He can't keep an erection?

Question

I have been in a relationship with this guy for two months and during that time I have slept over in his house twice. The first time, he got an erection but couldn't keep it long enough to have sex. Second time, more or less the same thing, once it got anywhere near me, he lost it - that was twice - once in the evening and once in the morning.

So he just says he's nervous and tells me he does really fancy me and I do turn him on. I'm just getting really frustrated - I don't want to sound like a b*tch, I am trying to be understanding, I tell him it's OK, no big deal, I tell him I fancy the pants off him etc, to boost his confidence.

I suggested I come to his house on Thursday and he said 'if you want, but I can't make any promises as I'll be tired from working'. It's like he's already saying he won't be able to keep an erection!

What could be the issue? He's almost 30 by the way, and as far as I can tell, has never been in a serious relationship - maybe this is the problem?

I would appreciate advice from anyone who has been in the same situation? Thanks!

Answer 1

Anonymous

Hey, I've been there. Still trying to figure out what happened. My situation went on for about six months. It never got better. In your situation, all you can do is take it easy. Maybe cuddle and watch a movie here and there. If things go further they do those times. Give him massages. Lots of foreplay. Just try to relax. Be very patient and watch what you say. I know it's really embarrassing to him. So try to avoid mentioning it a lot. Maybe go down on him a lot.

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1 Person

Answer 2

slipslender

Xper 5

it's just a little performance anxiety. do your best to not get frustrated, he just really likes you a lot and wants to live up to it. give it time :) I think nybss^ has the right idea.

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1 Person

Asker

+1 y
thanks for your answer... it's just frustrating, I am trying my best not to let that show though!

Answer 3

Asker

thanks for your answer... it's just frustrating, I am trying my best not to let that show though!

Answer 4

nybss

Xper 5

These things are usually all in his head.

Give it time, don't get upset if he goes soft and most importantly just encourage him slowly and things might work out great.

However if all the calm reasurring foreplay in the world cannot get it working, suggest he see someone.

If he has never been in a serious relationship odds are he is just out of his mind nervous however.

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Asker

+1 y
thanks for your answer - how long do you think we should keep trying until it becomes an issue where he needs to see someone?
nybss

+1 y
it will become obvious. Right now I am sure he is just nervous. He will be able to say later "you know I am completely calm and its still not happening"

Just take a day when not a lot is going on, no work etc and just make it clear he has all the time in the world and be patient. That is probably all the therapy he will need.

Answer 5

Asker

thanks for your answer - how long do you think we should keep trying until it becomes an issue where he needs to see someone?

Answer 6

nybss

it will become obvious. Right now I am sure he is just nervous. He will be able to say later "you know I am completely calm and its still not happening"

Just take a day when not a lot is going on, no work etc and just make it clear he has all the time in the world and be patient. That is probably all the therapy he will need.

Answer 7

Anonymous

He's just nervous. Do you know if he's a virgin? I remember the first time I ever had (tried) sex, I couldn't keep my d*** hard and TRUST ME, I wanted the girls SOOOO bad. So, don't think it's you or anything, he's just probably nervous.

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1 Person

Asker

+1 y
i don't think he's a virgin, but maybe the whole 'relationship' thing is putting pressure on that has never been there before for him
Opinion Owner

+1 y
Ummm, I wouldn't think it's the relationship thing. I don't know if he's scared of it or what. If you said you wanted to f*** on Thursday, I wouldn't be saying "I can't promise you anything", I would try and move it to Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, lol! It almost sounds like he's trying to avoid having sex. I don't know if he's impotent or nervous or WHAT? At 30, he should be good to go! If he's overweight or out of shape, that causes erectile dysfunction.
Asker

+1 y
definitely not overweight or out of shape, no. that was my thought about Thursday though - like would it not be a turn on that I just wanted to stay in and f*ck?! it has been in the past for guys but I guess he is just really nervous and maybe I put on extra pressure by saying that?!
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Opinion Owner

+1 y
Just hearing my girl mention anything about f***ing gets me going right then! I don't know what's going on. My guess is it's one of two things, he's either REALLY REALLY NERVOUS (maybe it's been a LOOOOOOONG time for him. Maybe he's the big V) or he's got Erectile Dysfunction. Maybe he's gay? I really don't know why any guy wouldn't want to have sex. Especially when his girl initiates it! If you don't figure this out, call me, I'll get it juicy for ya! lol Good Luck!

Answer 8

Asker

i don't think he's a virgin, but maybe the whole 'relationship' thing is putting pressure on that has never been there before for him

Answer 9

Opinion Owner

Ummm, I wouldn't think it's the relationship thing. I don't know if he's scared of it or what. If you said you wanted to f*** on Thursday, I wouldn't be saying "I can't promise you anything", I would try and move it to Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, lol! It almost sounds like he's trying to avoid having sex. I don't know if he's impotent or nervous or WHAT? At 30, he should be good to go! If he's overweight or out of shape, that causes erectile dysfunction.

Answer 10

Asker

definitely not overweight or out of shape, no. that was my thought about Thursday though - like would it not be a turn on that I just wanted to stay in and f*ck?! it has been in the past for guys but I guess he is just really nervous and maybe I put on extra pressure by saying that?!

Answer 11

Opinion Owner

Just hearing my girl mention anything about f***ing gets me going right then! I don't know what's going on. My guess is it's one of two things, he's either REALLY REALLY NERVOUS (maybe it's been a LOOOOOOONG time for him. Maybe he's the big V) or he's got Erectile Dysfunction. Maybe he's gay? I really don't know why any guy wouldn't want to have sex. Especially when his girl initiates it! If you don't figure this out, call me, I'll get it juicy for ya! lol Good Luck!

Answer 12

DonMichelle

Yoda

Maybe he didn't find you attractive sexually? I don't mean this in an offensive way but it happens, even if we are in relationships with that person. I've had to close my eyes when I've been having sex before, imagine I'm f***ing someone else just so can stay hard

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2 People

Asker

+1 y
as I said above, he told me I do turn him on and he fancies the pants off me... ?
DonMichelle

+1 y
''He's almost 30 by the way, and as far as I can tell, has never been in a serious relationship''... he wants to get his d*** wet?
Asker

+1 y
em no, that's not it, but thanks for the GREAT help
Show All Show Less
DonMichelle

+1 y
ohhh cmon, sorry if I've offended, a little insensitive on my part... apologies

I'm 21 and as I wrote I've had problems with girls who I like but aren't neccassarily 'my type'

He's nearly 31, is he a drinker, smoker (anxious?)... these things plus age can lead to what I call 'biscuit d***' (imagine a biscuit that's been dipped in a cup of tea for too long... it comes out of your tea VERY SOGGY, sagging... 'biscuit d***') and maintaining, getting an erection is difficult. Has he seen a doctor?
Asker

+1 y
no he hasn't seen a doctor but it's only happened twice, so I don't think it's time for that yet. he doesn't smoke, he drinks socially. he told me that every other time he's had sex with a girl, he's been drunk. we're going to a party next weekend together and we'll be drinking (probably a lot) so maybe it will happen then if what he has said is true?
DonMichelle

+1 y
In all honesty I actually struggle to keep an erection when I'm drunk?!?!?!

When you're drunk and having sex your mind tends to wander... your d*** becomes limp?!?!?

He's an exception to this rule? Has he ever considered using viagra? I use it if I've 'an evening' planned, want to be firm for a while ;)

Maybe he should get some? It's NOTHING to be ashamed about, it can happen to anyone
Asker

+1 y
i guess I will find out at the weekend if he is an exception to the rule!
DonMichelle

+1 y
Have I been MORE help?
Asker

+1 y
yeah it's just obviously the whole story is not above - but like on every other level, things are great - I know he's not just in it to get his d*** wet... so you lost me there, but yes, you have been more help, thanks. I need to give it more time and see how things go. thanks again.
DonMichelle

+1 y
My apologies again ;)

(viagra... viagra... viagra...)

Answer 13

Asker

as I said above, he told me I do turn him on and he fancies the pants off me... ?

Answer 14

DonMichelle

''He's almost 30 by the way, and as far as I can tell, has never been in a serious relationship''... he wants to get his d*** wet?

Answer 15

Asker

em no, that's not it, but thanks for the GREAT help

Answer 16

DonMichelle

ohhh cmon, sorry if I've offended, a little insensitive on my part... apologies

I'm 21 and as I wrote I've had problems with girls who I like but aren't neccassarily 'my type'

He's nearly 31, is he a drinker, smoker (anxious?)... these things plus age can lead to what I call 'biscuit d***' (imagine a biscuit that's been dipped in a cup of tea for too long... it comes out of your tea VERY SOGGY, sagging... 'biscuit d***') and maintaining, getting an erection is difficult. Has he seen a doctor?

Answer 17

Asker

no he hasn't seen a doctor but it's only happened twice, so I don't think it's time for that yet. he doesn't smoke, he drinks socially. he told me that every other time he's had sex with a girl, he's been drunk. we're going to a party next weekend together and we'll be drinking (probably a lot) so maybe it will happen then if what he has said is true?

Answer 18

DonMichelle

In all honesty I actually struggle to keep an erection when I'm drunk?!?!?!

When you're drunk and having sex your mind tends to wander... your d*** becomes limp?!?!?

He's an exception to this rule? Has he ever considered using viagra? I use it if I've 'an evening' planned, want to be firm for a while ;)

Maybe he should get some? It's NOTHING to be ashamed about, it can happen to anyone

Answer 19

Asker

i guess I will find out at the weekend if he is an exception to the rule!

Answer 20

DonMichelle

Have I been MORE help?

Answer 21

Asker

yeah it's just obviously the whole story is not above - but like on every other level, things are great - I know he's not just in it to get his d*** wet... so you lost me there, but yes, you have been more help, thanks. I need to give it more time and see how things go. thanks again.

Answer 22

DonMichelle

My apologies again ;)

(viagra... viagra... viagra...)

Answer 23

Anonymous

whenever he has an erection let him rub it on you in his pants and you take it out and suck it, for around 5 min and tht should keep him, then you can put it in

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Answer 24

Anonymous

look into this:

psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201003/porn-goes-performance-goes-down

a 30 year old never in a relationship, I would guess he's watched some p*rn in his day. don't judge him for it but find out.

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1 Person

Answer 25

LittleDidYouKnow

Xper 4

He's probably just nervous. Maybe he's worried he won't be able to please you, etc.

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1 Person

Answer 26

udolipixie | 1.9K opinions shared on Sexual Health topic.

Guru

Dump him.

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2 People

He can't keep an erection?

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