Was I sexually abused?

[Anonymous]

Sorry if this is a bit long or if it makes hardly any sense. I have never told anyone this before and find it difficult getting my words out. A few years ago, I stayed over and my best friends house. I was 14 and she was 16 at the time. We did all the usual girlie sleep over stuff, watching movies, talking about our crushes, school, spring break etc etc. All was going well and we went to bed at around 12pm, which to us at that age was a 'late night' Anyway, I fell asleep and woke back up at around 2pm to find she had her hands down my pj bottoms and was rubbing my clitoris over my panties. After around 5 minutes of her rubbing me, she put her hand inside of my panties and carried on rubbing my clitoris for a further 5 - 10 minutes before she inserted 1 then 2 of her fingers into my vagina and started to finger me more aggressively. I don't think she knew I was awake and I was so shocked to wake up to this happening, I could not move from the position I was lay in and when I tried telling her to stop, no words came out of my mouth. I just lay there with my eyes closed and pictured myself somewhere else because I didn't know what else to do! I didn't enjoy this experience at all but I understand that teenagers experiment and things but was this really necessary? I have since cut off all ties with this girl but I now have a few questions that I need answering so if you could please answer them and offer me your advice then I would really appreciate it. 1) Was I sexually abused by this girl or was it just a teenager experimenting? 2) Now I am more sexually active, I don't enjoy it when a man goes down my panties to finger me before sex, is this a subconscious way of blocking out what this girl did to me? 3) Do I report her for this or just let it go and try to get over it? 4) Will I ever get over this? I want to be able to get wet when my boyfriend fingers me before sex but I don't know how this is possible if every time he trys, I'm reminded of this incident 5) Should I talk to someone about this or should I just keep it to myself and never mention it to anyone again? Thanks again for taking the time to read this. x

[ErikaResponding]

1. A teenager experimenting would be a consentual act, SHE may have been experimenting on you, but you, unfortunately, were molested, sad to say. I wouldn't doubt she's done this before though. Took a lot of balls to molest a friend in their sleep. Plus she was definitely old enough to know better. She's a predator.

2.It isn't blocking what she did but it is the "damage" or repercussions of the abuse. She has made you afraid of that kind of intimacy. You were her victim and now you carry emotional scars

3. If it was truly unwelcome (and I understand the being frozen thing, it happens to most rape victims) I would definitely confront her about it. Since she can't really rape people I'm not sure if there's any real point in reporting her except for revenge (humiliation of being reported, people finding out what she did, her becoming a sex offender) If I were you I'd totally do it. I'd also tell her mother and her friends. I wouldn't care what others thought me since I'd be the victim anyways. I'd freakin' take her down and let her know that what she did was WRONG and that she should never hurt another like she did to me.

4. I finally got over something similar. It took time. What will help the healing process is to confide in family, friends or most importantly a councelor or professional of some kind (your school should provide them). Don't try and endure this alone. Tell your boyfriend too, he should hopefully understand and try to be more sensitive and help you through it.

5.Yes definitely talk about it. You can't keep this bottled up. It's not good for you. Good luck. Best wishes. Hope karma gets that bitch for what she's done to you. I can't believe she'd be willing to compromise a friendship like that. IF she really wanted a sexual relationship with you then she should have ASKED you, not waited until you were unconcious like a snake.

[kgrrl2323]

its sexual abuse when you didn't like or ask for her to do that. teenage experiementation is when both consent to doing this.

it could be a response to what happened to you because it brings back memories of what happened to you.

you can't report something that happened a long time ago. you have proof it happened except for the memory. unless you can prove it, like have a gone to get a rape kit done the day it happened, there's nothing you can do.

you will get through this but I do suggest a little counselling. talking through what happened to a professional seems to help most rape victims to see that it wasn't their fault and that not every person is out to hurt you in that way. and if you trust your boyfriend, then you can talk to him about your problem and he can help you heal and maybe be more aware of your situation and be supportive. it always helps to talk about your stiuation. it helps you get it off your chest and clears the pain you've been bearing.

Best of luck in the future!

[elements]

What happened obviously wasn't consensual. I wouldn't call that teenagers experimenting.

I think it would be best for you to seek help from a professional, though. You're obviously struggling with this and it seems as though it's getting in the way of your relationship with your boyfriend.

I don't think it's a matter of "getting over it", by the way. You don't ever just "get over" something like this. However, you can work through it and live a happy, productive life despite what happened. It doesn't have to be on your mind 24/7 and with the right help, you'll find that getting through it is possible.

Good luck.

[irykiryk]

Yes it was and that girl can get in trouble, IF the police believes it.

[Mesonfielde]

Why did you have no voice? Are you sure it was not a dream?

[jennibheag]

I definately think you should see a professional it has obviously had a profound effect on you weither or not it is considered abuse doesn't matter what matters is helping you to move past it and get on with your life!

[Vasillilaw]

1. Yes, you were abused.

2. You probably are blocking it out.

3. Let it go. Especially since it was years ago.

4. Therapy will help you get over it.

5. Tell a therapist.

[beckamazara]

I think you should go and talk to a professional.. They will tell you all you need to know and help you make the right decisions for you. Anyone on this site will give you their opinions, but their opions aren't going to help you make the right one for you.

The longer you put off seeing a professional, the harder it will be to comfront it .

[Aries11w]

^^ I agree with anon. I think that you shouldn't bury it under the carpet because it was obviously a traumatic experience for you if you didn't like it and it is now effecting how you feel with boyfriends. Only you can answer if you were abused. I think if the experience was so horrible for you and it wasn't consensual then it seems like a form of abuse. Did you talk to the girl abot it afterwards? I'm so sorry your hurting. I think you need to definitely talk to someone who can help you throug

[firstlast]

it is abuse if you were not a willing participant. You didn't tell her to stop...ofcourse you didn't tell her it was okay either. I personally wouldn't call the cops, but I can't advise you on that.

[mmar58]

Yes you were sexually abused