Sexual Relationships
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What do I do now, she doesn't satisfy me anymore?

My girlfriend and love of my life have been together for over 3 years and have known each other for much longer. Almost a year ago I broke down and told her that I wasn't happy with our sex life. For the first half of our relationship she was an enthusiastic lover and willing to try new things. She has seemed to lose all interest in sex unless I get upset which seems to turn her on. She was VERY generous during the first year or so providing oral 4-5 times a week and sex twice as much. Of course I don't mind returning the favor, in fact I love to. When things first slowed down to 1-2 times a week I reacted poorly and bothered her to do it more than she really wanted to. After a while of me bothering her she told me that me asking for it so often ruined it for her. I took her advice to heart and stopped asking but she would forget about doing it and it would be weeks before she'd remember. During this time she asked me if I would do oral more, which I was happy to do. She started giving me 'Coupons' for doing nice things but when I tried to use one she told me she wasn't in the mood and was going to half ass it. I told her not to worry about it. Now I haven't gotten it since Valentines day (12 days ago) have been patently waiting but earlier today she indicated she wasn't interested in sex and then without me bring it up she also mentioned that she realized she hasn't done it in a while but still really didn't feel like doing it today. Before she left for work she asked why I've been acting funny. Last night I was looking at engagement rings and thinking about how I'd propose and now I'm sitting here wondering if I can be happy with a girl that doesn't try to make me happy. Just a few things to note 1) I am always freshly showered and clean when the opportunity is present 2) we both have our own places so we have plenty of alone time. 3) I invested in things to spice up our sex life 4) I've done everything she's asked to improve our sex life. 5) We have a great relationship outside of sex. I love spending time with her and taking her out. So now I'm afraid to tell her that I'm not happy. We have had this conversation every couple months and it always comes down to her saying 'every relationship slows down' and then we agree that she'll try harder to be more active and I agree not to bring it up so much. I've been holding up my end by not bringing it up but I don't think she is holding up her end. I love her but I'm not happy. Before she left for work I told her we could talk when she got home in 4 hours. So now I'm not sure what to do. Do I tell her again that I'm not happy with our sex life? What do I do if she doesn't try?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • The thing with women is, we aren't just in the mood like guys are (only in the beginning of the relationship, when everything is excited and new). Try to bring some of that excitement into the relationship. Don't expect her to just have sex because you are a couple, make sure she desperately want to.

    You said yourself it turns her on when you get upset. It seems to me like, apart from that, you don't really know how to turn her on (and I'm not talking about how to make her come). An entire evening can be foreplay if you take it really slow and DON'T RUSH IT. Don't try to move to the sex part to fast, it's what many guys do. Women really enjoy innocent foreplay most:

    kissing, flirting, innocent touching, basically making out like did before you guys had sex. It might trigger some of that early excitement. If you do this without trying to get in her pants, she'll try to get in yours by the end of the evening. Women love the game of seduction.

    • I should have added this to the question but that is one thing she brought up months ago when we had a talk. She asked me to make out with her more and take it slow. I tried it and now she does this thing where if I try to make a move or kiss her she just says 'I love you.' which is now her code for 'I'm not in the mood'

  • I remember when I was with my ex for 3 years and aour sex life was so boring after a while. It jsut gets boring same place, same position, same person. IT just get boring that's the only way I knoe how to explain it. Try Getting into a huge fight or something and then have make up sex.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Well sir, this is exactly why people have affairs. They absolutely love the person they're with, yet aren't, like yourself, satisfied sexually. You could easily get a mistress, or use a prostitute (hey I'm just saying they're options).

    Bottom line is bro some women just don't get how sex is so important to men, AND she's got a low sex drive, so there you have it.

    Are you gonna stick it out with her the rest of your life?

    Maintain something on the side?

    Find a new girl?

    I shoot for the hip, and this is what it comes down to in my opinion.

    BTW, I know 3 years is long investment, but when making this decision, try to keep that out of your mind, trust me.

  • its only been three years. get married and find out what its like in 15. will she ever want sex? I vote against getting married or engaged. she's got a low sex drive, I'm sure there are meds that can be taken to help out with that but I'm not sure I would want my girl on meds just to have sex with me. seems kinda like... I'm not wanted I guess. you sound like a pretty good guy that lots of women would be happy with. try finding a new one maybe?

    • If you don't like my answers stop commenting. Do I need to block you to assist you?

    • sure that would be nice

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 1

  • Tell her she's a selfish, self absorbed, one sided lover.

    Tell her to try, don't ask, tell.

    • ya I'm sure insulting her will help lots.

    • Clearly hints are not working idiot

  • Dude in my opinion I think you should relax and don't take sex life that much serious. And well, my suggestion for you guys is to stay at one place and not at seperate places. Probably it will make your life more better.

    Plus I think you guys should discus this sex stuff and solve it but not bring it up like you are not satisfied but as resolving your problem as mostly couples do, resolve their problems together and sex is also just a normal problem. I hope it will work. Good Luck

    • Im in the same situation but I live with her and i already told and asked her that it would be nice to try hardwr but nothing has changed

  • Oh man, if you get this figured out you might be able to save a few relationships out there, honesty is the best policy...

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