Sexual Health
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My boyfriend went to see a stripper and I'm very insecure?

I've always been insecure about my body, but I try not to flip when it comes to porn. But this is different. A friend of his gave him a free pass to go see this show of a stripper who's "famous" across the nation (famous for a stripper, anyway). I was ok, you know, a one off, I pictured a normal stripper, so what? I figured it was just a topless dancer, considering it wasn't at a strip club, it was a regular club. But as she's famous, I looked her up. Turns out she's gorgeous and has the typically perfect body, which I obviously don't have. BUT, the worse part is her routine. She strips completely. She gets wide open on stage and inserts things (such as a baseball bat). She also calls a guy from the audience and dances for him, touching him, stripping him to his underwear to sow everyone his erection. I get sick to my stomach thinking about my guy watching all these, getting horny from her, and commenting to his friend, talking about her body parts and stuff. Also, he shruged it off as "not a big deal" and got angry at me for becoming insecure! He didn't even want to acknowledge my feelings or talk about it! To me it is a big deal, and as much as he tried to reassure me that he loves me and he thinks I'm sexy, he also said she has to have the typical "hot" body, hotter than the average female (i.e. me!). Go ahead and call me a prude and stupid, I know a lot of you feel like this about women like me. But I need help, I know it's stupid to feel like this but I can't help it, that's why I'm reaching out.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Think about it seriously: is this stripper a real threat to your relationship? Does he seem about to date her? Is he going to run off with her? Is he sending her gifts?

    In his mind, you are his girlfriend, and she is a performer. He makes the separation easily and is probably startled and annoyed that you can't--or won't--do the same.

    I won't call you a prude, or stupid. I will, however, call you selfish. YOU have an issue, that YOU need to work on. So what do you do? You work on changing your boyfriends behavior. Do you see the problem here? Not only with this do absolutely nothing to help you resolve your issue, it also puts your relationship at risk by forcing your man to dance around your insecurities. Besides, why should he work around your issues if you won't?

    Some advice, if you even want any (your tone suggests you'd prefer vindication): Apologize for trying to bend your boyfriend around your insecurities. Seek counseling, and keep a disciplined separation between the trouble in your relationship and the trouble in your head. Because everyone has issues; the trick to living with them sucessfully is not using them to inflict damage upon others.

    • I never said he couldn't go. I'm not a controlling freak, I just got upset. he said he understood as he'd feel pretty inadequate if I went to see male strippers. But I don't have that interest so I don't understand the fascination with strippers. I never said I was afraid he'd date her - It just bothers me he thinks she's hotter. He can love em and all, but to me it's pretty important to keep him physically attracted too! I've never denied him sex or anything, so I don't see why I'm selfish.

    • What's selfish is expecting your insecurity to affect his behavior, rather than your own.

  • Well, I would say you may be over reacting. Yes, he may become aroused, but if your guy is saying you are insecure and doing what he can to assure his attraction for you, he still loves YOU. That hasn't changed. He is still marrying you. Not her.

    Now let's play role reversal. How do you think he would feel if your ladies took you to a bachelorette party where there was a hot male stripper that did all the same things towards a random girl and in this scenario, the girl is you. Do you think he'll be able to downplay the jealousy, or do you think he'd be insecure seeing you in that position?

Most Helpful Girls

  • I have female friends that bar their men from going to strip clubs, and I don't understand it. It's just fun. Hell, I've seen the Chippendales guys in Las Vegas. Does that mean I want them more than my guy? No. Eye candy, that's all. It's like mooning over a picture of Brad Pitt, or having an explicit dream about Gackt (who you probably don't recognize, but he is HOT). It's more fun than anything. He doesn't want to replace you, and he still cares about you for more than your body. As long as it isn't an addiction or anything, you're fine. And most men won't sleep with strippers or date them because of the reputation (and I've seen some scary ones.)

    Yes. I've been to a strip club. One of my cousins had her bachelorette party at one. It was a blast.

    My suggestion? Go to a club with him, even if just once. Have fun with it, enjoy it, and learn what really goes on. It will demystify it for you and let you see what truly goes on. You'll have a blast, and most likely you'll both leave the place ready to have some fun of your own. I enjoy it immensely, if only to see his reactions. And truthfully, he always says he enjoyed himself but would rather have me.

    • You can pay for sex

  • you really shouldn't be insecure about this. What do you think he's going to do? fall in love with her? start a relationship with her? he'll find her hot, he'll get turned on, then he'll want to go home to his girlfriend. Men get turned on by women all the time, I'm sure he's found non strippers hot in your relationship, but at the end of the day you're the one he has chosen to stay with! don't act insecure, the biggest confusion for him would be if you said something like "That sounds insane! have fun!"

    He will tell his friends how awesome and understanding of the male psyche his girlfriend is.

    • My question is why would a man go to a strip club if he knows there a chance he might cheat?

    • what do you mean? what does that question mean?!

  • There is nothing wrong with the way you feel. it's understandable that you feel insecure but don't worry about it, he loves you the way you are, he just doesn't know how to show it. to him it may not seem like a big deal but guys don't see it from a girls point of view, it's normal to feel jealous or insecure and upset about it, trust me I'm the same way, and so are a lot of other girls. just tell him you really need to talk to him about and that it made you upset. once you talk about it I'm sure you'll feel better. just don't worry, I hope I helped =]

    • I have felt this way too

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 3

  • I'm pretty open minded, but I also have more trouble with strippers than I do with porn. To me having actual physical contact with a girl is a lot worse than watching a recording of her doing anything. And what makes it even worse is that I've heard a lot of stories about strip clubs where you can pay just a little bit more to get the full service. I can't deal with worrying about that. The only exception I really have to this is that I've made myself be okay with the idea of bachelor parties. I think they're kind of dumb and it still bothers me, but I'd never want to be the reason that my guy wasn't allowed to go to something that all of his friends were at.

    • I have an issue with thuds too. But my issue is private events not at clubs or on stage. My boyfriend just threw a bachelor party for his best friend and the girls weren't on a stage. They were completely naked grinding on my guy rubbing their naked bodies all over him. Should I be mad about this? I can't help but feel betrayed. I don't like the thought of him wanting another girl all over him. But I don't know if I am over reacting. What do you think about this situation ladies gents!?

    • Yes

  • Lets try some logic. Do you think this "famous stripper" is going to give your boyfriend a second glance? I doubt it.

    Do you think your boyfriend is going to be attracted to a woman who can shove a baseball bat in there? I doubt it.

    Do you really want a boyfriend you have to keep an eye on at all times. A guy you can't rust when your not around? I doubt it.

    • It's not that I don't trust him, or that I think he'll run off with a stripper. It's not about what SEH thinks of him, it's what HE thinks of her. I assume that if he went, he thinks she's hot. Hotter than me, as he's said strippers are hotter than the average woman. I'd have no issues if it had been just topless. But she showed a lot more.

    • Well I have seen thousands of woohoos. Some live some on the puter, some in magazines. I still come home to the same one every night. Your being insecure. Just relax, it will pass, and all will be fine. Honestly, your making much more of this in your mind than their is in reality.

    • But why is it so ok to lust after other women just because you come home to your girlfriend every night? Of course you'll at the very least subconsciously make comparisons, and we'll come up short. I know if I saw a guys penis I'd compare, but I'm not into that and penises don't turn me on to the sight, so yeah...

    • Show All

  • Give him an ultimatum, you or the stripper he has to choose and hopefully he will make the right choice.

    • What happenes when a man admits he went to a strip club

  • Guys simply do not view sex and nudity the same way women do. Most of the time it doesn't mean anything real and sometimes charges us up for a real girl at home.

  • I understand girlie but you don't need to trip off of him. Yea she's probably a gorgeous dancer and all that stuff but you should think about her life outside of stripping, she might have a boyfriend, husband, family, kids, etc. who knows.so you shouldnt worry too much and besides you should love yourself and not worry about what he thinks of her. He belongs to you and you to him. If he didn't think you were beautiful he wouldn't be with you. To him you are beautiful and that stripper doesn't matter, just think of that. there's always gonna be people that look way better than us, but that doesn't mean that our guys is gonna leave us for them. the woman is an entertainer, that's her job, that's how she makes money. But yeah if it makes you feel any better, maybe you should go with some friends and take a trip to a strip club for women, trust me you're gonna see some good looking men that looks better than your boyfriend lol and lets see what he says about that haaa.

  • You are not stupid at all. What did you end up doing in the end? Are you still together?

    • If he didn't touch her I would say it's OK . But who shoves a bat up they're p****

  • well I hope you don't think sticking baseball bats in your cooch is normal. lol

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