Did I scare him by telling him I was a virgin?

I'm an attractive, confident, and intelligent twenty-two year-old woman. I wouldn't say I'm overtly gregarious, but I do speak my mind. I've been seeing somebody for about a month now, and things began pretty hard and fast. The first two nights we saw each other, we ended the night by making out and a little fooling around. After said shenanigans, I decided that I didn't like the pace we were setting, and I asked him if it would be alright for us to hit the "reset" button and start things over again. He apologized immediately for moving too fast, and agreed it would be a better idea to take things slowly. Ever since, we haven't done more than innocent kisses, cuddling, and hand-holding. Then, the other night, he was staying over, and while we were falling asleep, I (for whatever stupid reason) decided it was time to tell him that I was a virgin. I may have started the conversation off all wrong. Actually. I'm certain I worded it terribly. He was kind of quiet for a moment, then asked "to what extent" was I a virgin. To every extent. I've never done anything with a guy before. He could tell I was embarrassed, and asked me if it was something I was self-conscious about. It most definitely is. He asked why, and I told him, "Because it's abnormal." We sort of let the conversation roll away as we fell asleep. He left the next morning and we haven't seen each other since (few days ago.) So, in your opinion, was it good to let him know now (while we're still feeling things out, relationship-wise) or should I have waited longer, to avoid scaring him away? And does it matter to most guys if a girl my age is a virgin? And has little to no experience with guys? We're both young, good-looking people. He's younger. And has more experience than I do. Did I scare him away?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • The EXACT same thing has happened to me a few times. Don't feel bad. If a guy really likes you, he would be willing to accept you as you are, and I know that some guys love the idea of a virgin because to them, it means that you respect yourself, and they will be honored to be your first. plus, they might really enjoy teaching you.

    However, some guys are scared off by this. Either because they think they don't want the "pressure" of being someone's first, or because they are unsure of how likely it is that they will "get some" from a virgin. These types of guys are idiots.

    It isn't really clear if he is scared off just yet, he might be absorbing it and just thinking it through a little. I would try calling him just to see how he is, and I am sure you will begin to tell what he is thinking based on his reaction to talking to you. If he still wants to hang out, that's awesome. if he is too scared, he is a little p**** and good riddance!

    I think you waited just the right amount of time to tell him. You got to know each other a little, so it wasn't like telling it to a stranger, and you were able to get it out in the open before things got more serious! Don't regret telling him.

    • Exactly what alexis7 said. If he likes you, he wouldn't mind if you're a virgin.

  • It's only been a couple of days. Be patient. He may just need a few days to digest everything. If he cares about you and has been with a virgin before, he's probably thinking of a way for your first time to be non-traumatizing.

  • I don't think you should have told him at all. Because being a virgin is not a big deal. When you guys were ready to have sex, then you could have told him. Sounds like you were rushing things a bit

    • I'm going through a similar situation right now only he asked me because on the first date I hesitstated to hold his hand. He brought it up later and asked me I told him I am. He said he didn't kiss me goodnight because I hesitated earlier and he didn't want to upset me. So I think hearing what you've asked maybe your guy is in the same situation. He likes you and is afraid to rush into things and upset you. I understand why you told him when you did honestly I probably would have done the same.

Most Helpful Guys

  • You might have scared him away, but if so, you're better off for it. If being a virgin was the reason he left, that's just pretty lame! lol As for a girl your age being a virgin: that is actually really cool! In this day-and-age, it's hard to find too many virgins...at least, any that will admit to it...that are beyond their teens. That is NOT something to be ashamed of, though. In fact, I don't know why or when it became "cool" to being loose when you're still in school...but I digress. Lol Honestly, the fact that you're a virgin is really great. Some of us are hoping to find someone else who has saved themselves for the right one and have not just had sex to have sex. I'm 30, and also a virgin...and being a male as well, you can imagine the stigma about that, but I don't care. Being a virgin is not a handicap, despite what the media may tell us, and if your boyfriend doesn't want to be with you because you're a virgin, believe me, there are many other guys who wouldn't be so shallow.

  • That wouldn't scare me away. That would be a good thing in my eyes, because that means she has been careful of what she has been doing. I don t think you told him too early, seems like you just wanted to let him know before things got to far. It doesn't matter to me if my girl was a virgin at your age. I would like that better. And It may be a little out of the norm but its a good thing to be a virgin at your age. But it does sound like you scared him away. MIght just have to call him up just to see what's really going on.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • He could tell I was embarrassed, and asked me if it was something I was self-conscious about. It most definitely is. He asked why, and I told him, "Because it's abnormal."

    Perhaps it is just me, but the way that reads to me there is a real possibility that the guy thinks you have some body part that you are self-conscious about, because it is abnormal. If he took it the way I did, he may think you have one labia that reaches to your knees or something equally weird.

  • Seems like it mattered to him, like you were some kind of freak. You're well rid of him if he ca't handle that! Imagine when there were real PROBLEMS to deal with.

    Aren't you glad you stayed a virgin?

  • Virginity is only bad for guys, for girls means she is a keeper.

    • well said! I like this answer :]

    • Yeah, is a double standard.

    • its not a doble standard for it to be a doucle standard we would have to be one sex

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  • Don't feel too abnormal about it... I was a virgin until I was 21 and in a loving, committed relationship.

  • If a girl did tell me she was a virgin,i d take that as an invitation...

  • No you didn't scare him away at all. He's probably glad you told him and I'm sure he's willing to teach.lol