How to feel better about that worthless feeling from a one night stand?

Anonymous
Guys,

I have been brought up not to sleep with anyone until marriage. But recently, after years of appeasing family, I decided I haven't had enough fun and to throw that out the window and try a one night stand. I met a fun, intriguing and of course attractive guy at the gym and went running with him one time. There were some texts and I tried not to send more than he would. I couldn't tell if he was interested. I've been told that girls need to let the man know that he has an opportunity with them and I tried, but am not an experienced flirt. I've also been told not to seem too available. So confusing! I just decided to be outgoing and try letting him know he had a chance with me. Sometimes he seemed interested and others I'd wonder why communications were so infrequent. Finally last week, he asked me over. At first, I tried to schedule it for a different day. I didn't want to seem too available, but he said he wanted to see me and I was curious. We ended up going to bed and it was not a pleasant experience for me at all (I wasn't a virgin but out of the game for a long time and only have had sex with long time boyfriends and with extreme guilt.) He didn't even seem to enjoy it because I was conflicted about having sex and he knew I wasn't enjoying it. I felt so much pressure to perform... isn't that supposed to be guys concern? Geez now the girl has to worry about the whole thing? Being available but not too available, performing well in bed and then act cool as she leaves with a lost sense of self worth? What is wrong with this picture?! Anyway, he was just all the more rough to get his climax...not nice for me. I just needed a connection but he didn't take the time. I left before the morning even though he invited me to stay. He was pretty dismissive after sex. I know I shouldn't have but I sent a text the next day... Just a joke answer to something he'd said the night before. He responded laughing. This time I made myself avoid contact and sure enough he texted me another night later. Had a bit of text convo but I cut it short before it got stale. Another day without communication and I was strong. But today... I sent another text. I CAN'T control myself! Ugh! Haven't heard from him. I guess I don't even want to keep things going with him. But I just want to feel better about myself now. Will other men want me if I have cheapened myself by not having enough self respect to avoid this disaster? I don't intend to do it again. But it just hurts to feel so... worthless. I'm told that I'm pretty and sweet. I'm athletic and outgoing and have a good education. But I feel so foolish and cheap. How to recover from this?! How can I meet someone and give him an opportunity with me but not seem so easy or cheap? I REALLY need the guys perspective here. Thanks in advance for reading my lengthy description and question.
How to feel better about that worthless feeling from a one night stand?
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