go sour. What happens if the two of you part company?

[Asker]

I get that. I don't think we will, I certainly hope we don't. Unfortunately I am running out of birth control options, other than no sex at all.

[CapnHawk]

Until you tie the knot, you can always opt for oral sex. I vote down the hysterectomy option as too drastic at this point. That leaves you getting your tubes tied or his nuts clipped. If he's good with, a vasectomy is the best option. That's the route I've taken and it was a piece of cake.

[tzdc21]

You do understand that he may want kids in the future right? A vasectomy isn't the same as birth control. This is a potentially PERMANENT effect that isn't always reversible, and every guy would much prefer that if he's taking care of a child, that the child is his own biological child. A vasectomy puts that at risk. So think VERY carefully about that subject before you bring it up with him.

[Diznedude]

What about an IUD? Asking him to get a vasectomy is a huge step if you are not married. Hell, it's a huge step if he is married to you. Maybe freezing a supply? The is a very hard question.

[Asker]

I have tried almost every form of birth control. I react very badly to all hormone supplements, and have a history of aura migraines, so my risk of stroke is high. Copper IUDs would cause medical problems too.

[Diznedude]

Wow. I am so very sorry. You are in a terrible situation. All I can say is that all you can do is ask and research ways to be able to work around it f kids are in the future at all. I wish you all the best.

[Asker]

I appreciate the sympathy. Fortunately I don't want children anyway, so that's a bonus.

[Intraluminal]

This is a really unlikely scenario. A tubal ligation is a minor procedure. If you can't survive that, then you're too I'll to have sex anyway.

[Asker]

Nothing done under general anaesthetic is a minor procedure, FYI. And I have severe pelvis adhesions from previous surgeries, so the risk of an adhesion causing a bowel tear is high.

[Intraluminal]

Essure doesn't require general, and it goes via the uterus, so its very unlikely to affect the intestines.

[Anon-ymous1]

"Unreasonable?" Well, reason is neither here nor there; he'll do something like that of his own accord or he won't. It's perfectly fine for you to bring it up to him as something that has been on your mind, but not as "Hey will you get this done for me?" kind of thing. You simply explain to him what you're thinking and feeling and he'll consider it. And then either he'll do it or he won't. It's quite a thing to ask someone. I don't think it's a big deal personally because I don't want to reproduce, but maybe he does want that some day.

[DanOh2018]

You'll have to ask him, but I'd be unwilling to go that far. Maybe you could have some of his sperm frozen and consider a surrogate in the future. Kids are important to many men though.

[Asker]

Yeah, I know what your saying. We have had the kids chat, and neither of us are keen on having them anyway.

[DanOh2018]

He's twenty... His opinion is likely to change in ten or fifteen years

[Asker]

No, I said we are in our 20s. He is 28, I am 25.

[DanOh2018]

Hmm well his call but the iud solution was good too

[Asker]

An IUD would not be a good solution. I can't use hormonal ones, and a copper would potentially cause a recurrence of inflammatory disease.

[HalloPeoplz]

Tell about about jackin and stackin

[Anonymous]

Doctors have a tendency to refuse to give men vasectomies in their 20s. Even if he wanted to get one he might still not be able to get one.

[Anonymous]

Unless he never wants kids with anyone then he is to young to do that. That’s usually for guys that had kids already or are positive they would never want them with anyone

[Asker]

I get that. But the options are gradually becoming 'vasectomy' or 'no sex'.

[Opinion Owner]

Well if you’re the one that will almost die if pregnant then tubal ligation May be the best solution so there is no chance of pregnancy I would think so no matter who you are with since most relationships don’t last anymore

[Asker]

Unfortunately I have severe abdominal and pelvic adhesions. My fallopian tubes, uterus, and bowel are all stuck together with scar tissue. It makes any sort of surgery to the area very difficult and dangerous.