Sexual Health
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Seeing an escort for something your girlfriend won't do?

I'm not asking the moral question of whether prostitution is legal, in most countries it in fact is. I want what people's opinion is on seeing an escort for the sole purpose of getting a sexual activity banned by your SO. My girlfriend has explicitly stated she never wants to try anal. I am fine with that and have not pressed her on the issue, I made it clear many times I was interested and asked her opinion on it several times. She's not fine with it and I understand. I have friends who visit escorts a few times every year and one gave me info on one girl who is stunningly gorgeous, off her photos and what my friend has told me. For $500 an hour I can finally try anal. Assume I cannot get any STDs ( there's more chance of that from a one-night stand ) and my girlfriend will never know. Would you do this? How about if your friend did, would you be fine with it? BTW: If my girlfriend got a hot male escort to do something sexual for her that I do not want to do. I would be fine with it.
This is better than having an affair on the side
Vote A
This is the same as having an affair
Vote B
That's disgusting.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I will say this and say it clearly. Tell her you want to try it very much. If she is not willing, pretty much you should ask for her permission to go and pick up an escort. Her reaction is going to be understandable. RAGE. Also one thing I have said to a few gf's I have had: "if you won't do it I can always find someone who will!"

    Not telling her is cheating even if it is a one night stand. Even if she never finds out that will tempt you to do it again. because you know you can get away with it. The vicious cycle may continue till you lose her and she finds out. Possibly devastating her and ending your relationship.

    If she knows your willing to go THAT far to try it she may buck up and let you try it with her once.

    I will give you advice tho. If she does, Go very very very slow and stop when she tells you to. If she ends up liking it(its a possibility) she may even ask you to do it again. when I say slow, she should be completely lubed in any manner possible via lubes or body fluids and it should take you at least 5 -6 full seconds to even get in. If your not careful you could damage her anus, and a broken ass is not something she will ever forget.

    relationships sexually speaking are about mutual exploration, give and take. if she wants to shove a dildo in your ass while you screw her as a trade, do it. No one will ever find out what happens in the bed room and even if she blabs you can always deny anything happened.

    • I was perfectly fine with her sticking a finger up my bum. I actually enjoyed it a bit. She's a hypocrite. But she's great in everything else. And what you said about me saying " If you don't do it I'll find someone else " THAT to me is much worse because it basically tells me I would throw away our relationship for sex. How is THAT better? I don't want to get anal with her by mind games.

    • If you're OKAY with her sticking a finger up your bum (hence "I actually enjoyed it a bit"), she's not a hypocrite. Of course, if she demanded to do it to you when you didn't want her to, and wouldn't let her do it to you in return, that's not hypocritical. But if someone enjoys something and you don't, and the one who enjoys it wants it done to them, the other person is not a hypocrite. That's not how it works.

    • Sorry, the first one should be that IS hypocritical. But if you enjoyed it, the case is not the same on both sides and thus there is no hypocrisy involved.

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  • I would argue that it's not cheating. at most it's not that much worse than watching p*rn/going to a strip club. at the end of the day he is not putting any emotional investment in the deed. if anything it's purely a physical experiment. cheating involves some kind of one on one relationship/deception. the hooker is purely there for business. in the circumstance she is not more than a sex doll (sure outside she's a human being with feelings etc but in the business environment she's there only for the money).

    my analogy is that it's like if you're parents owned a restraunt, and instead of eating there you felt like getting a Big Mac. there's no betrayal. it's more he had an appetite for something the restraunt couldn't serve up. what else you gonna do? it's just a way to gain a new experience.

    • I think I'm going to ask my girlfriend a hypothetical about getting an escort as a couple for us and I f*** the escort in the ass. But your answer was the most understanding. In the end it IS a business, I think too many people men and women take it to mean more.

    • The sex with the escort doesn't mean more it's the act because it's betrayal. By having sex you're betraying the be sexually commitment trust your girlfriend has. If you made your girlfriend aware of this and she approve instead of trying to hide it then it wouldn't mean more.

    • It is cheating because it's secret sexual activity with another person.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • My dear sir, that is so not how being "fine with that" goes. If you were "fine with that", you would not be contemplating cheating to get what your girlfriend won't give you. Cheating is cheating, whether you pay to do it or not, and this is horrifically disrespectful to your her and shows a lack of regard for your relationship.

    You can discuss this with her if you choose. But you can NOT go behind her back. That is not okay under any circumstances.

    • u know...I like you (u could Friend me anytime you wish) but..at what point in time do we tell our females that we have non-mainstream need(s and ask her to help us with that? LOL! Certainly not on first date...probably not after the wedding...not good... but if I am unwilling to go without then the matter has to be resolved at some point..what say u...I have respect for you and your opinons...

    • If it's something that you WILL NOT go without, you need to say something. Not on the first date, but definitely before a marriage happens. Cheating is never okay, and if you have to cheat to be with someone, your relationship isn't healthy or normal. So this would be a good time for him to let her know that he won't go without anal. And she can choose whether she wants to be okay with him seeing an escort, or break up with him and let him find a girlfriend who will do anal.

    • Well then..u should be happy with me..I have ALWAYS asked (my steadies at least) and they have always rewarded me...my experience has been that females are usually much more cooperative then males sometimes give them credit for...I have nothing but positive to say about my females...however many thousands of years ago that might have been...

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  • It's the same as an affair because you're secretly seeing someone for sex.

    The fact you'd be fine with it is null and void because you're not the only one whose feelings should be taken into consideration.

    Tell her of your arrangement and it's no longer cheating.

    Sad that most men are like you.

    But guys like you remind me why it's okay to be a b*tch to males.

    • But it's NOT OK to be a bitch to males... I mean, they're not all dogs! Some are really sweet guys. Why you making them pay for the a holes like this?

    • I don't have this situation...becuz...I already knew that my wife would take care of my needs before I said "I Do". But females continually underestimate how powerful our drives & fetishes r...I probably would not marry a female that was unwilling to handle my needs...

    • Why do nice guys become jerks and make other women pay? It's kind of the same logic. Difference is the ex nice guy is doing it out of bitterness while I'm doing it because more than likely the guy is an a** so it doesn't matter. It's okay to be a b*tch to males because most likely he's a jerk anyway.

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  • I would never do it. It's cheating, regardless of whatever excuse you might come up with to do it. There are plenty of sexual things I want to try that my boyfriend probably won't ever do, and that's fine with me. He's worth it.

    Besides that, anal is NOT the holy grail of sex or anything. Even to guys, it's not that great.

    • um, what kind of things will your boyfriend not try?

    • Queenie...somehow...I think...that the lucky man who marries/goes steady with u...will never have the need of a 3rd Party...

    • He's against the idea of rough, animal sex. :P Or mild pain, bondage, most kinky things. He may get more experimental as time goes by, but it's okay if he doesn't.

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  • Never. I'd consider this cheating. If anal sex is more important than your entire relationship, then it might be time to break up. If you have needs, go find someone who can fill them.

    • Exactly. If you do this, you are choosing anal sex over your girlfriend. So I guess so much for all that "I choose my girlfriends for their personalities" nonsense you are spouting down there. Anal sex trumps all, apparently.

    • Yes ...but I have more than a little respect for u...I don't for one minute think that most males would feel the need to go around u...not all females are that way...and some would even say that that was OK just so long as they did not have to do that.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 12

  • Cheating is easy to define.

    If you tell your Girlfriend what you are going to do, and she approves, it isn't cheating.

    If you don't have prior approval from your GF, you are cheating.

    Simple.

    Since you clearly aren't going to talk to her and get her approval first, the right thing to do is to break up with her. Then, you're single and you can do whatever you want to do.

    Relationships are about sacrifice and putting your partner's needs above your own, and accepting their limitations. If you can't or won't do that, you have no business being in a relationship.

  • I think cheating is still cheating, even if it's just an escort. If you were my boyfriend and I found out about it, you'd be done. I don't care what the reason is...nor do I care that you'd be fine if I did the same thing. I still wouldn't tolerate it.

    • I am OK with your view...but...I have a couple of needs...it is not a problem...my females have always taken care of me and I have never paid for sex..nor have I cheated on my wife even once during 16 years of marriage...what if she would not take care of my needs?

    • toosexualcat is not concerned about anybody's needs but her own. lol

    • That's probably true Shaun. I would just rather the guy be upfront and say, sorry, I need anal sex, so I'm leaving you. Why couldn't he just be direct? Sneaking around? Totally not sexy! And taster, I don't know why you'd throw out 16 years of marriage over a need that isn't related to survival...it's not like she's denying you food. It's just sex. I know you guys DIE for sex but be serious, it's not THAT important in the whole scheme of life or partnerships. Does love not matter?

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  • It's the same as having an affair and she deserves better than that! If she agreed for you to go for escort then that's fine, but don't pretend it's OK because your paying for it, in fact I think paying is worse.

    • so...what do you think if she is OK with it?

    • If you never find out, you never find out. And think of my situation, would you rather have your boyfriend always pushing you to have anal? He goes sees an escort and stops. I've heard anal isn't THAT great but it's something I just want to try and my girlfriend is a great person and I wouldn't leave her just for that but I still want to try it.

    • you realize guys are ALWAYS paying for it right? :P we're always the ones paying for dinner and whatnot so ya, you're all prostitutes! :D (joking).

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  • totally cheating, why else would you need to hide it from her.

    If you have honest to god turned this around on yourself, and would be fine with it, than somethings up with your relationship. But seriosuly good luck with anal, it might be worth it. just don't try and justify it as better that cheating somehow

  • Many times you have referenced that it is okay as long as she does not find out. One time you said specifically, "If you never find out, you never find out." A relationship should be based on trust (among other things). If your idea of living up to that is anything is okay as long as she does not find out, you are not coming anywhere close to living up to her trust expectations. For that alone, she would be better off without you.

    Also, there is the chance that while she believes the two of you are exclusive, you may bring an STD back to her.

    It all comes back to trust and honesty, not what she will or will not do for you. And you have made it clear what you feel about trust and honesty.

  • disgusting, cheating, and sorta affair-ish.

  • I wouldn't. I couldn't even if I wanted to anyway. I don't really have a lot of sexual desires though, so if there IS something my girlfriend wouldn't be willing to try out, it would most likely not be a high priority for me anyway.

  • 500 bucks? man its anal. its not a f***ing golden cavity that's lined with some sort of skin that's gonna make you come like a damn elephant like 9 times and give you 23 orgasms. deff not worth it. maybe 500 bucks for a day. but for an hour? you might as well light your money on fire and watch it burn.

    • $250 an hour is a standard rate. The good looking girls charge more and of course anal is an extra. This girl charges $400 an hour and an extra $100 for anal. Considering I don't want to leave my girlfriend but want to try it, I don't see the problem. I can afford it and I've wasted hundreds on more useless crap.

    • it is his money to burn...can't be much worse than drugs, eh?

    • The problem is CHEATING. If you can't see that problem, maybe you shouldn't HAVE a girlfriend. Just save up for a few more nights with that hooker of yours, and call it a day.

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  • Just find a girl who likes anal, and make her your girlfriend. They are out there.

    • I date my girlfriend for her personality, I'd never date a woman for what she does in bed. Hence what hookers are for.

    • Hookers are generally considered to be for single men. And NOT for men whose significant others have no clue what they're doing. If anal sex is so important to you, it's more respectful to be open about that need than to pretend to care more about their personality and then cheat. That's a pathetic excuse. You can't have your cake and eat it too, unless perhaps you advertise that you want to.

    • Then I agree with what saphirasilverwings said. You tell your girlfriend that you want to try anal and if she really won't do it, you'll pay someone to do it. Don't be a sneak, be a man.

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  • your girlfriend deserves better

    • I doubt that, I'm universally regarded as a great boyfriend. I never forget important dates or schedules, I make her romantic gestures and small surprises to make her happy. We take nice trips almost every month and we never have fights. She doesn't want to try anal and I am considerate enough not to whine and try to force her into it.

    • if she's OK with it, then all is well and good. but if your doing it despite her feelings... she deserves better

    • Just cause entertainment TV jokes about guys forgetting about important dates or schedules doesn't mean that's the norm. If you're gonna cheat at all or even consider it for any reason, you're a bad boyfriend and that person does deserve better.

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  • I would think a lot of guys do this

  • 500$ for anal...don't you think that is expensive..u can get it for cheap

    anyways I see there is nothing wrong in seeing a escort for anal if your girlfriend doesn't allow(just don't tell her) & + you ain't ahypocrite like other men and you would allow her to do what she want...thats nice...

    • BTW to all haters out their and girls who have an objection to my opinion...most guys out their do things like these and visit escorts and cheat...its just that you don't come to know bout it...this guy is at least honest about it

  • Isn't that selfish on you girlfriend behalf for her not to want to do it AND! for you not to get it somewhere else TEMPORARY. (wow girls now-a-days)

    • It is selfish to tell your lover that they never get to try that. Absolutely.

    • agreed

    • hey QA.. you should "get into an arguement" break up for like a day than get the escort therefore you did not cheat because you were single.. everyone wins :)

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  • She must be okay with it, or she'd do it herself.

    • That's not how relationships work.

    • I've been in relationships for as long as you've been alive. I know how they work.

    • Okay, let me rephrase. That's not how relationships work when you are in a relationship with someone you respect and care about. People don't naturally assume that just because someone would like to try something, they will cheat on you if you don't try it with them. That requires some communication.

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