Scared of virgins?

So here's a question I have.

Are guys scared of virgins? Or intimidated by them? I'm 21 years old and a virgin. I'm not a prude or anything the opportunity just never arose. I wasn't allowed to date in HS and I haven't had a serious-working relationship ever (I'm not heinous or a prude I'm just a little commitment phobic).

one of my friends keeps telling me to just go out and have sex because I'm losing my "prime" years and that guys are scared of virgins so I best lose my virginity soon.

Guys, what's your opinion? Are virgin's scary? If I end up in a situation with a guy I really like, should I tell him? or just hide the fact that I am? Is it a turn off?


Most Helpful Guy

  • The best way to describe what we are is Apprehensive.

    When a guy hears that a girl hasn't had sex yet, his first question is obviously "well why?"

    Now as you just explained, the opportunity hadn't presented itself.

    But because you're a virgin, the first time a guy tries to have sex with you, knowing you're a virgin, your reaction will greatly affect how he judges your character, intentions, agenda, morals, character. A lot of things will then ride on your first sexual interaction.

    Say you're seeing a guy and he tries to initiate sex. You don't think you've been seeing him long enough to feel comfortable doing anything with him yet. So you turn him down on it this time. Maybe after seeing him a little longer.

    But knowing you're a virgin, he interprets your simple decision as a more solid choice that you're not ready to have sex yet. And he assumes you probably won't be for quite some time.

    The way a guy looks at it is: "Hey, she's gone this long without having sex. She seems to be pretty consciously set on not doing it. Why would I be a pioneer and gamble time and effort on results that may or may not present themselves. Why would I be the one to convince her to have sex if no one else has?"

    They kind of view your virginity like this:

    If you were going to play the lottery, but had not heard a single case of someone winning, you'd be a little apprehensive.

    Also, some guys feel that a girl becomes really clingy once he takes her virginity.

    But if you're in this "situation" with a guy, are you talking about a sexual situation, or a relationship-esque situation?

    I suppose how you treat the knowledge your virginity will affect the nature of your relationship.

    If you tell him you're a virgin, he might try to take the relationship slower and be a little more sweet to you because he sees great potential in your ability to keep it that long. He could see it as a sign of faithfulness.

    He could ALSO avoid going to far out of his way to commit to you until he's had sex with you.

    Depends on what kind of guy he is.

    All guys are different.

    • Wait, could you explain that 3rd to last line in further detail? I was a virgin before my current boyfriend. We were "fooling around" for months before I gave him my virginity, and even though we had admitted to having fallen for each other and being incredibly close, he still had not asked me to be his girlfriend. About 4 or 5 months into things, I was comfortable with him to give him my virginity - about 1 week after that he asked me to be his girlfriend.

      Is this what you're trying to say?

    • Show All
    • No. In an adult relationship, what guys often do is wait you out. To a guy, sex doesn't mean a relationship. But they also know that a relationship doesn't always equal sex.

      It's more of a standoff procedure. They're basically saying "hmmm, I really like this girl and she really makes me happy, but if she doesn't have sex, I don't know if I can be as faithful to her as I'd want to be as a boyfriend."

      It doesn't mean it's all about sex.

      Men are just very willing to wait and see before committing

    • Thanks! That makes me feel better :) I believe we have a stable, faithful, and most likely adult relationship. I'm 19, but he is 25 and sure, I understand that's a large age gap, but we've had no problems. The way I see it is that if everything works out and nothing illegal is going on, age shouldn't matter. We're happier than ever!

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What Guys Said 8

  • Naw. In fact, I'd hope to find a girl who's a virgin; I'm a virgin.

    I'm intimidated in some ways by girls (in general), virgin or not. ;)

    Don't listen to your friend. Actually, as I hear it, sexual peak for women is in their 30's. MEN supposedly have it in their 20's. You'll be fine.

    You should rob a bank because you can use the cash in your twenties and you can become more financially stable, and when you are rich, guys will like you more!

    Doing anything that you're not ready for just because a friend tells you to might not be the best way to run your life. Does she have your best interests really at heart, or is she just "bossing you around" or trying to convince you to do it because it seems fun?

    Personally, I like women and girls who don't sleep with guys to early or just to lose the "V Card."

    • Wow, good for you. I admire and respect that. Certainly not many guys in your age category that are virgins. I also still have my "V Card" as you would put it.

  • Listen it's your body and you do what you want with it. If you wanna wait till your married then wait, but if you really don't care and want to have sex, then have sex.

    As I was answering this question, I couldn't really figure out what to say, so I'm going to answer this as if I were you.

    It's going to be your first time so I wouldn't just give it up to anyone. Have sex with someone you really like and are probably in a relationship with. That way you'll enjoy it, like the way you imagined it. Make sure your wet, and he's gentle. If you have sex with a random guy, he's ganna probably just look out for himself and get what he wants, someone you really like will make sure it's the best experience ever.

    I don't know why a guy would be scared, especially a guy that sucks in bed, you really don't know what to expect, so a guy can't really do much wrong. Some guys might be scared cause they might not want to hurt you or have you get attachment problems.

  • First of all, virgin's are not scary, in fact, it's the best thing you could probably tell a guy. When one of your friends says your losing your "prime" years as they might say, ignore this. It's better if you wait until you find the right person. The kind of person you could see yourself with for a long time. Losing your virginity just beacuse your friend tells you that you should, isn't a true friend. If you end up in a situation with a guy you really like, yes you should tell him about it. That would be the right and honest thing to do. And no it is not necessarily a turn-off, but to some people it is because for various reasons.

  • I don't believe that guys are scared of virgins; it's just that you aren't on the same page with most guys. Late teens and early twenties, guys just want to get laid. Being with a virgin means that it probably won't happen so they just sight in on other targets.

    Your friend's comment to you supports this belief. She's telling you that once the word gets out that you will have sex, then more guys will be interested in dating you; or f**king you, whichever description you prefer.

  • well I can't really top off what Little-Hippie said lol but sometimes being a virgin can be a turn on. like during sex you could be like. what do you want me to do next? kinda thing. :D

  • I'm scared that I will hurt her, that's about it

  • I personally love the thought of being a woman's first. I've answered this question before, but I'm happy to reply again. I was 21 when I had sex for the first time, and I remember how anxious and curious I was. I had heard so many things about sex, that I couldn't wait to finally have my chance. That kind of curiousity is just sexy to me. What an adventure it would be to get to teach a woman about all the glorious possibilities of sex.

    Don't worry about guys thinking it is scary.I think its hot!

  • It really depends on what type of guy,

    1. A guy who just wants to root then yes because he will know its hard to get in ur pants

    2. A guy who wants a girlfriend and if possible to turn serious would fukin LOVE IT trust me it kills me that my girlfriend want a virgin when I met her, deep down inside all guys with serious girlfriend with their girlfriend were/are prime virgins.


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