My guy friend and I had sex...

[Anonymous]

I was trying so hard not to but I knew it was going to happen eventually one day. I was a little tipsy but after a friend's birthday party, he offered to give me a ride home. At first I was a little hesitant but I decided to go with him. We ended up staying over his place. He gave me some shorts to sleep in and I changed but when he got back in the room, we started making out and then he takes the shorts off of me! I'm trying to put them back on but it's too late because he takes them off along with my panties and goes down on me! I give up struggling and we ended up having sex all night and again in the morning. On the way back when taking me home, he says he's not really looking to get into a relationship and I was perfectly fine with that. I told him it's fine and I made a joke and said we could be fwbs but I told him I totally wasn't expecting what we did to have happened. Well we kissed goodbye and everything was fine until a couple days later. He updates his facebook status and it says in a relationship with one of my friends! I'm like what the f***?! I don't really have strong feelings for him but I'm like you f***ing used me and we're supposed to be friends! And on top of that, it's going to be super awkward because I'm friends with this chick and we're hella cool on facebook and we're always commenting. This happened like a month ago but it's just been awkward. I don't want to hang out with him because if she tags along and I see them kiss, I'm going to be so uncomfortable and it's just going to be awkward. I'm a little jealous and I don't know why. I just wish we never did it but I don't know what to do now because everything is f***ing awkward!

[rdr005]

This is hard to take, I'm sure.

For starters you're gonna have to learn from this. The lesson not being men can be *ssholes and such (that's a given)... but you've got to know when to say, "no" and make smarter decisions. You were typsy, the idea was to get home and you compromised and stayed at his place. I'm not saying this is entirely your fault (your state of mind could have also been affected by drinking), but you should never drink when you don't have someone you can trust to take care of you (like a best female friend to watch out for you).

I wouldn't hang out with him (not because it would be awkward to see them together, but because he's a douche bag and you don't need to associate with him (bottom line). That said... I think you should tell your friend also. He may very well use her. It can cost you a little bit of pride. It may even cost you the friendship if she's not willing to listen... but at least it'll be off your shoulder, you would have tried to help her, and it won't be your fault for not having done anything if she gets played. And if she does listen, you two can tag team him and put him out of his misery by letting everyone know what kind of loser he is.

Last year, there were posters all over campus with a pic of one guy and a caption that said, "don't date this little d*ck *sshole. With a full list of things he did. Talk about hilarious to see it and how much it must have sucked to be him.

[JustDance]

i'd tell the friend if I was in her position too. Nothing like a good old stab in the back of a player LOL. Friends come first, Always, then boys/girls you wanna get it on with.

[islands7]

Well you were a sort of bachelor party but weren't in the business.

At least he made a decision, for however that will last.

OK, he's not that into you long term BUT he's not as into her, despite his facebook claims OR

he wouldn't have had such a bachelor party.

You'll only feel uncomfortable IF you have feelings for him, certainly he has no real feeling for anyone yet. Otherwise, you can remain mute & content that no one has him yet. That said, whatever you decide, include shopping trips for someone that thinks you two should be exclusive. Shopping is easier with a network of friends - let him & her know you are shopping.

[Asker]

what do you mean islands7? Take shopping trips with him? just me and him or me, him and her? Or do you mean date around? I'm confused.

[islands7]

While you are waiting (you have no chance as a pursuer or with anything overt at this point), shop around for a replacement date ... that thinks you are special enough to be an exclusive "steady". Use "that guy" AND his facebook honey as part of your network to find your new special guy. The more people and task, the most places you go, the easier this becomes, the happier you will be. Soon you will be in control of your happiness, not wishing, waiting & providing bachelor parties.

[heatherlu]

You said you knew it was going to happen some day.

I don't think he used you at all.

You had sex with him - that's all. It might have meant more to you than it did to him, or you might have expected more to come from it, or you might have expected him not to get into a relationship with someone else so soon after - but you never talked about that.

I'm pretty sure, before the two of you had sex, you never said that after this happens, you aren't allowed to date someone.

He saw an opportunity and he took it; but you can't blame him for that, unless he raped you, which to me, it doesn't really sound like he did at all, you were just cautious to being with - but the fact that you had sex with him again in the morning, shows it's something you both wanted.

Take it as a learning experience, learn to know what to expect. Or discuss what to expect before you have sex with a guy if you don't like what happened.

If you think things are going to be too awkward for you to hang out with them, then don't. Simple as, don't put yourself in a situation you feel uncomfortable in. To me, it sounds like you had slightly more feelings for him than you though you did, or just less control over your feelings when they're mixed with sex.

It's not uncommon, but you can't expect him to do something that isn't right for him, just becase the two of you fooled around.

[Asker]

You're so right heatherlu. I didn't expect him to get into a relationship so soon. It like happened 3 days after! I was just about to tell him when I checked out his fb status. I mean, he can do whatever he wants because we're not a couple although I did expect more but I feel like I got the short end of the stick. Like what did I ever do? Did you just want to say you did it with me and leave and get into a relationship? I feel as if I'm a slut although I never meant for this to happen!

[Asker]

And yeah I never said that he wasn't allowed to date anyone but when you change your fb status, isn't it usually serious? I didn't think he'd get into a relationship so fast...and with my friend! And to make matters worse, we all share the same friends! So I have no one to tell this dark secret to and how to deal with it. I never said he raped me but yes I was cautious and not really trying to have sex but what am I supposed to do when someone's face is down my pants?!

[Asker]

and I don't know what to do next...like should I kick him or run? I wasn't sure what to do because he was supposed to be my friend and I TOTALLY WASN'T expecting us to have sex right away! Especially around his family. I just thought we'd make out and go to bed and then I felt bad but tried to play cool and not freak out because I freaked out the last time we made out because I wasn't sure how to handle it...the shock factor!

[Asker]

I guess it did mean something more to me than to him. I'm not sure what my feelings are for him. I like it when he kisses me but I thought we'd move a little slower. Although we made out like 3 months ago from the event, I still wanted to take things slow and I don't know I feel like I was being loose for letting this happen. I feel ashamed of myself.

[heatherlu]

Don't feel ashamed of yourself, you didn't do anything wrong. Problem is, if you didn't want to have sex with him, you should have just said. So many girls say "what could I have done?" - and they all underestimate the power of the word no. I mean, the majority of guys, when you honestly say that you're not ready, they're going to listen. I think the best thing for you to do, is learn that from this. There's no point being angry with him, or telling everyone and ruining his relationship -

[heatherlu]

just because you're not happy that it happened. I'm not trying to be negative or anything, but in my opinion, you don't really have the right to be angry at him. I understand that it's not an ideal situation, but he's not, in my eyes, set out to purposely hurt you.

[Asker]

Although he didn't purposely hurt me, I do have every right to be angry because he could've been talking to both of us at the same time. But it is what it is. I don't want to burn any bridges b/t her or him. I just feel bamboozled. I've told him we should just slow down and be friends, but whenever we're alone, there's like tension and then he'll kiss me and I expect there to be more from the kiss. But I'm just going to avoid him for a while.

[Jager66]

just because you guys have sex does not imply in anyway he is beholden to you, you had sex with him as well. you didn't talk to him about any stipulations before hand so you really need to chill and deal with your sh*t. if you can't handle casual sex than don't do it! its really that simple. it is kinda funny how your blaming him for your lack of communication skills.

[Anonymous]

Here's the difference between you and I. You chose to go along with it, I wouldn't have even let it get that far in the first place. To me, a friend is a friend, regardless of gender. If he is platonic, that means I will not do ANYTHING sexual or flirty or dating/romantic with him whatsoever. I treat my male and female friends exactly the same, no different from each other. The only guys I am sexual with are the ones I date, that's it. But if he is a regular/normal friend, I would not do anything sexual with him. If I were in your shoes, I would not have accepted the offer to give me a ride home. If I were drunk or tipsy, I would call a sober female friend to give me a ride home, or even a male. Okay, thing is, it's fine he gave you a ride home but how did you end up at his place though? I wouldn't even step in his house, and if I did, the moment he tries to kiss me, I would ask him to back off because it isn't appropriate as normal friends are not supposed to be sexual with each other. I'm sorry to say, but you two are no longer platonic normal/regular friends. You two are now friends with benefits. I advise you that the best thing to do is to have sex with a guy you are dating who love and cares for you and you feel the same way about him. Sex is much better that way, trust me.

[malakai]

damn first of al let me express my sincere condolences. that royally sucks. you have every right to be pissed. maybe he was drunk too and got caught in the moment like you did and just did it. but to do that to you? that's really messed up.

what I suggest you do is just go on with your life. think-you had sex twice with a hot guy. so what if he has a girl whose friends withyou now? you got sex with him, and it truly sucks what he did to you and if you had real feelings for him id say screw him and move on, but you have to look at the positives. lol also, just tell your friend what happend and maybe the three of you can work something out.

[SuperPerve]

He's not that into you. He did use you. It doesn't mean he doesn't respect you he just thinks with his crotch.

Don't ever sleep with him again. THe awlwardness will subside. No point being aggressive or negative if you don't wan't drama

Sucks but its the only way

[SuperCurious]

lol welll since your friends tell her what he did to you, that's f***ed up. But guys will do that so just be more careful

[Felynn]

I'm sorry but that's what happens when you sleep with guys who are not your boyfriend: you get treated like a slut. You went with it, even if you guys weren't dating and felt OK about it afterward. You only felt bad when he started dating someone else. Playing the "he kinda forced me" card now is really immature. Don't be so easy if you feel bad about it afterward or just own it and be like "we had fun, I enjoyed it too" and move on like he did.

[l-hedoniste]

Looking at one thing at a time:

You were hot for him, he was hot for you, you had sex. This is what normal people do, so no problem there.

When guys say "I don't want a relationship", we sometimes mean "I don't want a relationship (with you)." We leave that last part off because it opens a conversation that's not only unnecessary, but often more then we can handle. Not the nicest thing in the world, but understandable.

"I don't really have strong feelings for him but...I'm a little jealous and I don't know why." Obviously inconsistent, and the reason for your awkwardness. You need to sort these feelings out and decide what to do about them. Do you want to keep the sex with him? Be his girlfriend? Dump him and walk? Figure it out.

[Asker]

I told him we'd never have sex EVER again after this thing happened. I told him I never wanted this to happen. But he told me not to freak out because I freaked out once when he kissed me. I don't want to be his girlfriend because he's a friend I never should have had sex with in the first place. I want to be his friend and if things progress in the future, we can slowly start over...but right now, I just feel weird even talking to him because of what happened.

[l-hedoniste]

To repeat: "You were hot for him, he was hot for you, you had sex. This is what normal people do" If they get you hot and bothered, that fundamentally changes the relationship. You need to own that and be honest with it, rather than recreate something that's very gone. You feel weird *because* you're not being honest with him or yourself. Integrity is never awkward. Try it.

[8hailey9]

tell your friend what happened and it was before she started seeing him, and you have no feeling for the guy it just happened and if she's a good friend she should accept that and it should be as alkward when you all hang out. ... the same thing kinda happened with me, I don't see much of the guy now but we are still good friends.

[TrailOfTears]

Ill be blunt. You had sex with him. Twice. This is fact and you can't change it. You also can't change you did not object to it which makes it OK (I suppose). Also it seams like he never wanted a relationship with you but more of a very close friend thing.

If you get mad at him for getting a girl I'm confused. Its not like he used you. You agreed and in essence used him just as much. (I will never understand why its always the guys fault.. oh well)

All in all you should just go on living as normal right? nothing was taken and he was not in a relationship which makes it fine. (in those regards) now its just you who have to let go of it and move on with your life.

[Asker]

I don't understand how he'd want a very close friend thing. I've tried resisting but I keep getting caught up. Stupid me! Idk how I used him though. I thought we were just going to make out and go to bed but I'm not the one who took my clothes off. I told him we should stop and tried closing my legs. All in all I should but I'm not exactly sure how to since it feels like I'm living a lie...and things are a bit uncomfortable.

[TrailOfTears]

Well that's all in the past. There is no reason to let it keep you down. If you don't want this to happen in the future learn from it but the fact still remains. What's done is done.

[ijustdontkno]

i agree with you but I don't agree...Who knows If he was really single the whole time. Himand the other girl could have been dating the whole time and he just change d his status.

[TrailOfTears]

Well its pointless to speculate especially whit the information we have been given. Its etierly plausible but that does not change the fact she needs to just forget about it and move on.

[Asker]

ijustdontknow, you're right. He said he was single but could've been talking to other girls and just changed his status or something. I'm not even sure if he's even serious with her. I'm so confused.

[playa_pan]

"we started making out and then he takes the shorts off of me! I'm trying to put them back on but it's too late because he takes them off along with my panties and goes down on me!

Rape?

[rocksongwriter]

"...but I knew it was going to happen eventually one day. "

Why was that? Why was it inevitable?

[Asker]

I didn't expect it to happen so soon. I figured it would happen slower. I've known him for 5 years but I still wanted to take things slow and like be boyfriend and girlfriend first

[rocksongwriter]

I understand that it happened sooner than you expected, but why did you it to happen at all? Why were you so sure that it WOULD happen ever? Why was it inevitable?

[Asker]

I guess because we're attracted to each other. I was sure it would happen because I thought we had some chemistry going on. But I wasn't really trying to rush it. It was inevitable because I sort of let it happen, although I didn't want it to. I just went with it because I liked him. But my feelings for him aren't deep. I'm resisting feeling anything for him but it's not really working

[ijustdontkno]

Never regret anything you do...Me, I would tell her if she is your real friend..Becuase you would want her to tell you. ANd because he sound like a douche for doing that! I've been there before but didn't go through with it after him going down.

[cutekid]

I hate it when guys behave like this..

[alma_11]

That's no sex, that's RAPE

[flyboy_o3]

oh yeah lol

[ijustdontkno]

It is! Although she didn't say NO or Stop, she kind of struggled like she wanted it but didn't..either way he forced with the oral

[Sioux]

Sounds like you felt pressured into doing something you didn't really want to do willingly, based on what you have said. Doesn't sit right with me. I'm actually questioning if it was actually consensual, which is the first issue I see. When you say 'I'm trying to put them back on' and 'I give up struggling' I'm concerned. Did you 'give up' because you wanted to or because he wanted to?

[Asker]

Yeah I basically was pressured. I gave up because he wanted to. I told him we should stop but he just dove right in. I didn't want to kick him in the face or cause a big scene because he told me I shouldn't freak out. I just did it for his sake. And I don't know what to do when a friend does that to me, like makes a move on me. I don't know if I'm supposed to kick and scream and stop being friends or suffer with it just to keep the friend. I want him in my life, I just wasn't ready to have sex with him yet.

[TILIIFO]

First things first... She’s not actually your “friend” you’re only calling her that because she’s dating him. Being “really cool on Facebook” and “always commenting” isn’t a real friendship. So stop it. You’re trying to make a mountain out of a molehill so you can try and ruin what’s going on between them because you weren’t honest with yourself about the feelings you had for your guy friend before AND after you had sex with him. You said it yourself “I was going to talk with him but then I saw his Facebook status.” Leave them alone do not insert yourself into their relationship. You knowing her doesn’t make you bffs. He did nothing wrong by having sex with you. Period. If you want more in the future then say that BEFORE you give up everything and try and play the “cool girl” role. It’s not your scene. Harsh but hope it helps.

[Anonymous]

Best Answer...?

[Anonymous]

Poor thing ! Sounds like rape...

[Anonymous]

...and this is precisely why sex shouldn't be tossed around half-hazardly like a beach ball...

[Anonymous]

How easy you were for sex for him, He just used yours, and what you did, nothign.

I think you just liked it.

You could stop this, but you didn't. that was awkward, but you feel it now "AWKWARD"

And he was not your friend, friends don't do that.

[Rated_R]

Best Answer here. You get a thumbs up.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks