Sexual Health
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He couldn't keep it up, and wouldn't eat me. Tips?

So my boyfriend and I intended to have the entire day together for our first time... So there were a couple of things that went wrong, and I'm looking for a little help. When he went down on me for a minute, he asked me if I had showered, and that I should shower because it tasted bad. Now, I REALLY prepared for today. I waxed myself completely and then I followed my normal routine of washing up down there with Summer's eve. But thinking that maybe, just maybe, I may have done a sloppy job at showering, I ran to the bathroom and spent 5 minutes washing it again- only for him not to go down on me when I get back :/ I didn't ask because I was afraid of insinuating something he was no longer interested in... I can't think of why I would smell or taste badly, I'm a vegetarian, I don't eat onions or garlic, and I've been really conscious about what I eat because we only had today to be together completely alone... and it would have been his first time doing anything of the sort and our first time together. The second problem arose as he put on the condom. I went down on him, he was hard as a rock, and the moment the condom came on he almost instantly went completely soft. So I tried to get him off again, but he got frustrated with himself. I tried to tell him that it happens to everyone and that he was probably just nervous for his first time but that didn't really help. So we took a break and played video games, made some food, and relaxed. When we got back to it again, another thing that was slightly upsetting happened. He fingered me a little, I really wasn't wet enough to do anything, so I went down on him because that usually makes me really wet. So I do that and just as I was contemplating having him put on a condom he looks out the window and says that he has to call his uncle to pick him up because it's getting dark out. Even though he came all the way over here because of me, he's staying with family so he also has other obligations, but he really could have just taken the metro home, its a 30 minute trip to his family's house. I'm not sure how to feel. I'm not sure how to do, and I'm really upset. I feel like never allowing him to go down on me again, I wouldn't want to put him through that since there's really nothing else I can do (unless you have some tips or something). And I just feel like maybe he's really not ready to lose his virginity, or I'm doing something TERRIBLY wrong. I'm so upset. I'm trying not to be a little bitch about it, because I really like him. But I just don't know what I'm doing wrong... I feel like I put so much effort in making myself perfect and he had a ton of stubble on his face, which was really painful, and he's never trimmed before.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Okay, I'm gonna take a stab at this.

    If this was your boyfriend's first time, then chances are the fact that he really didn't seem to know what he was doing was causing performance anxiety. If he's never gone down on a girl, then chances are, he has no idea what it tastes like--so that might have been surprising. A couple different factors can contribute as far as taste goes. I highly doubt that you "tasted" bad. But, one thing you said got me thinking. You said you washed with Summer's Eve prior to sexual activity. Was it just the Summer's Eve feminine wash or was it the Summer's Eve Douche?

    Douching can SERIOUSLY disturb the balance of vaginal flora in the vagina and destroy the "good" bacteria in there and mess up the overall acidity. This makes it easy for the "bad" bacteria to take over and cause all sorts of nasty things to happen like a yeast infection, a urinary tract infection, or bacterial vaginosis. These things would obviously disturb the taste.

    The vagina is SELF-CLEANSING. It cleans itself by making mucus which washes everything away. Even if it's healthy and clean there is still likely to be a slight scent. Washing it too frequently with scented soaps or anti-bacterial soaps will disturb the vaginal flora and the overall scent. So, if you were going a little crazy with the soap before you and your boyfriend started getting intimate--you might have disturbed things a little. Most gynecologists recommend that you just wash with warm water and MILD soap. Nothing fancy--just keep it simple.

    It also should be noted what your boyfriend was actually eating before he went down on you. If he was eating a strongly flavored food or even a spicy food--it will mess with the way he perceived the taste. If he brushed his teeth and used mouthwash before hand--that could mess with the taste for him too. Or lets be honest, if he's never gone down on a girl before, he might have freaked because he had no idea what he was doing and covered by blaming it on you.

    As for him losing his erection--again, most likely performance anxiety. It happens to even the most virile men sometimes. No big deal. He probably just bailed early because he was embarrassed and didn't know how to tell you. Some guys take that sort of thing hard--so don't believe for a second that that reflects on something you did wrong. It sounds like you pulled out all the stops for this guy and he was just intimidated by you. Let him cool down for a while, and then call him up and ask him why he's upset. It sounds like you really care about him, so I'm sure you two can work it out.

    If you need any help with anything else, please feel free to message me.

  • I think the problem is him,not you.

    It seems as though it's his inexperience that is getting in the way.

    He probably doesn't know how a vagina tastes(salty,tomato like or even sweet) or how it smells.

    I would definitely sit him down and talk to him about how you feel,but don't attack him.He sounds as though he is confused

  • For some reason he sounds like a bit of a douche to me.

    He either doesn't want it or doesn't care.You should probably talk to him about it.

Most Helpful Guys

  • OKAY

    Your boyfriend probably never tasted vagina before. And if you are saying that he got soft and got pissed and made excuses to leave it most likely has to do with embarrassment over not being able to keep it up. So to speak. It usually happens during the first time, and tasting vagina for the first time can be overwhelming for a guy's taste buds. I'd say it's kind of like an acquired taste and I love going down on a girl, especially if she knows how to take care of her pink taco. I like to try different ways of licking, fingering and stroking to see what works for her and it's fun watching as it gets wet and then watching it squirt. The first time I went down on a girl I gagged, but throughout time I've learned how to "EAT OUT" better than a fat guy at Mcdonald's..

    So basically, if he ever loses his hardness, just ignore it. Don't bring it up because it will cause him to focus on it more. Ironic as it is, focusing "hard" on an erection can prevent one.

    Give him some tips too, like thinking of all the noises you'll be making once doing it, or how lusty your breasts look or how you'll smile when he kisses your neck. All those thoughts should...recharge him...

    So next time he goes flaccid just do things to turn him on. Talk dirty to him or explore fantasies and engage in heavy kissing and petting. Act like nothing happened. Also, if he has problems going down on you, you can do other things, like have him stimulate you with his hands. Don't tell him how to do it, but signal to him when he is doing something right. Like maybe moan in pleasure when he fingers you just right. And with practice he'll learn to save your clit for last... :-) wish is always the best. In the mean time check out what I wrote on another question.

    link

    Clean your vagina out with plain water and mild soap, don't use anything that will disrupt the natural flora down there. For instance, many girls will douche bag their vagina, and while it gets rid of all the funky bacteria down there it also gets rid of all the good and natural bacteria that serves as s balance and fights odor causing germs. With the elimination of good bacteria, odor causing bacteria grows rapidly again, leaving a rotting stinky fishy stench coming out from your twat and may even lead to some vaginal infections.

    Sorry bout the graphic details of this comment. Sorry to anyone that was offended.

    • Thanks :) But I'm with someone new who loves going down on me lol.

  • Sounds to me like the problem is him, not you. Either he's not ready or he's not into you, and either way he's not man enough yet to face the truth. You can try to talk to him about it, but I doubt he will. You can stick around and be frustrated until he figures out what's going on in his head, which could take a long, long time. Or you can dump him and find someone who's got their head on a little straighter. The only person who can decide which is the right course of action is you.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 6

  • Maybe he's not really ready. It sounds like he got cold feet. I think you should ask him why, and not assume that he doesn't like you.

  • Look honey, it was all your fault. You put too much pressure on him, and he got turned off by your vagina. I have also gone limp when putting on a condom, but that has only happened when I'm already turned off by the girl to begin with. It's all your fault.

  • He's gay...

    I mean that or he is repulsed by you, but I get the feeling he's gay...

    • eating a women that been f***ed by other men is gross

  • wow the guy got shafted., you don't need him pick a guy who can go like 5 time in a row... call me

  • Well he might not like the smell of pussy some guys are like that I know I love it and you did clean up nice so I would have made sure you commend by eating you out and a guy that can't stay hard there's something up with that and if I lick it I promise I'm going to finish the job but always please your lover I'm sure it's not you sounds like you went the extra mile and what he did wasn't right at all to leave you horny like that

  • i don't go down on women that have f***ed other men

  • It's his first time so he is nervous. It does seem rude to me that he would say you need to take a shower, not really sure what to tell you about that. When he was putting the condom on his focus wasn't on you so he lost his erection and probably was embarrassed about it so it didn't go back up. As for running off in the middle of it who knows. Ask him about it and if you can't have an open conversation you two aren't ready to share sex together.

  • When he said you smell, did you two just come from a long night of dancing? Where you wearing jeans the entire time? Also, did you have a bowl movement before having sex? Some women don't wash properly after that, just use toilet paper, not paper towel with soap and water for a more thorough cleansing.

    Also, do you smoke? All those toxins can reek up a girls vagina fluids. Yet another reason I don't date smokers.

    Also, condom fellatio doesn't really feel as good as the real thing, and may he was a bit turned off by that (unless he knew before hand you were going to ask for covering). But it's okay because you're being safe.

    And finally, you should talk to him as to why you're upset. Forget about soundling like a little bitch, just tell him you prepared for the night and was disappointed nothing happen.

    • No, it was at like 10 in the morning after a long shower, I was wearing a dress, I went to the restroom the night before, I don't drink or smoke. We weren't using a condom during oral. And I feel like if he is worried about performance, talking about it any further will make him more stressed... or will it? idk

    • Well he's a virgin, and probably talking about it will ease him up a bit. First time I did it the older woman talked me through it...was nice.

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