Sexual Health
+1 y

He doesn't want to have sex because he is afraid to disappoint me?

We have started going out and we both ready for sex, but he admitted that he is too afraid to disappoint me. Apparently he comes too fast and his ex left him because of this. I can't really comfort him till he actually tries. I told him that I won't be disappointed and we can work things out. He can't avoid it forever. Did any of you have this problem before? What do I do?
Updates:
+1 y
... by the way, I gave him a few bj's (but still no sex!) and he is super fast in coming from blow-jobs!
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I sometimes had the opposite issue where she wanted me to finish faster when I was happier staying inside her longer, or she didn't want to make love as many times as me in an evening when I was having a particularly keen night.

    His issue is more difficult because he'll feel negatively defined by what seems to him to be sexual failure.

    > his ex left him because of this

    Ok so be very reassuring that you're not going to judge him as a person, or hurt him any more psychologically about this, and that you'll do what ever it takes to make him comfortable and work through this. There is no question you will reject him or go anywhere over this issue etc.

    You should then go for longer sessions where you get him off several times, as the later ones may take longer.

    The last idea might be a bit drastic if you're not into it, but consider making p0rn part of your shared experience. This may actually de-sensitise him to sex, so he needs more and longer real world stimulation to reach a climax.

    Good luck.

  • Have you had sex before? Like are you experienced? If you are, then you can prevent that from happening. Actually, what he may think of as too quickly may not be that fast. She might've been inexperienced. I had a girlfriend that I would have long sessions with and she swore I came too fast, but I always had more stamina than my later girlfriends. Just tell him if he cums too fast, then that leaves more time for him to do it again and again. Really it may be more than that he's scared of. Guys don't always think they have a baseball bat stuck to their crotch.

    • Did you see my age? But the truth is, I never had a guy with PE problems. I already told him that whatever it takes. Right now it feels like he is trying to bond me emotionally before he has sex with me. But if he is right about disappointing me - it will be even worse if he waits longer.

Most Helpful Girls

  • A lot of people are hitting the nail right on the head :3

    Actually on average it takes a girl about 7 minutes longer to achieve orgasm than a guy. He might not even be having a problem.

    Just be patient with him, reassure him that you won't leave him because of something so trivial (and really, it is.)

    If you do end up having intercourse and you find that he does have a problem with cumming to fast two could always do one of two things:

    Pleasure you first, and then have him finish off.

    Or, you could have him orgasm first with say, a quick hand or blow job. After while he's getting ready for round two, he could spend that time pleasuring you in various ways until he's ready for penetration. You don't come as fast the second time, and by the time he's ready to go again you'll be ready to orgasm yourself!

    Be very patient with him, a lot of guys are very sensitive when it comes to their bedroom skillz :3

    • Thank you. Seems like it is a lot of pressure for him to perform well, especially for our first time together. Yes, I know, boys are so sensitive about their sex-skills =) Thanks for advice!

  • Well the only time a guy comes to fast for me is if there new to sex later it takes longer but if you like him you should care about it and f he's shy about it have a talk with him about it or play truth or dare that's how I got my boyfriend to finally have sex with me but your dares make them start off with kissing and then get into taking of closes but I know if he has his shirt off try kissing his stomach to his waist most likely he'll give into you and have sex good luck feel free to message me:)

  • I've never had this problem with a guy before, but I had a friend who did. Her guy made sure to pleasure her first before they had intercourse because he knew he would come too fast.

    I think Dan Savage did a video on this... let me look...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLzfEjnixNw



    Send him that video!

    • Ah, that video is great! Thanks for sharing! Yes, see, the problem is I usually take time with my own pleasure, so whatever he said is actually already disappointing as it is.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 4

  • Let him know the second time last longer, so BJ the first one out, then continue with foreplay untill he is ready again, then go to town.

  • Haha...thats jokes...maybe he should try viagra (lets hope he doesn't get a heart attack lol), or horny goat (he will shagg the table as well) :P

  • Tell him you are both there for the pleasure and that the least he can do is give it a try. If he cums too quick, tell him you wanna go for round two and that you want to continue playing until he is up for it again. In fact, make him come during foreplay, assuring him its what you want to happen. Then work on getting him going for round two.

    • Thanks. See that is my plan too - make him come few times, so he can eventually last longer. But the problem with him, he is just too scared an concerned.

    • Reassure him he has nothing to be concerned about and to relax and let go. you're there to help and have fun at the same time.

  • First! his ex= Big whore. If you love him, wait until he's ready, I promise he will come around (: (that wasn't supposed to be a pun) :D

    • I know, she was horrible. I feel like now I need to work extra hard to bring his confidence back.

  • let's just say I have plenty of experience and this department, so I sympathize with how he feels . . . but yer absolutely right, the more he puts it off, the more he builds this up as a problem and the more he worries . . . the worse it's going to be.

    this MAY be counter intuitive . . . but what if you tried telling him something like that yer excited to see how fast you can make him come. that would actually take the pressure way off, keep things light and fun, and get it out of the way.

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