How do I tell him that I'm pregnant and can't keep it?

Question

I just found out I'm pregnant, and I know the father is going to want me to keep it. I'm terrified to tell him because I like him so much but I know we do not see eye to eye on this. Anyone ever been in this situation? how did it go?

Updates:

+1 y

Thank you everyone for your advice. It was very helpful. I did end up telling him, and thank god he took it so much better than I thought and he has decided to be supportive of my choice.

Answer 1

kgrrl2323

Xper 6

i was in this situation. I was with this guy for a year and when I was 17, I found out that I was pregnant. I knew he would want to keep it but I knew that I couldn't go through with it. I didn't want to get pregnant at this time and I was on birth control to prevent it. so when I found out, I told my mom and my boyfriend that I wanted to get an abortion because I didn't want to go through with having a baby if I couldn't support or provide for it. when I told him, he went crazy on me and he said he wouldn't help me with the money because he didn't want to pay to kill his child. but he did go with me and my mom to get it done. he sobbed like a baby and our relationship went up and down. he wanted me to get pregnant again but I kept telling him no because I wasn't ready and I never wanted to go through with what I had to do before. so he would sneak around and put hole in the condom and hide my birth control pills, you name it. it really did distance us because of our views on the situation. after a year of trying to work things out, we ended our relationship because he was putting me down too much, probably from the bitterness he had towards me but now that he's my ex, I'm sure he's glad that I got that abortion.

you never know how someone is going to truly act til you go through it. he might think that he can deal with having a baby because he's actually a responsible guy and does what he has to for what he helps create. or he could understand why you don't want to go through with the pregnancy and be there for you. this is truly your decision because you are the one that has all the changes in your life when a baby is born. guys come and go, and if they do go, YOU are the one stuck with what THEY said that they wanted. best of luck and I hope this helps.

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2 People

Asker

+1 y
Thank you so much for your comment. that did help a lot. I'm really sorry that situation happened to you, sounds awful. I hope everything is okay for you now. I have a feeling that the same kind of thing is going to happen, but you are right, its my life and what I am going to have to live with.
kgrrl2323

+1 y
it was awful but it made me who I am today and I've moved on from all that's happened. I now have a family when I wanted to with a guy that's good to me. if you need anyone to talk to after, I'm here for you.

Answer 2

Asker

Thank you so much for your comment. that did help a lot. I'm really sorry that situation happened to you, sounds awful. I hope everything is okay for you now. I have a feeling that the same kind of thing is going to happen, but you are right, its my life and what I am going to have to live with.

Answer 3

kgrrl2323

it was awful but it made me who I am today and I've moved on from all that's happened. I now have a family when I wanted to with a guy that's good to me. if you need anyone to talk to after, I'm here for you.

Answer 4

Anonymous

I've been in the exact same situation. He was very religious and would have not agreed with the abortion.

I say, if you are set on this don't tell him. Tell a good girl-friend and she will help you out through it. If you don't have someone to talk to, contact planed parenthood and they will give you some support.

Now the tricky thing... if you will keep seeing this guy, you have to come up with some story to excuse for the fact that you will be bleeding (like a period) for a long while and not be able to have sex for a few weeks after. I told my ex I had a miscarriage, and I didn't even know I was pregnant until that happened...

You can just take a long trip or something instead.

Good luck.

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3 People

Asker

+1 y
yeah. I do want to keep seeing him, the hard part is that I'm gonna be super emotional around him because this is an extremley hard decision, and he is gonna have no idea why I'm such a wreck. but yeah it is the religious thing with him as well, so I'm not sure what to do .

Answer 5

Asker

yeah. I do want to keep seeing him, the hard part is that I'm gonna be super emotional around him because this is an extremley hard decision, and he is gonna have no idea why I'm such a wreck. but yeah it is the religious thing with him as well, so I'm not sure what to do .

Answer 6

Anonymous

If you are talking about abortion I don't see why you need to tell him it is your body and if it is going to cause you a lot of stress in this already difficult situation then avoid it. If you are talking about adoption then tell him you will sign over all parental rights if that is what he wants.

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1 Person

Answer 7

Leeggg | 266 opinions shared on Sexual Health topic.

Xper 5

It's your decision in the end. Abort it. Tell him though, unless you can get away with him not finding out. What he doesn't know can't hurt him.

My mate was in the same situation, but he wanted her to abort and she wouldn't. But again, any guy will know it's the girls decision and she had the power to f*** up his life. Thankfully she had a miscarriage though. I've never seen someone so happy about a dead baby lmao.

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Answer 8

taster

Xper 3

I obviously don't speak for all guys and am probably nothing even close to bf/father. I could probably be persuaded on Plan B or Plan C...But..if I ever caught my lover lying or sneaking around behind my back...I would call her every name in the book plus some and she would never see me again..and that is the best case scenario...

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Asker

+1 y
thank you for this. and I agree, better I tell him than he finding out some other way.
taster

+1 y
My respect for you just tripled...

Answer 9

Asker

thank you for this. and I agree, better I tell him than he finding out some other way.

Answer 10

taster

My respect for you just tripled...

Answer 11

taster

Xper 3

There is one thing that I am not sure that I can forgive you for tho..u made me cry! lol

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Answer 12

taster

Xper 3

I am so relieved and happy for u...I wish you only the best...u have a Friend here...

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Asker

+1 y
thanks, very nice to hear :)
taster

+1 y
=D I don't know how I could help..but if there is anything...have only to ask...

Answer 13

Asker

thanks, very nice to hear :)

Answer 14

taster

=D I don't know how I could help..but if there is anything...have only to ask...

Answer 15

Ragnarok21 | 217 opinions shared on Sexual Health topic.

Xper 6

If your gonna abort it don't tell the dad, it would destroy him :(

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2 People

Asker

+1 y
I guess I am afraid that he would find out some how after the fact, and that would be even worse. I feel like I need to tell him, to be open and honest, but I know you're right as well, I know he would take it very hard. thanks for your advice.
Shaun

+1 y
It's kinda hard to hide, you ever see a woman for a few days/weeks after an abortion?
Asker

+1 y
exactly. I've been an emotional wreck, and am gonna continue to be one after the fact, so he's gonna know something is up.
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Ragnarok21

+1 y
adoption is another alternative :/
Asker

+1 y
adoption would be even harder for both of us. I know he would want to keep it, and having to not have it is already tearing me apart, can't imagine having it and then having to give it away.

Answer 16

Asker

I guess I am afraid that he would find out some how after the fact, and that would be even worse. I feel like I need to tell him, to be open and honest, but I know you're right as well, I know he would take it very hard. thanks for your advice.

Answer 17

Shaun

It's kinda hard to hide, you ever see a woman for a few days/weeks after an abortion?

Answer 18

Asker

exactly. I've been an emotional wreck, and am gonna continue to be one after the fact, so he's gonna know something is up.

Answer 19

Ragnarok21

adoption is another alternative :/

Answer 20

Asker

adoption would be even harder for both of us. I know he would want to keep it, and having to not have it is already tearing me apart, can't imagine having it and then having to give it away.

Answer 21

TyroneJayJackson | 118 opinions shared on Sexual Health topic.

Xper 6

My niece got pregnant and she got two choices offered to her, Abortion, And Adoption. I say you should put it up for adoption.

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5 People

Musclecarman

+1 y
Why did you get thumbed down?
Shaun

+1 y
Probably for the two choices offered her comment. She has three choices, all women do.
TyroneJayJackson

+1 y
I honestly have no idea, I thought my answer was good.
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TyroneJayJackson

+1 y
I know Shaun just said that she has the three choices and I believe that the third choice would be to keep it, But she did say in the question that she couldn't keep it, And she stated the reason why she couldn't (Neither she or the father are in the right place) on another answer.
Leeggg

+1 y
I thumbs downed it because there's a massive f***ing difference about not wanting to have it and putting it up for adoption. Not having it is not squeezing a massive object out of your vagina and shredding it in the process. Putting it up for adoption is squeezing a massive object out of your vagina and shredding it in the process, AND THEN giving it away. Surely that's not difficult to understand.
TyroneJayJackson

+1 y
I didn't state anywhere that she didn't want to have it.

Answer 22

Musclecarman

Why did you get thumbed down?

Answer 23

Shaun

Probably for the two choices offered her comment. She has three choices, all women do.

Answer 24

TyroneJayJackson

I honestly have no idea, I thought my answer was good.

Answer 25

TyroneJayJackson

I know Shaun just said that she has the three choices and I believe that the third choice would be to keep it, But she did say in the question that she couldn't keep it, And she stated the reason why she couldn't (Neither she or the father are in the right place) on another answer.

Answer 26

Leeggg

I thumbs downed it because there's a massive f***ing difference about not wanting to have it and putting it up for adoption. Not having it is not squeezing a massive object out of your vagina and shredding it in the process. Putting it up for adoption is squeezing a massive object out of your vagina and shredding it in the process, AND THEN giving it away. Surely that's not difficult to understand.

Answer 27

TyroneJayJackson

I didn't state anywhere that she didn't want to have it.

Answer 28

dIO_oIb

Xper 5

Why don't you have it and let him keep custody?

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2 People

Asker

+1 y
because he, just like myself, is in no situation to be able to raise a kid right now. He has no money and doesn't really have his own sh*t together. I want my baby to be brought up and raised in a stable situation, and that is not the case for either of us right now.
dIO_oIb

+1 y
ahh I see, I don't think there's any possible way to tell him lightly. You can try explaining to him how and why you've come to this conclusion. I think he, as the father, has a right to know. Just my opinion tho.
Asker

+1 y
yeah I definitely agree. thanks for the advice.
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dIO_oIb

+1 y
yep

Answer 29

Asker

because he, just like myself, is in no situation to be able to raise a kid right now. He has no money and doesn't really have his own sh*t together. I want my baby to be brought up and raised in a stable situation, and that is not the case for either of us right now.

Answer 30

dIO_oIb

ahh I see, I don't think there's any possible way to tell him lightly. You can try explaining to him how and why you've come to this conclusion. I think he, as the father, has a right to know. Just my opinion tho.

Answer 31

Asker

yeah I definitely agree. thanks for the advice.

Answer 32

dIO_oIb

yep

Answer 33

Shaun

Xper 3

Tell him he can have it.

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2 People

taster

+1 y
Seems like she could put it up for adoption and then let the father apply to the State..BUT she wants to keep the boyfriend...isn't this kind of like "have your cake and eat it too? If I was him I would leave the country...f*** it...
Asker

+1 y
I honestly wouldn't want the father to raise the kid on its own. I know he wants to be a father but he is not ready right now. His own life is a mess there is no way he could raise a kid, especially alone.
taster

+1 y
Could maybe give him a choice: adoption or abortion

Answer 34

taster

Seems like she could put it up for adoption and then let the father apply to the State..BUT she wants to keep the boyfriend...isn't this kind of like "have your cake and eat it too? If I was him I would leave the country...f*** it...

Answer 35

Asker

I honestly wouldn't want the father to raise the kid on its own. I know he wants to be a father but he is not ready right now. His own life is a mess there is no way he could raise a kid, especially alone.

Answer 36

taster

Could maybe give him a choice: adoption or abortion

How do I tell him that I'm pregnant and can't keep it?

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