Sexual Health
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Is it wrong for me not to want him to watch porn and jerk off to pornographic/sexy pictures of other women?

I never watched porn. Always felt its not ok and that it messes up your mind and sexual desires/arousal. Scientific studies proved that I was correct. My boyfriend is open about the porn he watches and I used not have a problem with it until i realized it was making him perverted and almost anything became sexual. I could say something like "college seems like a cool place to make friends, i should go to college for social reasons" and he would go " college dudes be fucking with high school chicks. That's how it is". Perfect example was he was in a group on a game and listening to a convo with a chick and she was talking about romeo and Juliet with Dicaprio and he said " that's some renaissance porn right there"... The chick literally left right after that. Everything is sexual and dirty. So after finding a few weird things PLUS he was showing signs of porn addiction. I told him to stop watching it.. Including sexy/pornographic pictures. He agreed to all that I've said and he was already trying to quit porn too cold turkey. He was doing good, then I saw his history (we have given each other the thumbs up to have access to each other phones and do whatever. I check bc im nosy not bc i don't trust him). He looked up sexy pictures from deviant art. Our sex life is good but he can't get off unless he jerks himself or doggystyle. He even said that getting off to porn is better and faster. I often feel like he doesn't find me as attractive as them and compares me to the women in these videos and pictures. I think that's also why he doesn't ask me for nudes anymore. There are better and HD pictures out there :( Basically its affecting our sex life even tho its good... It could be better and greater.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Tough spot. I agree, porn does get in the way. Porn can be a problem for some. I'll be brutally honest here. Guys go to porn because they aren't satisfied with the sex they get in relationships AND, like he said, it is easier to jerk off to porn sometimes. This again points to an issue where maybe he sees sex with you like a chore or duty, and not so much as fun, exciting and pleasurable as you do. Again, I mean no disrespect, but your story and experience mirrors many many women like you with the same sort of issue. They explain themselves almost identically. The same details are missing every time. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MAINTAIN THE EXCITEMENT? No offense, but many women seem to think all they need to do is make themselves available and spread their legs and that is all their man should ever need and therefore become mystified when he turns to porn. Truth is, our minds are pretty complex when it comes to sex and what turns us on. It is naive to think that one woman can 100% totally satisfy any man. It can't be done. We simply like too much variety. That is one reason we turn to porn. So take me, for example. I like lesbians, my wife doesn't, so I watch porn. I like threesomes, my wife doesn't, so I watch porn. I like freaky stuff sometimes that my wife isn't and won't do, such as anal, so therefore I watch porn. She doesn't like it either, but I also don't let porn become a substitute. My wife still makes an effort to keep the sex we do have fun and exciting. So maybe there is more you can do to keep his interest on you and not porn. I kind of laugh when guys say they like anal, but their girlfriends will never do that. Then those very same girls are on here complaining their boyfriends would rather watch porn than be with them! I'm just using anal as an example, but I hope you see my point. Like I mentioned earlier, some women seem to think simply laying there legs spread is all they have to do. Well, this only puts all the performance pressure and work load on the guy to the point sex is more like work. So it just becomes easier to do your own thing and only have to worry about pleasing yourself when watching porn. Again, sometimes women just have to up their game a bit. Hopefully you can take my criticism with an open mind and positive attitude. Ultimately you need to sit down and talk to him. Don't back him into a corner with blame and guilt either because you might just find out you are partially to blame for this.

    • No that's one thing i don't want to do is shame him and fill him up with guilt. When i spoke to him about it I was both understanding and concerned and he understood. It was a heart to heart conversation. He is my first so I don't have much experience expect for what he teaches me and I what I realized I liked. He likes feet and bondage, wether i tie him up or he ties me up. I like getting manhandled and degraded but he doesn't like that and even talked down on me bc if it. Saying how I should respect myself and he loves me to much to do that. He told me yesterday that he would be happy with just vanilla sex. I tried spicing things out but im too shy about it and he doesn't really hype me up when i actually do it. He says i know his fetishes and kinks, which is what i mentioned before. We have tried anal many times and gone through it but its very painful for me, also we stop doing it for other reasons.

    • I have asked him what does he like me to do when i give him a blow job which i have followed and even looked up tips on the web. He says im good but apparently not good enough to make him :( so lately he has been very aggressive when I give him one. Ending up throwing up twice on different occasions and with a hurt throat. Im always up trying to do something new and he just tells me he is satisfied with how our sex is now and his taste is vanilla or even gives me a shrug. So why watch weird porn? If you're not even gonna try it. Porn that he before wasn't interested in? And went against his morals? its bc he watched too much of his type f porn and needed a new stimulus. Porn addiction.

    • You sound very open and willing to try and learn. Good for you, I applaud that. It does sound like he is addicted. It also sounds like he has a performance problem with you which may be hurting his confidence and fueling his desire to turn to porn. I find it weird he is asking for vanilla sex with you. Something is up. Either he really isn't into you and is scared or feels guilty to admit it because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings, or he has some deep mental issues with sex and being with another person is just not fulfilling. I start to wonder if he was maybe abused as a child or brought up to believe sex is a dirty and shameful thing.

  • Not wrong for you to want him to stop looking at porn at all. You want him to be satisfied by you. On that note, maybe... just maybe... watch one or two pornos yourself. Not to get off to, but so you can maybe fulfill some of the fantasies he has. It probably has less to do with the ladies looks and more to do with the sexual acts that keep drawing him back. Just a suggestion though!

    Other than that, even if he doesn't ask, for nudes. Doesn't mean he doesn't want them haha. He may think that you are annoyed by his asking. Maybe just ask what you could do to help him quit! Let him know that you don't want to punish him for watching porn and that you want it to be a team effort.

    • I have watched and skimmed through some porn a month ago just to see why he might watch it and get an idea and try something. I wasn't turned on at all. Especially with some of the things i know about the porn industry. We have done having sex in the park, he said its another fetish of him. He loved it. We can't always do it tho. I have asked him if there's any other else he would luke to try and he said no. He likes feet so we always incorporate that in our sex life. Bondage as well but he doesn't want to try that. He tells me he is satisfied and like our sex to be vanilla. I have told him what i liked and he doesn't like doing those bc he says he doesn't want to degrade me. I like to be roughly handled, choked and slapped.. A little name calling too, kinky but its also vanilla.

    • As for nudes. . well. I have sent him plenty without him asking. He was try about it like " thanks babe😘" "😘😘😘" " thank your for sending this too me".. Dry things like that. He also used to follows lots of naked chicks on snapchat and they post lots of nudes and sexual acts. So i felt that's why he was so dry.. He is used to seeing better nudes from better looking women. He asked why my nudes were low definition. The nudes he is used to are HD. Since then I stopped. He never sent me nudes expect for once when i pressed him about it. Later found out he videos himself jerking off but never sent them to me. We got into an argument about it. I thought it I kept jabbing him about it he would explode and confess that he sent them to other girls. He never did, instead he exploded saying its fetish of him to record sexual acts.

    • hmmm interesting... don't take this the wrong way. But I feel like he is hiding something. But you are honestly a huge catch if you are willing to do all those things for him. I hope everything works out!

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Most Helpful Girls

  • That reminds me of That moovie: "Don Jon" LOL. his girlfriend was according to male thinking a clear 10 ! but that wasn't sattisfying for him as when he watches porn, he clearly wanted a girl who can fulfill every single fantasy like those porn girls who are ready to take it from behind (excuse me fr this) or to BJ him and this is not what his woman wanted in a relationship. hope i helped, you should watch it by the way. good luck :)

    • Just might lol hope its on netflix. Maybe but its affecting our sex life and causing me to be insecure. feel free to read my other replies in other comment threads for more details

  • You can want what you want, but you cannot force him to agree.

    We women like to chastise men for porn, but what do you think trashy romance novels are? Porn for women. Just because it is not visually graphic that it doesn't have a similar purpose.

    • Im pretty sure I've said he agreed to everything I've said somewhere in there... Also read my other replies for more insight. Also i don't think anyone reads trashy romance novels or erotica Any more... Except for 50 SoB. Porn was scientifically proven to cause damage to the minds of its viewers and their sex lives. At least novels forces you to use your imagination and gotta read the whole book. Do people masturbates whole ready a dirty part to the books? Porn are 2-3 mins of fucking and male orgasms after days of trying to put it all in one small short video... Just to jerk of for 4 minutes?

    • Then why post?

    • Did you not read my post or question?

  • No it is not. Porn addiction is horrible. Studies have shown that porn mess with you brain. You should get him help immediately. God Bless.

    • Yeah. He is not one to seek out help

    • Not all the time but plenty of the the time

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I don't watch porn but have many friends that do. I don't really like the cold turkey method. When trying to help friends stop or at least limit it they seem to relaspe a lot. There are many reason guys watch porn most of it isn't to compare their girlfriend to the porn stars. I think if you can you should watch one or even with him to get an understanding on why he likes it and what's his appeal of it so you can have better knowledge of getting him to slow down.

    • I have and I still don't get it. He tells me he is satisfied with out sex and likes it to be vanilla. I have tried spicing things up and asking what he would like me to do and what he would like to try. He gives me a shrug or says he is satisfied.

  • Ehhh its a touchy subject. Cause you are essentially taking away his ability to have control over his body

    And i think that is a very risky move. Could end up in fustration and eventually hate towards you

    • He actually agrees with me

  • Yes.

  • The problem is with your boyfriend then. Porn is entirely different from real life sex. If he does what you said he does like passing vulgar comments (yeah, that Renaissance porn. I think it's kinda vulgar) , then he is confusing things. Porn is entirely for recreational purposes and if it hinders with the relationship then he has to change himself.

  • Nope, porn is degeneracy.

    • Thank you. I think the same of pornographic pictures and sexy pictures too

  • l dont watch porn l prefer a girl and to always respect the girl

    • omg l love girls for been girls they are fantastic l wish to date a nice girl?

    • Aye thats whats up!

    • yes very true lol

  • No it is not wrong of you. Porn kills relationships

    • Yes it does and now i have scientific proof. Wish porn wasn't seen as normal...

  • It's not bad just tell him but you might satisfy that nee of him

    • What was that last bit?

    • You going g to satisfy the sex need, so you'll replace sex with his masturbation

    • He masturbates anyways when im not there

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  • In his case, it's a problem. He has to jerk off or only do it doggy style? BIG RED FLAG right there

    • Lately giving him a blow job is a pain. Now he has taken to aggressively shove it down my throat bc its "makes 'him' cum faster and it feels good".. Well... He has made me throw up twice and my throat hurts for a while.

    • He's being very selfish. Tell him you're done!

    • Our sex life is pretty vanilla. He likes it that way.. Im good it too as he is my first and I don't have much experience. We have other positions but doggystyle of the only one he cums in

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  • There is nothing wrong with watching porn. Usually it's not the porn that's messing up a couple's sex life, but someone's insecurities.

    • Its been proven porn ruins sex lives and relationships due to how it sets unrealistic standards and expectations. And people prefer fantasy over real life. Check my other replies as well

  • If you were a smart and proper girlfriend you would watch it with him.

    • Porn doesn't interest me and im not into fucking up my psyche for temporary pleasure. Scientifically proven that its fucks up your mind and morals. So no thanks

    • No scientifically proven it provides healthy sex lives to couples.

    • No it doesn't. Go do some research

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