Why do women not like virgins?

If you're a woman past your late teens or early twenties and are going to deny you won't take a virgin guy serious I don't want your damn sympathy because I've either already had it or been denied it lol. What I want to know is why women think staying pure (having little experience) is so great for themselves but any guy without experience is a huge turnoff?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Women revel in their sexual power over men because it's the one power they’ve always had in a culture run by men (or at least male-centric ideas). Some of them want to make you feel like $#!+, because it helps their own self esteem. DON'T BUY INTO THE LIE, though. Society’s set up to debase the underdog. If you have no job experience, for instance, it's harder to get hired (but how are you supposed to get job experience if no one ever hires you?). If you're poor and accidentally damage a rich person's property, you get to pay for it, and go into debt, and have less opportunities in life (even though they're so rich they could EASILY pay for it themselves and forgive you for the accident). It’s those at the bottom that get stepped on. Then kids shoot up their school and people ask WHY? The answer’s pretty obvious. People refuse to do what it takes to change this world for the better. It’s the same way with sex as it is with everything. Those at the bottom get hurt and humiliated. It’s just more painful with something like sex, because it’s supposed to be as much about connection and intimacy as it is about pleasure. Anyone who gives you $#!+ for being a virgin doesn't deserve whatever pleasure they’re seeking. They’re a bully who gets off on debasing you. Ignore them. Find a REAL human being with a HEART. People can only shatter you when you're brittle with need in the first place. You're bigger than sex. You're bigger than love. Every human being’s a miracle. You don't a lover to validate your existence. You're worth more than the pain you’ve internalized. Believe in your own self-worth. FEEL it. Anyone that makes a mockery of your virginity is a sociopath, cruel and undeserving of your love. Be open to love wherever it comes from and sex with follow suit eventually as an expression of that connection.

    • Absolutely stunning comments. I applaud you.

  • Because virgins don't know how to treat a lady right. That's why he is still a virgin (except maybe for religious reasons, which I doubt is the case here).

    Treating a lady right is a subtle art, which takes a lifetime to master, and then you are too old to use it. I don't declare myself to be any kind of ladies man BTW. Read some books on women, like "men are from mars" And LISTEN to women. I mean listen and absorb it in your brain. And then translate it to what it means in man speak (in your head not out loud). Trust me, they like it, bro.

    • i think these is a bit of BS. I mean, I was of that opinion & definitely not good with girls, lost my virginty at 30, but as long as this myth of WOMAN is put forward, there will be problems. All I know is when I was at the f***ing kinderkarten I had not problem with girls &my desire for them, had my innocent little girlfriendsetc. Then I got f***ed up with all this BS about ladies and women,as superior misterious beings. OK what a pulpit is mine, but my 2cents anyway

Most Helpful Girls

  • You start to wonder WHY he's a virgin, and I think it's the reasoning that matters more. Bear in mind here that I'm a non-religious English girl so I was brought up with slightly different ideas about sex than the US.

    If I met a guy who was a virgin and it was because he could never get a girl to sleep with him, I'd wonder why that was. I mean, does he have a barbed penis or something? In which case, I'm not going there either! If it was because he wanted to stay a virgin until marriage, I wouldn't go there either - but that's only because those aren't my views. I think if you're going to have sex when you're married, you want to make sure you have similar turn-ons and fetishes etc. For example, I couldn't marry a golden showers guy. Not happening.

    I think for some of us it's also that we want him to know what he's doing. This isn't necessarily down to knowledge of what girls like, but confidence. I've slept with virgin guys; one was so nervous it didn't happen the first time. Which is normal I guess, and I didn't have a problem with it, but it just makes for a smoother transition if you go straight into it. Also you might think that because he's a virgin, he's only ever watched p*rn and expects everything to be like that. There are lots of reasons. It's not necessarily fair, but I guess it's just the way it is. The only way to get around it really is to be confident in who you are and keep going til you find a girl you want to date/marry/etc - which is just what non-virgins do anyway! The problem is when you're like Jim from American Pie - THAT'S a turnoff!

    • I think your answer is good but you're a bit misguided. I don't know many normal guys into "golden showers"; that sounds like a reason to avoid commitment. Date a normal, respectful guy and you should be fine. As to a virgin not performing the first time, I had that problem as I was too nervous. To me, leaving a guy who's a little behind at sex is like a guy leaving you because your boobs are too small. Seems shallow. And any guy who thinks p*rn is reality is... an idiot.

    • Haha I was just kidding about the golden showers bit. I know it's not very likely. I just used it as an example of how you might not get along sexually. It's also a little misguided of you to say that 'normal, respectful' people don't ever have unusual fetishes. I never said anything about leaving a guy because he was a virgin. If we got along fine otherwise, then it's not a problem. It just wouldn't be as smooth as if he wasn't a virgin. Very minor issue, I wouldn't base my decision on it.

    • As for p*rn - yup that's a generalisation too. Just another possibility!

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  • i don't know if most women feel that way, but I do. I think its a personal choice. I'm not into purity for myself, so it only makes sense to find a guy who hasn't avoided sex because he wants to be pure. I'm sure a guy who is really into pure girls wouldn't want a girl like me. so I wouldn't expect or even want him to like me in that way because our opinions are so different.

    i love sex, its amazing, and I have a very sexual or dirty mind. I want another guy who feels the same way. I don't really want a guy who thinks being pure is better, because that obviously shows me that we are on two different pages, and we will be trying to write two different kinds of romance.

    i don't sympathize with virgins at all. its your choice to be a virgin just like its my choice to have sex. as long as you are happy with your choice, then I see you as a person who made the right decision for himself because I know that I have made the right decision for myself and what I want. and really that puts both of us far ahead of what a lot of people do.

    • so the only reason a persaon may be a virgin is because of some purity thing?

    • Just cause you're virgin doesn't mean you're inexperienced.

    • Um being a virgin by definition is lack of experience with sex...

  • I guess because despite society's whole "equality" thing, there still is that underlying difference of the sexes which I believe will never fully cease to exist. There is just something way sexier about the guy knowing what he is doing versus the woman taking the lead (as in, "teaching" the guy). One time I made out with a guy who had never done it before (but I had) and it was the most uncomfortable thing ever. I felt like I was the man, and this was only kissing. It is just a huge turnoff to me as a female to have to lead the guy. I plan to save myself for marriage. I don't care if my future husband is a virgin or not, but I still would prefer somebody with more experience than I have rather than less. In my mind, by the time a man is a certain age I would expect him to have had sex just because he has reached a certain age, unless he has refrained for religious/moral reasons etc.

    • I guess I'm SOL then since I can lead anywhere I just haven't in the bedroom yet lol. Unfortunately women don't want to be led anywhere except in the bedroom which is the only area I haven't led so I guess all I can do is sigh and thank you for your honest answer.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • i actually completely disagree... I think women are intimidated by other sexual experienced men.. in that if they do something wrong they will pick up on it and be turned off them

    on the other hand the virgin guy may expect a lot from the woman and therefore the woman is reluctant to go there in case they don't saisfy the guy enough (despite the fact that he can't compare it to anyone else)

    i dontthink it makes a huge dfference, but I do think that your partner should know if you are a virgin before having sex

  • My boyfriend was a virgin when we started dating, I certainly was not. To be honest, I'm happy he was. The sex is great now that he's not nervous anymore and I think all that matters is that both people are satisfied and can connect on an intimate level, not past experience or lack-there-of.

  • i personally have never cared and probably never will. if they got no experience, you can teach them and only teach them the stuff you really like. its almost better. them having experience is nice and all, but hten sometimes the guy can think theyre so great at everything sexual they do when sometimes they aint. and that's just annoying. with a virgin, they won't think that. so it doesn't really mattter.

  • I have no problem with virgin guys, and I was never planning on waiting til marriage myself (though I ended up staying with the first guy I slept with... guess the first one was the winner =) ) also my boyfriend was nearly a virgin - he'd had sex maybe 5-10 times with his previous girlfriend over the course of a year? So I considered him about as inexperienced, but that didn't matter to me.

    I really think the idea of a male virgin 25 or older is like everyone else says - why is he still a virgin? That's about it. If I liked a guy and he said he'd never been with a girl before, I'd be confident enough in the fact that I like the guy and I think he's worth my time to not wonder why other girls didn't think the same thing. Doesn't matter to me - if I think he's great, that's all that matters =) Virgin guys just gotta find a girl who's crazy about them and they're set.

  • Don't generalize or speak for me.

    I don't have that mentality.

    But why do a lot of guys think it's OK for guys to sleep around but not girls?Oh wait,a double standard.

    And that virgin mentality is because the girl is afraid of pain and wants a guy who knows what he's doing

  • id rather have sex with a guy who is patient& respects me& who I'm in love with.. no experience in the world trumps patience and respect, I don't need a guy who thinks he's awesome& ends up physically hurting me.. I'm a virgin so yea, Plus when guys think they are great they become arrogant& close minded, id rather be with a guy who wants to explore things with me, than prove to me he's great, You can always LEARN to be great in bed.. much harder to unlearn being an asshole,

    • agree agree agree!

    • :-) :-) :-)

    • Super like for that last line!

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  • Dude, you're talking to the WRONG girl! My boyfriend who is turning 30 this year was more or less a virgin. He had some drunken affair that lasted all of a minute because he just didn't like it with a girl before me. NEVER had a real girlfriend, until me.

    He is, by a lot of definitions, a virgin. The only reason he can say he 'wasn't' was because of that drunken affair when he was like 18.

    The point is, there are girls like me who think virgins are still hot. And in fact, I PREFER men with little experience. Means they either care who they sleep with or they are nerds/dorks/geeks which I think is cute. :)

    So don't beat yourself up. We're out here! :)

  • I want a virgin. True- I am only 16. But even later I want someone that if we ever break up I won't be just another name. The person who you lose your virginity to always is remembered (for better or worse)

    • Damn, I don't remember mine 😅

  • It's because they don't have experience. Girls think they don't know what they're doing, and maybe they don't, but until they actually try it they'll never know for sure. It's hard for a guy to please a girl and just using their penis won't get the job done. Girls don't want to be a guys' practice chick. Unless the girl is sure they won't get used by the guy to just get sex for the first time, they won't want to try anything (unless they're sluts.)

  • simply put? because girls are huge hypocrites! that's the only reason. They have major double standards and issues with people having what they either want or don't and can't have.

  • I don't think there's anything wrong with being a virgin (men or women) ... I just think its a confidence thing that would be a deal breaker to me. I wouldn't mind someone that doesn't necessarily have all the experience but is confident in himself and ready to try things out... but if its someone that doesn't know what they're doing AND they act all weird about it, that will make me feel weird also and most likely ruin it.

    Just a personal opinion though. I also agree with others that have said sleezy is a turn off, I don't want a man that's been around all over and then some.

  • i see absolutely nothing wrong with a male virgin. I am a female virgin and I don't take pride in it or feel ashamed of it. I just don't see someones sexual experience as anything significant. if you're a good person, that's all that matters. I think there is the "right time" for everyone, and some have it a little later than others. no big deal!

  • I see it as a turn on honestly. But I have gotten so many liars that it has almost killed the fantasy for me.

  • women hate virgins, I pretty much think, because other than they have to "teach" them... virgins tend to think this is their girlfriend now automatically, and kind of chase them around like pepe le-peu (old cartoon skunk? lol)

    virgin men and women both "fall deeply in love" with their first, and its ANNOYING\

  • I would love to date or even marry a virgin, hell I wish I was one. I think it is extremely attractive. It shows self control in most cases and I just really like that. The whole purity thing is a big turn on for me.

  • i like virgins actuly I don't care if your a virgin or not that sdoesent matter to me

  • I will admit that it is a huge turn off when a guy is a virgin. I am not and I do not really want to go through the awkwardness and the pressure of the "first time" with anyone again. I lost my virginity to my ex, who was also a virgin at the time, so it worked well for us. We both had about the same experience prior to getting into the relationship, so I do not really care if the guy has more experience then me so much as I want the guy to at least be as experienced as me.

    • but I also would not write a guy off completely just because they are a virgin, if you connect with someone then it shouldn't be a deal breaker.

  • Just cause your a virgin doesn't meanthat you're inexperienced thank you very much.

  • Women THINK that because in general, sex will SUCK for them (the girl) if a guy doesn't know what he's doing.

    I don't really agree with the stereotype, or the assumption, but I DO think it's really important for a guy to understand a girl's anatomy and what to do when that time comes. I think that staying pure is a virtue that shouldn't be looked down upon. Prudish is different.

  • Because you care so much about it.

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