Caught boyfriend masturbating beside me in bed to xxxtv?

[Keira215]

Hi new to this! But just wondering. Iv been with my boyfreind for 6months now and we live in our own flat. Everythings great etc and Yesterday we had sex during The day, and I fell asleep in bed cuddled up to my boyfriend about 1am this morning. About an hour later I was only half asleep but he thot I was completely asleep, he moved away from me and do I could tell he was flicking through the xxx channels like babestation. I pretended to sleep but Then he started wanking to it, I left it for 5 min but just got angry about it and woke up saying go to the living room. Then refused to say anything else, he sed sorry and went to sleep. Was wondering shud I of been angry at this? Because I am but I don't know why! Think I feel not as hot as those girls on TV or sumfin. I know he'd be annoyed if I did it. I no everyone masturbates etc I do to p*rn and he does etc just the fact I don't want to see the actual girls that does it for him.. If that makes sence, After writing this out I do feel stupid now! So silly . But I feel sick thinking bout him wanking to those girls... I never woke him this morning so we havnt spoken about it. How shud I deal with it? Or like seriously am I being stupid lol xxxx

[ThoroughFred]

Couple issues at play here. First of all guys do sometimes wake up in the middle of the night with a raging hard on and blood lust for sex. It's crazy sometimes, but it's sometime all guys have to deal with. In that moment, our brains really only have one thought "get off NOW!" and it doesn't lend itself to analyzing the situation to see how best to move forward.

That being said, it could partly be that he didn't want to bother you, or that he didn't think you'd be interested. Perhaps a false assumption, but considering the above I doubt he was able to give it much thought.

As for p*rn, everyone's looking anyway, and really waht is the real threat to you? Lets say that he jerks it to some super gorgeous girl you could never stand up to. Who cares, he will never meet her in real life, she represents a fantasy. Something he finds arousing (which by the way, p*rn girls are the way they are because hundreds of years of smut has enabled them to be very good at their job) and was a "tool" to get the job done.

Most guy are just subconciously looking for something that gives them a strong visual reaction. If you are a blond there's a good chance your guy will p*rn over brunettes. If you are a red head, he'll look for the other. It's normal, and it's our brains way of feeling "manly" in our own minds. Dumb I know, but that's just how it is. They only reason it would ever negatively affect you, is if he stopped wanting sex all together. Until that happens, view it as an alternative for those days you just aren't in the mood.

in fact, why not try watching it with him and finishing him off with oral. That way he gets his fantasy time without feeling like he's under lock and key, but you get to make sure he associates the pleasure part of it with you. most guys absolutely love a chick who can handle that and it will most likely keep him very interested in sex with you in the long run.

[Keira215]

Ok I get what you mean that's fair enuf. Thing is if I'm busy giving him head while he's looking over mine at the girl on tv. Would That just be him associating that girl with the pleasure? He gets fantasy time all day I work 8 till 6 Monday to Friday.. He's part time a couple of hours here and there a week. He can watch all the p*rn he wants then can he not. Lol

[ThoroughFred]

thats a valid concern, but if he's just going to do it without you anyway, consider it a compromise. You are getting your foot into a door that would otherwise be shut anyway. Now if the guy is constantly jerking to p*rn or just flat out ignoring you all the time, than that is a seperate issue all together and supporting it would be wrong approach. User your judgement. A little kinky p*rno time can bring you closer together in moderation.

[Keira215]

Ok I'll try it, but it has to be a compromise to what you watch. A girl waving her bum in the air don't do it for me too. would defo have to a man in it somewhere lol

[TheMNkid24]

I think the proper way to confront this situation was to have asked him why he was doing it, or to ask nicely to do it somewhere else. Getting mad about it is probably only going to get him upset about it. It's important to remember to be rational about things that get you upset in a relationship, not just freak out on everything that ticks you off. If you guys talk about it, then he knows his boundaries and what makes you upset/uncomfortable, and you know yours. Hope this helped.

[Crimson_Petal]

I think that if it was just him masturbating that you had a problem with, yes-it would be a bit (VERY) stupid. But I can see why you might be upset with him using some kind of visual stimuli right there with you asleep in the bed. I mean if nothing else I might be a bit pissed off that he could have woken me up-I need my sleep!

The thing to remember though is that he is with YOU! Men are visual critters but he has chosen to be in a relationship with you for a reason, he's living with you and obviously you're in a sexual relationship, he may just have a higher sex drive than you and thought at that point in time you wouldn't be up for it.

If I were you I would say that in the future there are two options: 1) he go and do his business elsewhere or 2) he tries to get me involved. I think that part of the reason you're upset may be that you feel like 'I'm lying right here and you choose something else over me'?

Other than that, try to relax and don't sweat the small stuff. Just enjoy each other, it makes things run much smoother.

[sxcMel]

It's a difficult one.. We all know masturbation is there with most men and many women, but I think we are happier not really thinking about it. I think the fact the he was doing it in the same room as you indicates that he is comfortable enough in your relationship that he doesn't need to hide it. Perhaps it's a good thing from that perspective.

[Keira215]

Hmmm all good anwers, specially the last one lol thanks that's made me feel better. Only reason o never questioned him at the time was because I was too annoyed at the time and didn't want to fall out about it. So I'll ask nicely tonite. Thankyou x

[Steven21]

I do like to masturbate not only because it geeks good but also because my balls don't get to heavy and get in the way. So sometimes I masturbate for that reason. Balls can be a real pain in the ass.

[Keira215]

And thanks I like that perspective lol I never thot about that.

[rania69]

well...for me even I never had sex b4 but I would be ofended by that...i mean why wank when he have my p*ssy downhere lol...i mean it

however justbe honest to him and tell him what you just said here about being jelous of p*rn girls...and he will understand why you are angry...

good luck

[KERMlT]

Well think of the options. Did you want him to wake you up for sex? Would you be okay with it if he was masturbating to a video of you two having sex? Perhaps he was doing that to help him nod off.

[Keira215]

Tbh if I woke up to him in top me doing his thing would be biggest turn on ever. My point is just I don't want to actualy see or hear or feel the bed shake to him wanking about other girls on the TV :)

[KERMlT]

Tell him that. Have him eat you out first so you get wet otherwise he might tear something inside you. Also bring up the idea of video taping a session so he has something more appropriate to rub one off to than some girls on TV. I'm sure he'd be up for that (pun intended). :)

[Belgie]

I think you're being very stupid about it, but he was also pretty stupid.

He had you right there. If he wanted alternate visual stimuli, he should have at least got out of bed.

Just ignore it. These things happen, and you can be sure he won't make that mistake again.

[webboy]

well there's two ways you can go about this one, you can get angry and yell scream say I don't want you to wank and watch p*rn (he will anyway jut hide it better) or you can turn off the TV and say let me help you with that, you get to pick what you do then. I know which one I would like better.

[Keira215]

Iv have no problemo what so ever with masturbating I just rather not be there wen he's doing it to those girls.. id join in if he hadn't been watchin them first, would feel like he got turned on by them and would properly continue to think about them lol if that makes sence..thanks though :)

[taster]

Is it possible that he was horny and just didn't think that he should wake u?

[Keira215]

I have thot This but he cuda moved rooms, Atho trying his hardest to be quiet the bed still shook lol was just the fact he was watching and doing it with me there. I'd rather not know what girls do it for him, specially wen there extremely hot! Hmm think I'm jelous lol

[taster]

LOL! Well you aren't the first..nor will you be that last...to be jealous of p*rn actresses...u just need to let him know how you feel so he knows where's he at and where you want him to be (or not be)...give him a big kiss!

[Anonymous]

when the mood strikes it strikes and you gotta beat it. Although if I had a girl next to me in bed I don't see the need to turn on p*rn unless they were dead tired.

[Keira215]

Same.. He didn't ask. Don't know why because I always do wen he asks. This is the first time. Plus I usually have the higher sex drive. Also just remembered, I told him b4 my ex did this and my current boyfriend sed it was weird, so why he do it? Lol I'm sure he wudnt be impressed tho if it wer the other way round and I was watching just men waving there willys about lol While slept beside me.