Is it losing your virginity, if you were raped your "first" time?

[Anonymous]

yeah so my girlfriend (she was an ex) but we had to break up cause she was moving, now we are back together since she's gonna move back. when we were "dating" before, she told me her first time was through rape. she knows I wanted to be her first, but obviously this can't happen now. 1. so did she lose her virginity, or not? 2. is there anything I can do about this?

[Anonymous]

It depends on how you look at the situation; me and your girlfriend have the same exp actually; and I still consider myself a virgin, and so does my bf.

1. Biologically because of what happened, I'm not considered one because the hymen has been broken. But spiritually, since I didn't consent to the sex, nor wanted it, I feel that still makes me a virgin because I didn't willingly give my body to the jerk.

So, if she has never had sex after that, everything still functions like a virgin down there; (me and my guy were going to try but I couldn't because it hurt too much) and she mentaly is still a virgin due to her lack of sexual experience.

2. The best thing you can do about it, is simply support her. That is the most horrible and humiliating thing for a woman to go through and she probably still feels humiliated and ashamed about it. Imagine how she feels in wanting to give herself to you but feeling she never can because of what happened?

It's really how you wish to accept the situation whether you consider her a virgin or not because there's no solid answer.

Btw, I'm very sorry for what happened to her.

[Opinion Owner]

And madheals1023 is right; Sex is a very emotional/nerve wracking thing afterward, so you should be as sensitive and supportive as possible.

[Anonymous]

This is kinda a tough question. There will be passionate people on both sides.

I personally am biased, as my first sexual intercourse was against my will. I know that technically, by definition, I was not a virgin anymore... but I considered myself to be a virgin until I voluntarily give myself to someone that I trust. Consent is a big requirement for a lot of people, while others stick to the technical decision (a big factor in this seems to be gender). I had always told myself that the next person I was with, the first person that I consented to, would be the one I considered to be the one I gave my virginity to, as long as they knew my history. This is indeed how I handled it. That man was wonderful, caring, understanding, and just what I needed.

To answer your second question.. what can you do about it? love her. and understand her. and respect her. plus, communicate.. all things will fall into place.

[whatson]

In a purely physical sense she lost her virginity but I think that, for most people, the idea of losing your virginity is more abstract then that. If I were in her shoes I would still feel I could give my virginity to whomever I choose. "Virginity", in my opinion is not something that should be forcefully taken from someone. As she did not consent I would still consider her a virgin.

You could still be her first. Rape is am act of violence while sex is (in my opinion) is an act of love or at least desire and trust. She did not feel desire, trust or love when she was raped. She has never experienced sex, she experienced rape, so you could still be her first sex partner.

[Lupianwolf]

Obviously not everybody's going to agree

But the definition of virgin is: A person who has not experienced sexual intercourse

I would say she's not a virgin but can understand why people would say otherwise

Anything you can do, maybe if she needs to talk to you about it

Don't pressure her for sex but let her bring it up eventually

[Skelwor]

Technically, she lost her virginity. Be her first consensual partner - that's more important.

[madheals1023]

i think the more important thing is to be her first consensual partner

i mean technically she's not a virgin

just be there for her and talk to her about it first

because after a rape, sex can be a very scary and emotional thing

[vmw2008]

What's more important? A guy that took sex from her? Or a guy she gave it to? I say the latter. The first was out of her control and I see no point in punishing someone for life by making them say they lost their virginity during rape. In my opinion, virginity can only be given, it can't be taken. I say she's a virgin.

[peace-love-couture]

1) Technically once the penis has entered the vagina the girl is no longer a virgin, however concerning the circumstances, she can consider herself a virgin

2) Be understanding and supportive?

[saphirasilverwings]

I agree with this!

[elements]

I think it's up to her to decide whether she lost her virginity. Some people view it as a purely physical thing, while other people see it as more of a spiritual thing, meaning they would only consider it their first time if it was a loving, consensual act and not rape.

Medical doctors or purely scientific individuals would probably say she lost her virginity. But I still think it's up to her to decide.

There isn't really anything you can do. After all, you can't change the past, and if she thinks she lost her virginity, I'm not sure there's much you can do to change what she thinks.

[Relax17]

No she is still considered a virgin ha ha even the catholic church says so.

[KarKingJack]

I think being raped counts as loosing your virginity, that's why I never cared about it anyway. Well, it was the original inspiration which led me to cease caring about it.

[KarKingJack]

I don't get why people do that =/

[slipslender]

1. no, she didn't.

2. make her first time everything that it should be and more

[Anonymous]

no, she's still a virgin, the sex wasn't consensual so it doesn't technically count and just try to be understanding of it.

[Anonymous]

Yes it is