What is his deal?

[mixed-signals-620]

I work with a guy my age. We were both getting divorced at the same time. We had an attraction. We hung out and were good friends. We have known each other for 3 years now. We worked the same shift for a year then he went to days. He made the comment once that we get along so well if we had sex it would probably ruin our relationship. Well we did have sex later on. He came on to me. After we did things fell apart right then. It was weird. I really like him still. He had lead me to believe that he was interested in a relationship at one point that is why I had sex with him. We did not have the "talk" about what was going to happen after until after the sex. I got mad when we were in bed because he made a reference to being "friends with benefits" right then. I left. I was hurt. He did try to back track after he said that jokingly but I didn't like it. He did call me the next day and said he had a great time and that he would talk to me later. That was on a Tues. He called me back on Friday and said he was upset because he hadn't heard from me. I called him back told him I was busy and we had a not so great conversation. He was kind of mean. I stewed about it and I left him a message the next day that was mean. We didn't speak for a month and I called him one night to get a ride home and he said that he had had sex with his ex and that he wasn't looking for a relationship or a girlfriend etc... He just brought it up I didn't initiate it. I was hurt but I let it go left him alone. That was over a year ago. Since then he has called me on Holidays got me a couple of little gifts. Calls every month or so to talk. I don't always answer. Now he is coming to my shift again in a week. He has been working over and made a beeline right for me that first day he saw me. He then came over to my area before he left to tell me bye. He questioned me about another coworker who he knows likes me. Was very jealous it seemed to me about this guy. Asked me how this other guy was doing and I looked at him funny and said well he is here why don't you ask him?Then he said Is he still chasing you around like he did before? In a very jealous tone! He also made it a point to tell me he isn't seeing anyone and he spends his nights at home alone with his cat. My question is: What is his deal? He made it clear he doesn't want anything over a year ago and it's not like he calls me all of the time. He doesn't ask me out. I don't bother him. I did call to get a recipe from him once. If he isn't in to me why does he act jealous. My friends can't figure him out. He knew I liked him I told him that. It's like as soon as he thinks he might get what he wants he sabotages it. He came by everyday last week to tell me bye. What do I do now that I have to work with him again?I am civil to him. I'm not mean but I do like him and I don't want to let on that I do because I was honest with him before and it was a disaster. Was I just a booty call after a 2 year friendship? Help!

[iloveyou]

Wow. This guy seriously can't make up his mind. He is obviously jealous now, but that doesn't have to mean that he cares about you. He could just not someone to have what he doesn't have. People always want what they don't have even if they don't actually want it, they don't want anyone else to have it.

My advice is to be careful with him because I don't trust him. See how he continues to act and if he is still acting suspicious I think you should confront him and ask him exactly what you asked here. Tell him to be completely honest with you. Tell him if he seriously is just messing around to leave you alone for good. People who once considered each other friends shouldn't be like this. It's just wrong.

Make the right choices and avoid getting hurt by him again. Good luck.

[mixed-signals-620]

Thanx for the reply. Yes he did know how I felt. I made that very clear! I won't do him again unless he approaches me with the I'm ready for a relationship deal.

[tammymac]

First it sounds like you still want him. If this is correct you have to make it plain & clear that you will not settle for being his phone a f*&^ friend. Tell him you would love to date and have a relationship but to you that means more then just sex. Take it from me if you do him before you get a firm answer from him he will only do the same thing over again. And you will end up unhappy once again. good luck with this.

[mixed-signals-620]

Thanx. I did tell him before very plain. I won't mess with him again and he knows that but it doesn't seem to stop him from trying here and there. He needs to grow up. I did like him very much but I won't be treated like that! He didn't talk to me tonite.

[johnsmith2116]

I don't know that he necessarily meant you as a casual thing at first, but he wasn't tasteful about how he handled things . And the jealousy isn't mature either .

But please don't say that dating a co-worker isn't a good thing . Sometimes it has worked out for people . . This guy would have treated you the same even if he didn't work with you .

Hopefully you have moved on and don't have to tolerate that any longer .

[tudorsevern]

Watch out!! He could say he is ready and not mean it. Take it easy and without doubt if you focus you will know when he is serious.