He has a girlfriend, but he cheats on her with me? What do I do?

Question

I loved and still love this guy I've known for a couple of years. He has been through many girlfriends and he says he loves me too sometimes. The problem is he keeps telling me that he is not ready for a serious relationship, and yet he is always in a relationship. When he breaks up with a girl, its all boo hoo and then he's right back again. Right now he has a girlfriend, but he has been cheating on her with me. I gave him blowjobs, we grope and flirt and stuff. I'm guessing its because his current girlfriend doesn't give him that, she takes things slow. She is not a friend of mine but I know her well enough.When I bring up conversation along the lines of "I do this and that and why won't you date me?" etc. I get the same answer, either he avoids me for a long period of time or he says He's not ready for a serious relationship.I know its really wrong of me to do all this to him, but I love him and I love doing it. I really need help on finding out how to talk to him about this situation without him avoiding me. Trust me I tried telling him I love him and such, he's clearly aware of it. Yet he still doesn't want to date me. If we stop whatever we do for a long period of time, he does miss it but refuses to date me. I know his reputation is not a big problem because he barely has one.No I don't stalk him or anything. I sometimes make him back off a little bit sometimes. But nothing I can do really works. What should I do?

jessthatgirl · Accepted Answer

Well first off, you do know that it is wrong to be involved with a guy who has a guy with a girlfriend, regardless if he is happy with his own girlfriend or not. If so, let me tell you this, though I do not agree to what you have been doing, all I can tell you is that I have a feeling that he is just using you. Have you ever tried to back off a bit? give him space? See what he does, will he come back to you? actually date you? If he just let's you go that easy then you are probably just a 'booty call' to him. Especially since you've been expressing so much of how you love him he knows that you really want him and feels like he is needed and special that he thinks that he doesn't need much effort to get what he wants from you. You know? I really think that even if you really love him, just let him go for now. Try to do other things, show that you are independent and you can do stuff without him and show him you are contented without him. You can only do so much. If you do this maybe, it'll make you more sure if he loves you or is using you. Leave him be, let him work for your love if you know what I mean.

wiseup · Accepted Answer

Have you ever heard the phrase "why buy the cow if the milk is free"?  I think you need to take a big reality check here.  "I know it's really wrong of me to do all this to him..." you sound like you're apologizing for hurting him!  Hello...you're giving him exactly what he wants without him having to do anything in return!  I know when you feel in love it seems like you can move the very earth itself with the strength of your conviction alone but sweety...it ain't going to happen.  Re-read your own words and pretend it's someone else's situation.  If a close girlfriend came to you with this kind of story wouldn't you tell her to get the heck out of the situation?  That it's poisonous and no good for her?  He avoids you, he blows you off, he apparently comes knocking on your door when he needs a little physical connection, HE CHEATS ON GIRLS!  Even if he did decide to start dating you...what do you think he's going to be doing behind your back?

nice_lil_sprout · Accepted Answer

Well, it's pretty obvious your his booty-call.  If you really want him to stop, then stop responding.  I was involved with someone who was engaged (didn't know at first) and I began to like him, a lot.  I realized that he wasn't going to break up with his fiance for me, so I cut him off.  I wanted to be a girlfriend, not a mistress!  Plus, even if you did go out with him, how would you trust him to not sleep with other girls?  Who's to say he doesn't have multiple sex partners while he has a girlfriend?

ILoveBuggingYou · Accepted Answer

Honestly, you're making yourself out to be a bit of a desperate and easy girl. Don't pump it into your head that you love this guy, consider why you like him so much and it may easily turn out that you just want him because you can't have him. As for why he won't date you, well you're like his free booty call, he can do anything he wants with you and not have to put in any sort of commitment. Have some respect for yourself, and don't focus so hard on 1, there have got to be some seriously redeeming qualities about this guy if you "love" him so much, but if he's cheating on his girlfriend with you I can't quite seem to find them. Think about it if you two even did end up dating do you think he'd be faithful to you? I'm sure you're a perfectly decent looking girl, don't be so focused on 1 guy, that you forget others around you, for all you know there might be a guy somewhere who likes you just for you, he might not be what you're expecting, but that's not always a bad thing.

setcheck67 · Accepted Answer

You're his sex option. 3 types of relationship people exist in this world. There is the "nice guy/girl" that is friends with whom they wish to be with and hopes one day something else can result. There is the "romantic" whom gives their all to get the one they want. Then you have the kind of person you're with. The "stud/studette" whom only has objective in being with you and that is to feed their already overgrown ego and possibly get some free stuff out of it. You are most likely not the only one as stud's tend to be pretty good players. After all what's stopping them when they have the money/natural looks/power to get whomever and whatever they want?

Bluemonk · Answer

He's stringing you along so that he can have sex with you.

It is that simple.

Stop having sex with him and find someone who will treat you with some respect and give you the real relationship that you desire.

And he's a cheater lol... they are garbage >_>

Not the type of guy you should go after anyway if you're looking for a relationship.

1snobunnie · Answer

Your sex partner will never leave his girlfriend. I hate to tell you but you are his human garbage can. She is the one that he will take home to his mom to meet. Cheaters NEVER prosper. It is a proven fact that those who cheat WITH... will cheat ON. You should move on and hurt his feelings.

tolerantturtle · Answer

U remove yourself from the equation. Sounds him and his girlfriend belong to each other...they both cheat.  Stay away from it all and find a man that doesn't cheat on his "girlfriend"  how awful he will probably do it to you as well.

notapoodle · Answer

I think you need to think about what you want right now. Seems to me you want a relationship. If you are with him you are stopping yourself meeting other people... someone who will treat you with a bit of respect.

DanielSan · Answer

can you just accept your his fall back? If you enjoy f***ing him then enjoy it just don't expect more..

05Jueey · Answer

Wow do you have low self-esteem? What are you doing with this guy who is in a relationship? Obviously if he's public with this other girl than he does not respect you whatsoever. How do you not see that? Wow this will haunt you forever if you do not choose to be strong and STAY AWAY FROM HIM. :)

medgirl2010 · Answer

you deserve so much better than this, he needs to make a decision and make sure you get it across that you are NOT a bootycall

kld1984 · Answer

Please let this go...that's what you should do...you will look back on this especially if you do and will thank god you did.

Deepnthoughts · Answer

Sorry ...i know you have feelings for this guy..but you deserve a guy that will be all for you...I really dislike it when guys do that ...You doing this makes it OK in his book..Its wrong in so many ways..The girl he is with his girlfriend is being used as well as you are...This guy needs a kick in the ass..What about dieases..or pregnancy this could ruin your life in so many ways...He is never going to love your or respect you now...IF these incidents occur your all alone...Protect and care for yourself...dont expect him to do it...this guy is a hazard to your health and mind ..if you continue don't blame anyone but yourself...you know what he is doing he upfront about it your the dummy here...srrry for being so honest ...uugh some men ...Good luck...

salsbula · Answer

Think of it this way, if he'll cheat with you he'll cheat on you just as easily..  It's hard to see, but that's a personality trait he's showing more than not wanting a serious relationship. He's using you. And as long as you give it to him, he's gonna take it. He needs to see that to be with you, he needs to actually BE with YOU, not her.