Am I having sex too soon?

[Anonymous]

I have always gone by the rule as a man its my job to escalate the situation, and its the girls job to decide how far we should go. but I've pretty much had sex with almost all the girls I've taken out on the first or second date. This has served me well in the past, maybe one or two girls regretted giving it up too soon and expressed it to me that they were disappointed in themselves cause they realized I'm a 'player'. I'm not really a player tho, I always try to leave the girl better off than when I met them. 'players' usually don't care about anyone but themselves, I'm a genuinely good guy. I'm getting older now tho, 25, and as my life gets busier I think it might be time to get more serious with a girl... but I think having sex so soon is making the transition to girlfriend harder. they hold back because they think I'm using them for sex (I'm not). should I hold back and take it slower? how long should I wait to get to 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th base etc..?

[rachiee]

Yes you should hold back and wait. Just because she's okay with it doesn't mean you should push it and do it. A lot of guys think that its good to give in and having sex quickly if they can but that's the worst idea. You aren't allowing enough time for emotions to develop so when you seal the deal too soon you loose interest in her which may lead to you missing out on the perfect girl for you because you didn't have self control. Take her out, walk her to her door, kiss her goodnight and leave it as that. I think its never good to jump into anything sexually other than kissing/making out til there is a commitment on the table. If you aren't ready for a commitment then look for hook ups instead of dating girls because chances are you'll just fall back into your routine and won't find what you're looking for.

[Anonymous]

If you're both having consensual sex with each other, regardless of how early, what you can do is show your intentions after sex of wanting more. Excuse my poor phrasing... Prove to her that you want more than just sex after the fact and she'll understand, because naturally girls have bonding chemicals released after and we want more from our partner (not always but in many cases). So just be a gentleman, ask her out on a date and yeah! But take things at the pace that feels right for both of you

[udolipixie]

You are a player.

Players aren't all bad guys they just don't get serious about girls.

You should let her escalate & decide.

[kgrrl2323]

what does your last sentence mean?

[udolipixie]

Let her escalate the situation & decide how far to go.

[Asker]

most girls are too shy to escalate, insecure theyll appear like their sluts.

[udolipixie]

Try not projecting the impression you're judgmental then

[pineappleshortcare]

I know good guys at heart who also play girls. It kind of becomes a habit, even though they don't mean to do what they do. So, pay more attention to what you're doing -- when you feel yourself slipping down the automatic route, force yourself to think. "Do I like this girl?", "Would I be using her if I pretend to like her?", "Would I feel better about starting a relationship if we got to know each other better?" Etc.

[Asker]

really all I'm thinking is how bad I want to bang her. I don't think girls realize how hard it is to concentrate when a guy is horny. ill try next time but I don't think ill be able to control myself.

[Shaun]

How have you left the girls 'better off' than when you met them?

[arifshahzad82]

what type of sex you had with the girls

[Asker]

the type where my penis goes in heir vagina