Do you think sex changes the dynamic of a relationship? Thoughts of sex before marriage?

[Anonymous]

Some people think that having sex (in fact, some think that maybe even doing more than making out and using hands) changes the dynamic of a relationship and that once sex is introduced into the relationship it becomes less special and more focused on the sex. On the other hand, if you waited a long time it may be different, but the relationship can still change after you start having sex even if you waited a year or more. Some people also think that having sex creates less of a chance of permanency in your relationship, especially if you live together. On the other hand, if people don't have sex and are waiting until marriage you can also worry that they may jump into marriage for the wrong reasons, because they are horny and strong with emotion and can't wait to get it on. This is especially likely when they are younger and may not really be good marriage partners in the long run. I do think that if you truly have a great relationship, a lot in common, and etc, that "you just know it's it" thing, you have good chemistry and you will be able to have great sex even if you waited to get married first. My ex boyfriend and I didn't get physical for a while and I know that before we were our relationship felt closer and more special, because I knew he really wanted to be in my company and wasn't just trying to get some. On the other hand, eventually we did and we did break up (but not for that reason, it was that after the newness wore off I realized we were very wrong for each other and I wasn't happy with him) What do you think of everything above? Waiting to have sex? Does sex change the relationship? Moving in together? Etc.

[Leeggg]

I've never heard anyone say that sex makes the relationship LESS special.. It creates a more intimate bond. Whether the two people have a good chemistry and get along together or not is completely unrelated to how long they wait for sex.

You haven't come anywhere close to experiencing the entire relationship until you've been having sex for a while. Before you've had sex both partners will probably be more infatuated with each other because there's that desire that hasn't been addressed, and they'll probably treat each other better or more lovingly to ensure the relationship goes on so that it leads to sex one day.

After sex though, whether you wait until marriage or not, you become completely comfortable with your partner and you can truly know everything about each other, you can know more about a person than any best friend might know. You also don't put the extra effort into the relationship and have as much desire, because you've done everything possible in the relationship and everything becomes more relaxed. It's at that stage that you find out if you're right for each other, personality-wise. People who wait til marriage don't completely know each other until AFTER they're married, which is just a stupid and irresponsible thing to do.

I'll use myself as an example. For my teen years up until I was about 17 I always thought of myself as a loving caring person. I treated girls with so much respect, as though they were angels. When I was 17 I suddenly got hot and had girls left right and centre, never even had to approach a girl. I got in a relationship and after a couple of months had sex. While sex was still new I was still treating her perfectly as though she were quite literally a princess. However, after a couple of months of sex we got completely comfortable around each other and its then that you can spot flaws in a person (everyone has them). Few years later and I don't see women as anything special, they're just other humans, and I'll never treat a woman how I thought I would when I was 16. I changed a lot after I realized that amazing, beautiful phenomenon called sex ended up being just sex.. Before you've had sex you're fooled into thinking that your partner is some holy being that you should feel honoured to be around. After sex, you're two humans co-existing.. And that can trigger some harsh changes in people (my case is probably among the most extreme cases).

tl;dr:

Point being, doesn't matter what stage in your relationship you have sex, as long as you don't start a relationship BECAUSE you had sex. Yes, sex changes the dynamic of the relationship. And yes, it's f***ing moronic to wait til marriage.

[Leeggg]

can't believe I wrote so much for a question :S I must be bored lmao

[tc1125]

depends what your views on sex before marriage are really. I don't think it changes anything, if anything it brings you closer together. It plays a role in a relationship (at least for me it does). that's not to say that sex is all a relationship is about, it's not at all. If it were then why have a relationship in the beginning?

Sex should not change the dynamic of a relationship...it just shows whether you are both sexually compatible and then perhaps if you really weren't then that in turn could lead to problems.

anyway I really don't see how it should change anything apart from bringing you closer together. That's not to see that you should just jump into bed with someone really early in a relationship. You should do it when it's right for both of you.

[fitandflirt]

EXTREMELY AGREE with you about people jumping into a marriage for the wrong reasons. that's why even churches are changing their stance on sex before marriage.

i think that sex is irrelevant to the relationship. if it's a good relationship, sex won't change it much, it'll just enhance that. if the relationship isn't working out, sex could be a band-aid or a catalyst.

[l-hedoniste]

Sex clarifies the dynamics of a relationship. If a person is selfish, insecure, or a poor communicator, sex reveals it quickly and strongly.

Sometimes this undermines relationships--some people are happily selfish, with no plans to change--but nothing's really affected; that's just a ruined relationship showing its flaws.