Virgin till marriage, guys reject me a lot!

Question

so I'm 20 and I want to wait till marriage to have sex. I'm really pretty  and I get asked out a lot and have had many bfs...but usual things tend to end badly... I tend to tell guy about my virginity within the first few days and they usually are shocked some will break up with me after that by a few days others will try to pressure me and ill end up breaking up with them. I'm starting to feel really badly about it. I don't understand why I can't find a guy OK with my virginity... :( what am I doing wrong...?

hisangel · Accepted Answer

Someone saying they are remaining a virgin till marriage isn't just a life decision that affects them, it affects the other person as well. Not only does it make him have to decide if he wants to wait months to years for sex, it also makes him decide if he wants to get married! That isn't bad at all but you have to understand he may just be looking for a relationship where you guys do fun things together and isn't even thinking about the commitment. So when you say you "I'm waiting till marriage" he hears "I'm not having sex with you. AND if you stay with me this is leading to marriage." And to a guy marriage is not just love but responsibility. He has to think about getting a steady job, buying a house, making sure you and the kids are taken care of some day. That's probably a little too intense to think about when you just meet a girl.

So you need to understand that you come with responsibilities the way a single mom might come with certain responsibilities. It's not that they don't want you. It's that they just aren't ready to make a commitment yet. I know romantic comedies make us think that we can turn playboys into faithful husbands but that rarely, rarely happens. I'm not going to save never. But if a party guy turns into a one woman guy it's because he is already thinking about doing it and then he meets the right woman. No guy who is loving playing the field is going to settle down for any woman!

I think your best bet to avoid heartbreak is to find a guy who shares your beliefs, is older or is a close friend. If you are waiting for religious reasons, only look for guys in your religion cause they will value that aspect of you. Or you can look for guys who are in their 30's. Who have gotten to the point of not wanting to stay out at a club till 1 in the morning and just want to settle down. Or even finding a guy who is very close to you before you start dating, that might work too. If a guy gets to know you and starts to care about you as a person, he is much more likely to sacrifice for you and not push you into doing things you don't want. But if you keep trying to convert guys into husbands, instead of finding a guy who wants to be a husband, you will probably keep getting hurt.

pitunkie · Accepted Answer

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at your age, and those guys who can't handle that then they really didn't deserve you in the first place, so don't feel bad there is nothing wrong with you and what you are doing, I admire what you are doing because I believe the same thing, and if you just keep your head I guarantee you will find the guy you're looking for.

I learned this quote from a movie; "It's good to be by yourself for the rest of your life, than spend one mintue with bad company," and hun those guys were bad company, so keep it pushing and don't look back at them for one second, if they can't handle it then they are not worth it, believe when I say it. <3

Hazel63 · Accepted Answer

I'm in the same boat. :( Don't feel bad. You should never give up your morals just for a guy. If a man really loves you he will stay with you and cherish you until you are ready or wait till the day he can call you his wife. Unfortunately we are at a time in our lives when that's all guys want from a girl. :/ Its gonna be hard to find someone who is willing to wait. But when you do you will be glad you did! Hopefully we both find that guy eventually. :) haha

markml · Accepted Answer

Well, I am proud of you :)

Your best bet is to find a guy who also wants to wait until marriage. Believe me, we are out there!

Without knowing more specifics about the kind of guys you go for, I can't tell you if you are doing anything wrong.

But I can give you some of my own thoughts, which may help:

The reason I'm willing to wait is because I believe sex is not enough to be happy. I've met plenty of guys who would probably never even bother with women if they couldn't have sex, but I already know I want more than sex. I want to find true love, as silly as that sounds even to me. I'm willing to keep looking until I find it. Obviously, I won't know right when I meet someone. The idea that true love happens instantaneously is a Hollywood movie, not reality. True love is built upon trust, which is something you build over time.

And I always think it's funny when people talk about "no strings attached" sex, because sex is the biggest string you can have in a relationship. I want to know that I'm with someone because I want to be with that person, not because I have an ulterior motive for staying with them. I want to be with someone that I want to wait for.

But being a guy in that situation is certainly not easier than being a woman. The guy is supposed to approach the woman and do all these things to show how interested he is in her, before he's even gotten to know her. For a guy whose modus operandi is sex, this is no problem since all he has to do is look at your physical beauty to know if you are worth his time. But a guy who wants more than that has to act the same way, but with so much less to go on...he'll be honestly less confident, because he has no certainty of anything until he gets to know you better. But it works two ways...you should always encourage a guy to want to get to know you, by showing that you are interested in getting to know him.

TheFallen · Accepted Answer

The best thing to do is not tell the guy that you are waiting for marriage but that you aren't in the mood or aren't interested right now or something along those lines. It will keep him hanging on. He won't have to think about the commitment and responsibilities that come with staying with you. When a guy dates a girl most of them aren't thinking is this the girl I want to be with for the rest of my life. All that is going through their minds is Sex Sex Sex. Especially at your age. I myself and 23 and when I look at a girl my first thought is usually "What does she look like with those clothes off." Its OK I know I am a perv quite often. Its my nature, I enjoy sex and desire quite often. Can I do without? Yes in fact I can but when I am with a girl I don't want to and I will work every charm in the book to get it. But if she simple says no then I am OK with that. However if she says I am waiting tell marriage then its "Crap, marriage, that word. Um. I'm not ready for marriage (again for me). That's a long time away. I can't wait that long. I gotta get out of this." and that's about how it goes. So to keep a guy around its all in how you present it. Good Luck and I hope you find that guy you are looking for.

MissedConnection10 · Answer

You know, there is a guy on here is posting a lot of questions about finding a virgin himself. 25-29 but he's anonymous, too...

Quadrophonic84 · Answer

It's not about you, it's about their expectations. Openly having premarital sex now is considered the norm. I have only ever dated one woman who was saving her virginity, and she ended up giving it to me after four months.

If you decide that's what you want, you've got to be ready to sacrifice for it. But there's nothing wrong with you. It's the times you're in.

malekoniky · Answer

Staying virgin is hard and pays off. But still it's hard. You are not doing anything wrong. Try it with me. Just kidding. :D

kangle · Answer

Well follow your ideals n leave those guys. A true lover or gentleman would respect ur wishes and love u:) wait for that guy:)

soccerguy90 · Answer

You are not doing anything wrong! I'm a virgin and I'm 21 waiting till I'm married. You just gonna find the right guy who wants to wait too or who is nice and not obsessed with only having sex. By the way you should totally send me a friend request :)

Hello_World · Answer

Try church, that is where you will find like minded people.

"Do not be unequally yoked..."

Im 28 and saving myself for my wife.

It just goes to show those men are after one thing, good riddance, its better to figure out what gimps they are sooner than later.

l-hedoniste · Answer

"I want to wait till marriage to have sex."

Most of us don't, nor do we want to suspend our sex lives while deciding: a. whether we like you, b. whether you like us, c. whether we want to marry you, and d. whether you want to marry us. It doesn't mean we're not okay with your virginity, it means you cannot offer us the sort of relationship we need.

Maybe you want to stick to guys who want the same thing you do.

MissRed13 · Answer

Saving yourself till marriage? More power to you. A choice like that shows that you have self control (one of the fruits of the spirit). Just try not to tell the guy in the first few days till you get to know his values better and you fell that you should share yours. And if the dude wants to leave you because of your personal choice, leave him alone, it wasn't meant to be anyway. A guy who cares about you will respect your choices and personal values.

Anthony2022 · Answer

I know how you feel...I wanted to wait till marriage but I'm starting to give up because every girl gives it away so easy these days, I'm 20 too and every time I tell a girl I am they never believe me, the only reason I'm waiting is  because I don't wanna make a mistake, I'm actually really happy to hear there's actually virgins at my age, I was beginning to think I was the only one...If your pretty like you say you are its an accomplishment if your still a virgin, almost every guy cares about sex more then anything. Your doing nothing wrong, sadly most guys are assholes :/ and most girls are easy, I'm starting to worry if ill even find another girl, all I can say is goodluck  because 98% of guys aren't gunna wait...:(

Phoma21 · Answer

you just got to find the right guy. its gonna take time.

Stereotype · Answer

you can either find a:

a) genuinely happy, confident guy who knows what he wants and doesn't want to be strung along until you two, in all likelihood, break up. And thus he won't bother with you.

or

b) a wuss who will put up with that restriction just so that he can be with *someone.*

good luck! neither of those two options seem any good to me...

(and trust me, with the amount of competition out there and the amount of attractive women who do jump into bed, you'd have to be the most interesting and amazing person on the planet to get an attractive guy to choose you despite this)

IAmAnon123 · Answer

You have to realize that you're living in a time when most people (especially guys) aren't going to restrict their lives like that anymore. You're not doing anything wrong, it's just that abstinent guys are extremely rare (in fact, I think I've only met two in my entire life). If you choose to be abstinent, that's fine, but don't expect most guys you meet to share those values, or be OK with the fact that they won't get to have sex with their girlfriend, especially at this age.

drummerdude25 · Answer

The only thing you're doing wrong is you're not looking for a virgin guy like myself! lol

I'd be more than fine with your decision, in fact, I'd prefer it! The right guy is out there, you just need to start looking in the right places... :)

hALLDAY · Answer

It's nothing to do with being a virgin, more the choice not to do it until your married. Find someone with the same beliefs as you.

mike7560 · Answer

I have the same problem as you . As a guy most women do not think a 20 year old guy would be a virgin waiting for marriage  . You just have to fine the right guy he is out there somewhere.  Good luck

Lucky1227 · Answer

just do it...

just_the_way_you_are · Answer

You are doing nothing wrong.  At least I hope you aren't.  If you are, then so am I...

dasquirrel · Answer

i know I'm gonna sound crazy, but would you like to talk about maybe going on a date. I'm a virgin too, and think it's great that you are too. No pressure. I know someone is going to call me a liar and say I'm only trying to get in your pants. I'm not. Please give me a chance.