I was raped and I don't know what to do?

Question

I was raped quite recently, and I just don't know what to do! :((( what's worse is it was my boyfriends best friend and he doesn't know :( I told him I was raped and it took all of my strength to do that but he doesn't know it was his best friend and we still have to do things with him like go to town and stuff. I don't know what to do :((((

Cascade · Accepted Answer

This kind of sitation is the most brutal, and obviously I can not know from first hand experience, nor will I ever claim to know. But what I can say, for some reason wheter its destiny or not, the majority of girfriends I have had have been sexually abused or raped in some way, so I know that you can be happy afterward. Varied situations, some by friends or family, more than one who had been assaulted twice, but almost always by someone they know. Most of the time, it was something that happened in their past and they opened up to me about it, so there was nothing I could do and I felt helpless to help, which made me feel even worse, and guilty for myself feeling helpless, knowing I could not even fathom the pain they were going through. But every single one of those women were absolutely gorgeous, inside and out (even if society or other people didn't always deem so) and they did manage to be happy, and find love again. It won't be easy, but it can be done, there is a light inside you that shines so brilliantly and with such intensity that it can force away the pain and melt it all away. That light is call willpower, with a mixture of hope, and with that intense spark of will and wanting for life to be happier again you can conquer all of your pain, and every other obsticale that stands in your way. But there is one requirement... That is action, you have to take action, stand up for yourself and your rights, and realize the demon is not you, it is just your mind reacting to an incredibly stressful and horryfying experience. Just as others said there is help, the first step is to go to a councillor or psychologist, even if you don't feel comfortable going to the police right this instant, do not take this pain as your responsibility to bear, there are many women who have experience what you have and recovered from it, and found true love and success in their life beyond their wildest imaginations, and that is the truth.

htownkboxer · Accepted Answer

wtf...report that ahole! If this is no lie, then go to the cops FAST! please tell me you can prove it somehow! if you can't, keep warning other girls about him (it's not slander if it doesn't ruin his professional image or if he can't prove he did not do it)

also, your ex-bf is kind of a d*ck. he left you after his friend raped u? there's no justification for that...the only thing I can see is he either thinks of you as an object, and now that your tainted he wants nothing to do with you, OR he set it up. I wish the latter was NEVER true, but I've heard of guys doin that. I really hope it's not the latter

at this point get up, do whatever you need to do to get back on your two feet (curse both those dbag's, goto therapy, escape to another city, or whatever else puts all this crud behind you) and move on. yea this is gonna be a HUGE part of your life for a while...but it won't be forever. lean on whoever you must lean on and talk to those you trust about it! I'm serious...this biggest thing eating you up is that your not talking about it and figuring out what you can do to feel less confused and violated.

seriously, best of luck to you. not all guys are aholes like these two. I don't believe in religion, but I hope god/allah/buddah/whatever helps you get back on your feet

Darkfairie17 · Accepted Answer

Go to the hospital and report it to the police. I know it's scary and you are afraid of how he will react, but you didn't chose this to happen to you. His friend was a complete monster and raped you. He deserves to go to jail for what he did.

You don't deserve to see this monster again and have to hide the secret, you need to be safe and feel safe. I would tell someone you trust and have them go with you, your mom, aunt, best friend, whoever you feel you can trust. I know this is a scary time, but seriously report it so he won't do it to someone else. If he has raped you, he has probably raped someone else or is thinking about it, or he may even try to rape you again. I'm not saying this to scare you, but I am urging you to report it. I know that you are afraid of how your boyfriend will react, but I'm sure he won't be friends with this guy much longer once he finds out. The best thing you can do for yourself and your boyfriend is to report what happened.

You didn't cause this and it's not your fault. Don't worry about getting in trouble because you didn't do anything wrong. The guy who raped you was a monster and he deserves to be punished for what he did. You deserve to be safe and to feel safe, and I'm sure that as long as that monster is free to do what he wants you won't feel safe at all. So do the best thing for yourself and seek help!

traceyjill · Accepted Answer

Honey, you have EVERYTHING to live for. Your family, your future children, your future goals, YOURSELF. What that man did to you does NOT define you in any way, it's what HE did, it's on HIM, not on you! It's an isolated incident that happened because your boyfriend's friend is a sick bastard, it says nothing about who you are.

And this is hard to accept and you probably don't want to believe it, but if your boyfriend left you when you needed his support most, you shouldn't be with him to begin with! A man worth being with would have supported and comforted you and if he's too scared to help you when you need him most, he can just as easily betray you some other time, so consider it a GOOD thing he's out of your life.

in the meantime, CALL THE POLICE! They need to do a rape kit, the longer you wait, the worse. Not to mention you need to see the doctor, did he use protection? You need to get yourself checked out for any STI's or anything like that.

Don't be scared! If you're too afraid to do it yourself, talk to a councilor or a parent, someone you can trust, get them to call the police. No one will judge you for what happened to you, no one will think worse of you, people will want to protect you and help you. You don't have to hide anything or live with this inside you. My heart goes out to you.

oneforthetruth · Accepted Answer

BIG HUGS, AND don't let that be the reason for not telling anyone else, look, your boyfriend reacted badly, for whatever reason, and the fact he don't talk to his best friend anymore is a sign he believes you.

But, he acted badly and that makes him a prick, but what happened to you is not right and can never be excused, and holding it in, will only make it worse (if any worse can ever be the case in these situations)

Never been raped, but I can imagine once you;ve told someone, despite the reactions you might get, it must feel like a weight lifted? I can only assume.

And I would always say go to the police and report him, because he could be out doing it to others, I know some people don't like the thought of raking it all up, but I don't believe in letting people get away with this kind of thing, and this is my advice,

BeowulfNode · Answer

my girlfriend has been raped and abused by numerous guys even once at a work function that I wasn't at, after we started going out, and I still love her.

this is not a reason to break up with you. You deserve someone better.

I think it was very important for our relationship that she told me.

Knowing that the downs in her emotional roller coast is almost never my fault helps me be the person she needs me to be. It lets me provide her loving support when she is upset and sometimes unreasonable. Just know that they will not know what to say or that there is anything else to say apart from I love you.

All in all my Girlfriend has had a hard life. I have only love and respect for her, your Boyfriend should feel that way about you too, if he doesn't then he isn't worthy to be with you.

I'm not an expert in this but while talking is good, a hug from someone who knows and loves you while you cry is good too, combine them for a double dose. Just realize that the person to give you those hugs probably isn't and expert and will often be lost for words.

TheAnswerer · Answer

There are two things I want to say to you:

1-) No one can get over rape by themselves. You need to get help. You are not thinking or feeling the same way you thought and felt before the rape. It disrupts your thoughts and feelings, and haunts you down, and there is only one way to deal with it: To get help.

You need to find a therapist and work with him/her, and don't be embarassed about it. Do not forget that therapists are bound to keep your secret and not share it with anyone.

Please get immediate help.

2-) As you said, HE raped YOU. You are the VICTIM, not the criminal here. Please do not think that you are the demon. You had nothing to do there. You were just protecting yourself from further physical harm by letting him rape you. You were PROTECTING yourself, and you were OUTPOWERED. You are not responsible for what has happened to you, and by no means are you a demon.

Let's think of this: Could you have done anything to avoid this? Could you have defended yourself? Could you be able to stop him? The answer for all of these is NO. You were NOT given the choice.

Do not let HIS horrible act cause YOU to feel guilty. You are AS innocent as you were before the rape. NOTHING changed. You are still who you are. Your soul is still the same, untainted, since you did not commit any evil act or heionus crime to feel guilty about. That's what he did, not what you did.

toulouse · Answer

why would you go to town with your rapist. he should be locked up, f*** your boyfriend if he's going to be an ass. respect yourself or no one else will.

true_lover · Answer

go to te police damn it !

i don't know if he threatend you.. but just do it !

seriously, the only person you should think about now is YOU. and you have just been used really badly ! go to the police, tell your boyfriend and mother/father/family(whoever you feel comfortable with)

you can't keep this for yourself

vera123 · Answer

TELL THE POLICE. he could do this again to someone else. how could you allow that knowing how horrible it is? and you seriously need to see a therapist. this is not a light matter. you need to have someone help you recover. and GET THAT GUY IN JAIL

ray19 · Answer

This is NOT your fault. His best friend did this, not you. I don't know why your boyfriend would leave you, but nothing is wrong with you. I've been suicidal before and wondered what I had to live for, so don't ask that question, because you have a lot to live for. Your boyfriend should have helped you through this, so he lost you, you didn’t lose him. Make sure the guy who did this has been caught, and please at least let a hospital know if you haven't. Family won't leave you, so please tell any close family too. What happened isn't your fault and close family will not leave you. Please don't think you have a demon, because you're better than that. Don't be depressed and have more confidence to tell someone close. Please get better soon. :)

evilred23 · Answer

Really sorry to hear that happened.. happened to my sister too.. I know how hard it can be.. But you have to be strong. There are organisation around you who can support you and help through it. You have the rights to have justice and to rights to speak about it. You need to speak about it. Find someone who you can trust and talk to, help you find some closure.. It is not something you should have to hide or carry inside you.. I know it's his is friend.. But his best friend wouldn't have done this to him or you. Any man who can do that doesn't belong in society... Keep your faith strong, don't give up. Don't be afraid to talk out. Your are the victim here.. You did nothing wrong.

Tofraz · Answer

Dust yourself off and go on with your life. You do'nt always have to "do" something about it.

suavaye · Answer

be strong and tell the truth, don't feel ashamed and stand up for yourself. the WORST thin you can do is keep it inside, my girlfriend was raped and never told anyone but me and 2 other people, she still deals with it and it causes lots of problems btwwen us. don't be afraid to speak out

gummybear888 · Answer

get a lawyer, go the police, get evidence, go to the doctor and make sure you didn't get some disease, and get counselling stat.

i have been in similar circumstances. praying for you and you should get help immediately. shouldn't matter who he is, he's scum for doing that.

chrisnness08 · Answer

I really hope your doing OK. I keep checking back to see if you posted anything. I hope things are working out

chrisnness08 · Answer

First off I hope your doing OK. But I hope by now you went to the cops. Really that's the first step. You and second did you tell your family and your BF? If he loves you he won't reject you if anything he would want to be there for you. And third. I am a psychology student who has worked with plenty of women who have been a victim of violence and there is nothing wrong with you. There is not demon inside you. This is a normal feeling of someone who has been through what you went through. It is a sign of strength that you even went on here and asked for help. Yes your are a victim but that doesn't mean you are powerless. Do not let that attacker take more of you. You need to rise up and remember you are still here you lived. Many women do not get that second chance to live like you. Take back your life. It is not easy. Don't get me wrong it is a journey to recovery but you can get there. I know I do not know you but believe me if you have the strength to ask for help here that means you took a first giant step and that shows you CAN and WILL get through this. Don't give up hope you will not loose your boyfriend if he will want to help you just take that leap of faith. I genuinely hope you read this because help is just a reach away. There are plenty of hot lines to reach and people to go through. If you went to the police which I hope you did they have plenty of resources. Please don't give up hope. Take back your life from that evil monster. You are worth anything you want. You have your whole life to live for. Do not let him win do not let yourself be a powerless victim you are strong you can be victorious. Take back your life.  This is a wonderful place to go to find help and find strength through others  visit   takebackthenight.org   good luck and don't give up hope.

emilyzenella · Answer

you need to tell someone. DID you go to the hospital after it happened? If you don't tell someone, he could end up doing it to another girl, is that really what you want?

BananaGirl47 · Answer

please don't try to go through this alone. what this guy did was wrong and he needs to be locked up. don't be afraid oof losing them. everyone isn't going to leave you. you have every reason to live. you just need to tell someone

DonMichelle · Answer

I can't believe this... why didn't you tell him immediately AND the police... you've been RAPED!?!?! This isn't something small like he winked at you, something serious like tried to kiss you, it's something disgraceful/sickening that needed to be adressed (and still does, if he did it to you who's to say he won't do it again?!?!?!)

sporty2014 · Answer

you need to report it.  keeping it a secret will only hurt you more.  your boyfriend was an idiot for leaving you, it wasn't your fault, you were a victim.  No one else will react like that, I promise!  Even if you decide not to report it you need to tell someone to have somebody to talk to. I'm sorry that that happened to you. stay strong. I'll pray for you. God bless.

--phil-- · Answer

hey mesage me I'm sure ican help that's so harsh how he'd rape you so message me and ill smash this guy out for you and teach him a lesson and make sure it doesn't happen again

becky9110 · Answer

I know its been a few since you posted this but I was in a similar situation. If you need someone to talk to you can add me on here or MSN if you have it. beckylynn911@hotmail.com I'm so sorry that happened to you :( you should have reported it though...Like I said if you need anyone to talk to get at me.