Is he in it for sex? ( need help ASAP, date is on Thursday)

[Anonymous]

OK I met this guy online on okcupid. He is an Harvard phd fellow working in the area. He invited me out for drinks and appetizers to meet. WE talk for abut 3 hours until the restaurant closes. He then persists on us going to another place to chat. We walk there and the place is closed , its 10pm on a Sunday night. He then asks me for a second date so we can go out and try some seafood. I agree and we plan to set the date later. We end up going out a week later. Mind you he doesn't call me at all during the week. We eat, talk for about 2 hours or so. Conversation is good, he talks about his research and etc. Asks me about my life etc. At the end of the date, he asks " would you like to head back to my apartment, the place is closing and I know no where else we can hang out". I am a little shocked, I immediately think he is just asking for sex. He says " well I am very attracted to you, and I just wanted to extend the date and there really isn't anywhere open this late for us to hang out". I decline. He asks " so you just want to move slower and says he understands that when I reply yes". When I get home I text him, and bluntly ask " where you trying to sleep with me"...he says he doesn't know what to say to that. Says that makes him think I am not attracted to him. He says " I want it all, and sex is part of it, doesn't everyone want sex included". He says that " its not about only sex, or else I wouldn't be taking you out each night". Then says " well tonight I didn't really feel a spark. I am not sure why, maybe you held back because you have issues with men or something". It just all boils down to whether or not you are attracted to me. YOu should think about this and give me a call later"...WTF does this mean? He didn't say this word for word, I mean he uses advanced vocabulary so I had to simplify it. Is he just dancing around the fact that he just wants me for sex.

[dave216]

I know you females are conditioned virtually from birth to seek husbands, relationships, and to withhold sex to get the guy to do your bidding, but when a female reaches your age do you still believe all that stuff? Do you really imagine that males go around searching for relationship partners?

Males have different thought processes. ON AVERAGE, we like sex with females. Sex is at the core of any interest a guy shows in you. If you do not withhold it too long the guy will go along with your long drawn out boring conversations, take you to all the social places, and generally engage in all manner of behaviors he has no interest in. If the sex is forthcoming in time, and is good, and of sufficient frequency, then he may stick with you long enough to form an attachment for you.

In short, if a guy asks you out, sex is at the root of it, really.

[Asker]

lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

[Asker]

i just read this again, the way you said it is just hillarious

[dave216]

Im Glad you enjoyed it. :)

[Waggaman]

It's hard to answer your question accurately, I would say there are a couple of answers: one of them has to be correct:

1. He doesn't place as much importance on sex as you do, and for him it's a recreational activity that should be enjoyed by consenting adults.

2. He is just after sex.

Either way, I think he feels rejected at this point. If you like him, I woould strongly suggest you let him know ASAP. Tell him you can't wait to sleep with him and that you think about it a lot. If you want to take it slow then tell him, at least he will know you do actually want him. men are just as insecure about that as women.

FYI - I've always looked upon sex as a recreational activity. Whether a woman slept with me early or not makes absolutely no difference to the way I view her.

[Anonymous]

He is a F***ING JERK!

If I were you I'd f***ing kick him in the balls if I ever heard of him again! Honey, he IS in it for sex, it's obvious, this was your second date and sex was on his mind... what do you think will happen if you see each other again?! He's going to make you feel like you have issues when he's the one who's going bonkers thinking he can 'buy you' with apetizers and seafood!

Not good. If I were you, I'd never talk to him again, and I'd cancel the date and never text him back again.

[sinful1620]

Just because a guy wants sex DOESN'T mean he doesn't like you. In fact, it's usually the opposite. When a guy likes a girl, his sexual desire for her skyrockets.

So yeah, he probably wants to bang the crap out of you. However, talking for hours and then wanting that to lead to sex means he also probably really likes you, so his sexual attraction to you means he likes you.

[kooky]

no he isn't he even said that. He said he would like some sex but that is not all. This is why guys are so hesitant to make move. I have never made it past two dates with out getting some, and not that I was pushing for it.

[Red_Arrow]

Sounds to me like you made it clear during the dates that you enjoyed his company, then let him know that you were bothered by the impression that he was trying to have sex with you (since you are not moving there that quickly). He got upset that you did not want sex and applied pressure by saying you must not be attracted to him. Sounds like he is definitely after sex. If you are not in tune with that - split.