Cannot keep erection when I try to penetrate.

[Anonymous]

So I have been with this girl who I really am in love with for about 2 months now. I am 19 and a virgin, she's had 2 partners. We finally tried to have sex today (after over a month and half of making out and dry humping and a week of fingering). I was able to penetrate for about 5 seconds but soon when soft. I kept trying to get it back up but failed. We layed there and talked about it while I was fingering her/cuddling but I was so embarrassed and I told her this. She kept thinking it was her fault and I reassured her numerous times that it wasnt, told her how much I loved her, how much I wanted to have sex, and how beautiful and attractive I think she is. We went down for a walk on the beach and came back about an hour later. I began to get an erection again (maybe 85% or so) and so I wanted to try again. Again, right at the moment I went to penetrate I went soft. I told her that I was having a bit of performance anxiety and it was all in my head. She reassured me that whenever things happen they happen. Still, I felt like such a pussy, barely a man.I can't even have sex. So again we just laid there holding each other and talking for another hour or so. I didn't feel nervous but I guess I was. I also have a lot of stress in my life so this could have something to do with it. She means more to be than I could ever tell her and she knows this and feels the same. I have not once got off by her, she's too afraid she's gunna hurt me when she tries to give me a HJ or BJ. I've never wanted anything more in my life and yet my other half won't cooperate. What should I do about this.I didn't have a condom on at the time (although I had one and was going to put it on after I got a better erection). What should I do about this? Stop masturbating? I feel horrible because she thinks its her fault no matter how much I tell her its not. I should mention that I have no problem at all with erections otherwise and often get very strong erections. So its nothing physical-all in my head. I think the problem might stem from the fact that I have the utmost respect for her and don't want her to think I'm using her at all. What sucks is that she finally got over her problem of appearing like a slut in front of me (shes didn't and absolutely isn't but she was worried what I thought)

[ilovelegs]

That was an excellent question to ask on here and I hope you get some good responses. I don't think masturbating has anything to do with that unless you're doing that too much, but at least don't do it the day before you think you might want to try having sex again. Having sex is one thing you never want to program into your relationship like ok we've done this and that so now it should be time for this or using a time frame of how long you've been together, etc. You sound like you have an outstanding relationship that most couples would love to have but have let having sex play too big a part in it to the point that it's ruined it. Nothing is anyone's fault. hers or yours. You guys have a beautiful relationship so treasure it. Start NEVER planning to have sex. Never set a date, time or circumstance. Start doing the things you both enjoy most and the things that you can do that brings her (or each other) the most pleasure and the things that seem to turn you on the most at the same time. Just get this idea that you have to have sex or stay hard out of your mind when you're doing all these fun things with her. Don't ever be concerned that she's has more experience than you have so you must be kinda lame. Please reassure her in the most loving way possible that she won't hurt you no matter what she does when giving you a hj or bj. Have her start doing something slowly and keep reassuring her how good it feels and keep guiding her gently with your hands and sweet words. When you notice by whatever is happening that you're getting tremendously turned on some day soon, have her put a condom on but continue what you've been doing until you're in a position to just put the tip in and take it out teasing both of you and keep it up and the other things you've been doing at the same time. If you lose it no worries but keep up the other fun you've been doing. Let the love you have for each other take over and you'll be surprised very soon that you won't lose it because you'll be thinking of the things that's been turning you on instead of the actual sex act. That's what you need to do. Take your mind completely off the "now I need to stay hard or else!" and act like that's not even important. Once you can do that you should have no more problems staying erect. So remember now, start concentrating on your relationship and not on having sex. The sex part will take care of itself.

[Anonymous]

maybe you are gay and don't know it? if you know you aren't gay maybe you are over thinking things. sometimes I think about how I'm doing and if I'm doing a "good job" and it goes semi hard. just have sex and tell them this once that you are doing it for yourself to see if you can be hard like you normally do.

[Anonymous]

Ask her to very gently caress your penis and keep doing it until you're in. It will work wonders for you.

[chris-in-London]

I wouldn't worry about this too much. But the problem your going to have is that each time you try and sleep with her you'll be wondering if its gonna keep up or not, and that frame of mind will prob cause a problem.

Yeah stop masturbating! Make sure you havnt for at least three days before.

Now I know this will sound crazy but trust me . buy some Viagra. Its available from lots of online pharmacies and it will definitely help. You don't need to tell her. After you've had sex a few times using Viagra. stop. and then I bet everything will be fine.

I've been in the same boat and a friend recommended I gave that a go. It worked.

Good luck and don't stress about what's happening. I promise you its definitely only a temporary glitch!

All the best