Do women seriously expect men to look past or overlook a promiscuous past?

[Anonymous]

If a woman has her had a threesome, casual sex, cheated any sex outside a committed relationship then I'm not willing to date her. Or if she lies about these things or won't divulge her sexual past after a certain amount of time. I don't date liars or sexually immoral women, as I wouldn't want them to pass those traits on to my children.

[vmw2008]

Everyone has a past and everyone has a checklist in their minds as to what they'd accept in a partner.

The only opinion I have on the matter is not to be hypocritical. I also tend to judge men based on how they judge women. If he's had 40 partners but he doesn't care if a girl has had the same, then despite the fact that I've only had 1, I probably wouldn't judge him for it. But if he's had 40 partners and thinks a girl would be a slut for having 20 (or any less than his own number), I probably would judge him and refuse to date him. Hypocrisy is an ugly trait in a man, especially where sex is involved.

You're entitled to not want to date promiscuous women. And I don't think you're wrong because you yourself are waiting until marriage. Keep in mind though that everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Just because you couldn't overlook a woman's past doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of men who will. For you to ask this question, you must also ask if MEN seriously expect WOMEN to overlook a promiscuous sexual past. It's a two way street. Some will care, and some won't. It's best to just think about what you want and don't judge others for wanting different things.

[Asker]

For me, I'm proudly a virgin. So I have no problem calling a woman (or man) that's been with 20 men a slut because that's what she or he is.

[vmw2008]

When you judge others, others judge you. Don't get mad then when people judge you and use horrible names to describe you simply because you have different opinions.

[CatholicVirginia]

If you're a praying man, when you judge others, God judges you. In many cases, that's even worse than committing the sin yourself.

[selfishstars]

I don't expect guys to want to date a woman who cheats, lies, or uses people for her own sexual gratification without regard to their feelings.

But I don't see enjoying threesomes, or having casual sex/having sex outside a committed relationship (as long as you're honest that you're just looking for something casual) as "immoral" or wrong.

Morals are a subjective thing. I don't view sex as dirty or as something that has to be shared with only one person.

If you want to date someone who has similar views about sex as you do, that's fine---as long as you're not the type who thinks its okay for you to do things that its not okay for a woman to do.

But assuming that all women who view sex differently than you do are immoral, liars, cheaters, etc. is wrong and unfair. I know a lot of sweet, caring, intelligent, GOOD women who simply enjoy sex and don't think it has to be limited to long-term, committed relationships. You don't have to date anyone that you don't want to, but people still deserve to be treated with respect, even if they have different views about sex than you do.

[Asker]

Ok "ho" or "used" might be a better word.

[selfishstars]

That kind of language doesn't even deserve a response.

[Asker]

I'm quite serious, who would want to date or marry those women? Theyre damaged from zleeping around, physically and emotionally. Spiritually too be aide they gave so much of themselves away nothing is left.

[selfishstars]

Sorry, but having a lot of sex does not damage people physically, emotionally, or spiritually. It's one thing if you want to be with someone who shares your views on sex, but to use such negative and judgmental terms to describe people, and to basically judge someone's worth on their sexual experience, is wrong and makes you a disgusting person.

[Asker]

Not worth, just a certain moral deficiency. The point of dating is to interview for marriage and it's more than good practice to judge a potential mates sexual past in it's entirety. Everyone has a number for a max amount of partners they'd accept before they judge the other person. For some it's 5 or 10 or 25. For me it's 1.

[selfishstars]

Morals are subjective. That means what you consider moral or immoral is personal and varies from what other people might consider moral or immoral. The point of dating is different for everyone---not everyone wants to get married. As I've said, If you believe that sex should only be had with one person in your lifetime, that's fine. But that doesn't mean that people who don't share your view are bad or "morally deficient" people.

[Asker]

No it just means they're immature self gratifying sluts that care more about their own pleasure than being mature and delaying gratification and doing something responsible like taking care of someone else, believing in commitment and actual love and taking care of a family.

[selfishstars]

You're projecting your views on other people. Choosing to engage in sex does not automatically make someone immature. Not everyone shares your view that sex should only be had with one person in their life time and don't view "delaying gratification" as highly as you do. Further, choosing to have sex isn't solely about personal pleasure---for a large amount of people its about the mutual pleasure of both themself and their partner. People still want love, commitment, and family. But sometimes

[selfishstars]

people have a loving, committed relationship that involves sex and does not result in marriage. A lot of people are more than happy with that, and will choose to get married and have a family later on in life. And while we're talking about immaturity, if you're not capable of having a conversation without resorting to name calling (referring to people as sluts, for example), then don't bother replying.

[Asker]

Having sex in a committed relationship is fine as long as you're ready to have children with that person and stay with them, that's in practice no different than marriage. But ultimately even from an evolutionary point of view sex is for reproduction not fr entertainment of pleasure. Viewing sex thy way IS immature and it's irresponsible and results in STDs and unwanted children or abortions. And it starts being society's business when Others have to start raising those unwanted children

[l-hedoniste]

Every time you feed a troll, an angel breaks wind. Or something like that. (But you're' right.)

[Mesonfielde]

Hey selfish, it's nice to see that your views are still reasonable and -actually- mature, and not just a rehearsed irrational dogma based on religion xP Your posts have changed my views regarding the freedom of sexuality, I hope someday "Mr". Anon will also grow a brain and realize it himself.

[selfishstars]

Thanks Mesonfielde. That means a lot to me. :)

[MrDarcy2015]

Morals are not a "subjective thing;" "mores" are. Morals are what you OUGHT to do as opposed to mores, which is what you happen to do whether you ought to or not. Your reply essentially is that "morality" is relative except for the imperative of treating people with "respect" putting their "feelings" above all other considerations, and draining the words "immoral," "liar," and "cheater" of any possible meaning. No one is arguing that sex is dirty. The question is about people being repulsed by the indiscriminate sex a potential mate might have engaged in. You say, "I don't expect guys to want to date a woman who cheats, lies, or uses people for her own sexual gratification without regard to their feelings." Why not? ... that is if morality is subjective... Maybe it's morally right to treat others like shit! You should read the decidedly emotional explosion that took place when Ayn Rand's lover dumped her for a younger model... Yikes!

[Anonymous]

You have the right to choose who you want to be with. Everyone has "deal breakers". So I understand where you're coming from.

I agree that you should never be with a cheater (this goes for both men and women) because cheaters don't tend to change.

however if you are eliminating women on the basis of her sexual history, be prepared to lose a few great girls.

I'm not saying this because I have a "bad" sexual history. In fact I have probably the cleanest slate around because I'm very conservative. However I would not cast stones at girls who have had various sexual pasts (provided she's STD free). I feel a woman is allowed to live it up prior to settling down.

That said, I would not date a guy with a long sexual history either because I too would have questions about his character. However if I REALLY REALLY loved the guy, I would probably overlook this one flaw (if that's his only flaw).

[Anonymous]

its not a trait its a behavior... if they are lying that's a point, however I don't care about her sexual history I care that she's with me and cares about me...

[Asker]

Personally I see that as settling. I'd rather never date or marry any woman than have some player scumbag's sloppy seconds

[Opinion Owner]

hmm, wanting a girl to have never had sex before, well you beter hope that whatever girl you get isn't so high sstrung and uncompromising as you

[l-hedoniste]

Fear not, I will date them for you; I like my girls fast, wild and threesome-ready.

[Anonymous]

What a person does in their past isn't our business. If my husband had a few partners, I wouldn't look down on him even though I'm waiting till marriage to have sex. It's not about how many partners a person as had, but how much you love them. You could miss out on the love of your life if you can't get over this stuff...

[Asker]

That's fine but if I love someone I hold them to the same moral standards that I hold myself to, which means I'd want a woman that is waiting until marriage since I am

[Mesonfielde]

Why? Why are you waiting? What's the point? What's the purpose?

[Asker]

Because I can.

[Opinion Owner]

The point is because premartial sex is the only sin against the human body. QA, I see what you're seeing, but I personally hold myself to higher standards than others because the only person I have control over is myself. I believe in striving to do the best you can do, but forgive others for what they do.

[Opinion Owner]

Premarital not premartial, lol

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way about guys. Those who do this may think it's normal, I really don't know what they're thinking.

[Asker]

Yeah immwaitingnuntil infer married and I'm not willing to overlook those things, after all why comprise when it comes to someone you'll be with for the rest of your life?

[Opinion Owner]

When it's something you feel strongly about there shouldn't be any compromising,

[Mesonfielde]

They just realize that the "one only for me" thing is just a lie, and sexuality was limited merely because there were no such things as condoms or pills. Let's not forget - we can protect ourselves against "unwanted children", and there are many people in the world who are attractive and could match our social and physiological criteria (and if you're lucky, the feelings are mutual). There's not just one "perfect for me" person in the world. xD