Holding hands after sex?

[Anonymous]

Ive never had this before. A guy I am dating (we are not official) will spoon me and kiss my cheek and top of my head etc after sex. Than he will tell me my place is with my head on his shoulder chest and leg intertwined with his and he will hold my hand (all his moves) to sleep. Even when he is burning up and I try to detangle myself (we are dressed at this point) he pulls me back. what's it mean if anything if he does these things, I've never had anyone be this intimate not even a man I dated for years. He also stares in my eyes a lot during sex and will kiss my forehead and push back my hair etc right after and even in the middle of sex... just not sure if this has a meaning or not

[TheSilentArchivist]

It means he cares for you beyond your body. He is seeing past a body and to a person. He doesn't just see you as an inanimate sex object, he sees a beautiful woman and pours his affection into that. He's not just in this for sex, he is in it for being with you, you the person. He loves being with you more than having sex with you. He genuinely wants to show you affection, not the kind that comes from a guy trolling for sex, but the kind that stems from heartfelt love. He does those little things because you mean something beyond a piece of meat, you're a person. He's in love with you silly, if your previous partners didn't do this, they clearly didn't know how to express affection well (sorry if that is presumptive). Bottom line, he does those things to show that he cares about you the person, he brushes the hair aside to see you, he spoons and cuddles to be near you, and he pulls you close to be with you. It most definitely means something! He loves you :)

[Asker]

But he doesn't want to be an official couple, but he acts like this even in public very showy it just seems all counter to his words. He said give him time to get sh*t straight before we make a decision in that direction, yet sex is like this, when I go out with him its like that and we communicate daily. Maybe just keep going and see where it goes?

[katherinechick1225]

I am so glad u said this. Cuz I am seeing someone that gives really mixed signals as to how he feel about me. He goes from being mushy one day to I go to work and he assumes i am screwing people behind the dumpster or giving hand jobs in a car when i was getting a ride home from my co. workers. ask for timesheets cu he didn't believe i worked late in season as a dishwasher i work late. I can't leave until all dishes were washed and having buffeta and reservations for 300-400 people on top of having banquets kept me away from home. I went to the point of isolating myself so he wouldn't think o was screwing around and he still thought i was. So we broke up he did his thing and then i did my thing. And well we never stopped seeing each other. It got to the point before we broke up he didn't show any affection to me not even as far as holding my hand. And then a few nights ago he held my hand close to his heart for the first time in 6 months. So I was confused as to what that meant. Lol..

[TheSilentArchivist]

It could be he is making sure he communicates his affection since he doesn't get to see you that often. I would also wager that he may be hesitant to committing to a relationship because he is a very fragile person. He shows his love easily, but he is also afraid his heart might be broken. It could be he showed this kind of love in the past and has been shot down, or that he has never had the chance to be this loving and doesn't want to ruin it. It is definitely worth reading in to either way, I would take it as him giving you his heart as wholly as he can, but he is also scared that once he hands you the most fragile part of himself it may be broken. This is an understandable feeling all men and women feel, so try being just as affectionate back, and then he should be able to feel more like committing. Its certainly worth a shot at least.

[darlanoy0510]

Well he sounds like a caring guy and he seem to likes you a lot. I don't think is a good idea for you to wait for him because he is a damaged good and you don't know when he is going to recover from the past. I've been cheated on before and lets me tell I don't think I'm fully recover it yet. It destroyed my confident and my trust for guy. I lost someone that I care a lot for because I'm scare that he is going to do the same things to me. I get very paranoia if he doesn't answer my texts or calls. I rejected him because I can't distinguish him from my cheating ex. We had a great sex life and good time when we hung out.

[Kazmi]

Seems obvious to me actually.

He is obviously focused on you and your beauty more than the act...

Sounds like love to me.

People are extremely complicated

Only because he isn't ready to commit doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings..

There are many factors involved when getting into relationship, if a person had some trauma he might not want to commit soon...

Seems like he is scared.

Men are like that :)

[Quadrophonic84]

Yeah, it means he really likes you and feels especially close to you. I generally act that way with girls that I care about on a deeply personal level, not just mere attraction.

[Asker]

Even if you wernt official couple? That's what's throwing me... because I was in a four year relationship and maybe once felt half as connected and not as cared for in an intimate way...

[Quadrophonic84]

Sure. He may really want you two to be together but doesn't think he'll be consistently emotionally available. A good guy takes his emotional obligations to his loved ones very seriously.

[sugarwookie]

sounds like he really cares about you and respects you.

[Pully]

Seems like a really good guy. If there is a problem, I certainly do not see it.

[Asker]

Problem is he doesn't want to be in an official relationship right now, so we are doing the casual dating and see each other. Because he said right now his schedule and life is complicated... yet this seems to me to be more than casual sex and highly intimate so not sure if his actions are countering his words? Because he acts this way in public too, have to be touching me and yelled at a guy for hitting on me

[Pully]

Well it seems like he truly doesn't have time to commit, but he does love you extremely. At this point, the decision is yours. You can go look for other guys who will commit more, but might be less intimate or you can stay with this guy and have yourself a casual f*** buddy with a deep passionate side. Do whichever makes you more comfortable. And who knows, maybe later on he will have more free time.

[Asker]

He does things for me when I need them even though I live multiple hours away too, so maybe it is just the scheduling and money... I've had a f***buddy before but it was never like this and I don't get the jealousy and touchy feeliness when were shopping etc. I guess it could be worse

[Asker]

Thank you by the way.

[Pully]

I don't understand this guys problem for being in a relationship. If he's committing that much to you already, he might as well just date you. By the way, np, anytime.

[taster]

When you say "commit" you are speaking of bf/gf? Or you thinking more of marriage? You are speaking with an older guy now...do you know if he has been hurt by a female in the past? A guy like this sometimes cannot be pushed...and nagging is never good...but he doesn't have a right to keep you on a string either...is there any communication between you of any kind of relationship? Does he mind the idea of you dating other men?

[Asker]

I mean committ nothing exclusive, but he says he's not dating anyone else, but he and I are both on online dating sites. As for other men on my part he doesn't bring it up but got defensive once when a guy started talking to me. However, right now he said he doesn't want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship till other things in life get straight. We have talked about it the problem is he says that and does things like this so not sure how to take it

[taster]

I don't blame you for not knowing how to take it...If he is getting defensive than his subconscience, at least, is saying that you are is woman...but his conscious mind is kicking & screaming and is in denial. I think you have a right to know what these "other things" are that he needs to get straight and why it is that you can not help him with those. If he keeps stonewalling he is going to lose you and he will be reaping his just reward..u two are not children anymore...cannot keep you on a string.

[Asker]

The other things are work and money and I am pretty sure the fact that he was in a bad prior relationship has some impact. He just keeps saying he needs to get money and work situated...

[MalibuBeach]

wow, you shouldn't loose that guy. He is very special...

[Jello_hi]

That means hw really care about you and that he savors every moment with you!

[Paullus]

yup, but he may want to keep his freedom, that doesn't mean he will go out there and sleep around, he may just want you but at the same time keep his life as it is, its kind of hard to explain...