Sexual Health
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My boyfriend wants a threesome, but it will ruin me

My boyfriend of over three years keeps bothering me to have a threesome. I have told him I don't want to because I don't want to share him, I worry it will ruin our relationship, and I would get very jealous. We had a fight about it, and I asked him why it's so important to him. He said it's every guy's fantasy, it would make him happy, and I don't understand his feelings on the topic. I said I understand it's a guy thing, I just don't want to ruin our relationship. He said it might not, but I just don't want to risk that. He than told me he was discouraged and I should give him an alternative to a threesome. We haven't had sex in about a month, and I think it's because of this. Do you think he cares more about having a threesome than me? Am I being irrational? How do I get him to understand how I feel about this and drop it once and for all? I don't want to have one, because I know it will ruin us and I will end up resenting him. I don't want us to break up and I don't want something as stupid as this to be the reason for us to break up.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You're not being irrational at all! It's often said that this is "every guys" fantasy... and many men probably do think about it. I mean... what's not to love about getting to be intimate with more than one beautiful woman? But... there's a difference between "Fantasy" and "reality". If you do not feel comfortable with this... then a real man who truly loves you will respect that, and therefore respect you.

    A threesome only ever works when both parties in the "main" relationship are interested in the "other" party. They need to BOTH be comfortable touching, being touched, and watching their significant other touch someone else. If there is even the slightest amount of jealousy that can enter it's way into that situation, then it should be avoided at all costs. If he is pushing you towards it, that's "peer pressure". He's trying to get you to do something you don't want to do... but you're smart! You already know that it will cause you a problem and that you don't want to do it. Stick with it.

    Now... what will happen? It'll boil down to this... either he will respect you (love) enough to understand and be THANKFUL that he has such a beautiful and caring woman by his side... understanding that his love for you means that he wouldn't want to jeopardize losing you in the process, and he'll back off of this and you two will keep on enjoying what you have. Or... he'll obsess over this, keep pushing you... and you'll either cave, resent him (and the thought of a threesome in the future will be tainted by the experience), and break up... or won't cave, he'll keep pushing, and then you simply need to leave him because he's after the sex, not your heart. Good luck!

  • i answered a similar question just moment ago

    a) it maybe in his hard wiring - in short, its part of his personality that he can't change, that he needs this to enjoy certain aspects of sex and such

    b) does he care more about a threesome than you? If he is not in love with you ...Yes

    if he is in love with you and its part of his hardwiring, than no, its an urge he can't help

    Some people are cheaters and always will be -some try very hard not to, but it just happens because it is who they really are.

    Others date people until a better partner comes along

    i'm not there so I can't say which is your situation

    c) whatever his reasoning, you have a big decission to make - to stay and accept his wishes or find someone with more of your train of thought regarding manogomy.

    D) you are right, in my opinion, it will hurt your relationship - eventually all threesomes end in disaster - this has been my observatons with friends I have known over a 40 year span

    good luck, but be prepared to leave him if he is that hooked on it, because he may say OK he won't then do it with one or two others behind your back anyway

Most Helpful Girls

  • My boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years and had the same debate, but it was more playful, not a fight and when I said no he respected it, didn't get mad and has not bugged since. It is every guys fantasy, so they are more than likely to suggest it sometime or another, but that is something they should do when they a single and its just a hookup, not when in a serious relationship.It definately would bring jealousy and ruin the relationship, I told my guy I would probly end up in jail because I just don't wanna share and if I saw another girl touch him then its on lol...but ya, if your guy is having serious issues with this then he may not be the one, I'm sorry to say sweetie. It does not mean he doesn't care about you but he may not have gotten this stuff out of his system...All I can say is stick to what you believe and don't ever change for a guy(unless its for the better), no matter how much you love him, and if he continues with the attitude just say you want some time apart and tell him to go get it out of his system, if he does, dump him

    • No its not "every" guys fantasy

    • Well regaurdless of if it is or isnt, it should never overtake a relationship

  • He's in a state where he cares more about his physical fantasies and sex life rather than a serious relationship, which is typical of young men. I don't necessarily think that a threesome will ruin a relationship, but to each its own. If you're not into that, then he should be considerate & not pressure you. Everyone has something that they're honestly not into.

    This may seem unusual, but I highly suggest that people talk about sex & what they want physically BEFORE they enter the relationship. That's a more mature way to go about it. If he's been with you for 3 years, he should obviously care about you & have feelings for you, & therefore he shouldn't get mad or up & leave because you don't want to do something. If having a threesome & fulfilling his fantasies with his girlfriend was so important, he should have talked about that BEFORE he entered the relationship & made it serious. Not after.

    • Can we stop generalizing.

    • I'm not generalizing. I'm saying that men are typically more physical & women are more emotional. If you're not like that, there's no need to cry about it. I didn't say EVERY guy was like that. There are plenty that aren't. & even if I was generalizing, so what?

  • Okay..have you guys not had sex because HE doesn't want to or because YOU don't want to or because you're too busy or what? Because no sex for a month is not good for a relationship.

    If you have been willing to have sex and he hasn't been in the mood, and then suggests a threesome then it sounds like he is definitely emphasizing this way too much. He should care more about you than a threesome. Not all guys are like this, some don't want threesomes (though I know most would love that). If you really don't want to do it then DON'T - it's your choice. If that makes him dump you then he's an ass and you should forget about him.

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 9

  • Ask for the same thing. Tell him you want another guy in bed, with the two of you.

  • We all want what we want, and everybody gets to set their own dealbreakers. This sounds harsh, but if he requires a relationship with a threesome, and you require a relationship without a threesome, than this relationship is doomed. You'll do better by ending it than you will by wasting time and emotional energy trying to make each other want what you don't.

  • You can't make him understand how you feel, because he doesn't care how you feel.

    He is more interested in the threesome, than in keeping you in a relationship.

    He won't change. And neither will you.

    And if he does somehow pressure you into a threesome, it won't stop at one, and you'll resent him for making you do something you didn't want to do. While he will take the attitude "See? There's nothing wrong with it. Lets' do it again."

    Dump this asshole, and move on to someone who will respect your wishes in the bedroom.

  • he's being a d***, he should understand and respect your feelings more. it's not every guy's fantasy, that's a cheap selfish excuse to push you into it. you're not being irrational, he is. if he can't restrain himself maybe you are better off without him, plenty of guy's wouldn't try to push you into an unwanted situation.

  • He is being disrespectful towards you by constantly pushing this issue. It would seem that yes he cares more about satisfying his sexual fantasies than he cares about you. You have told him many times you don't want to do this. Maybe breaking up isn't such a bad idea. Ya gotta figure he'll probably do the same thing to whoever he dates. You're not being irrational and it won't take a threesome to ruin the relationship, he is already doing that. So ya tell him to forget this idea or there's the door.

    • Better yet, agree to a threesome...with him and another guy.

  • Compromise. Tell him that a threesome with another girl , would make you uncomfortable, but with another guy, would be Okay. He might surprise you.

  • What are you doing still with this clown.? Yes he cares far to much about a 3some. No 3somes are not "every" guys fantasy so don't buy that sh*t. If he wants a threesome tell him to go to the bunny ranch in vegas lol. Hell he'd get a sixem there. Anyway if he just keeps on pushin on this topic just leave him alone. He seems inconsiderate but whatever you do is your choice.

  • He is after the sex and doesn't care about you. If he loves you he'll respect you and won't let others have sex with you cause you're his girl but he isn't that way! Dump that man!

    • He just wants another girl to lick his bawls and ass while he is banging this chick! Would you be up for that?

  • Just set up some rules like she can suck him and you but no insertion into her. Maybe while he's banging you doggy style, she can be underneath licking his bawls and your clitotris. Sounds good, right?

    • Yeah maybe if I was into that, but clearly I'm not as you can tell from my question.

  • dump him.

  • don't do it.

  • Just do it

  • Turn it round, say you want one but only if you're allowed to watch while he gets done up the arse by some big ugly bear with a fetish for younger men. Plus the guy has to fist him as well. He'll shut up pretty quickly. There's your alternative. Pretty straight forward if you ask me.

  • Yes it will ruin you. Get out now. You have no future with a man who wants threesomes.

  • now. Ask this guy how would he feel if you want to have a threesome with another man, or sex with another guy other than him, turn the tables around and tell him how would he feel if you were asking him to share you.

    And honey don't do things that you don't wanna do just to please a man. Please dont

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