Is it wrong to want a guy that will put me in my place if I needed it?

I've been with 2 Guys and they both appeared tough on the exterior but they were submissive with me. Sexually, I didn't mind because I'm dominant in bed, but out of the bedroom, I'm what I was brought up a girl should be: I let him do the talking, I walk a couple steps behind him, I don't look up, at other guys. I'm respectful in public. In private, between them and I, I got my way, too much, and sometimes I consciously push to see my limits and how far I can go before he says something like "Stop!" or "Don't do that!" or "Don't say that again!" but that has never happened and I feel like I need that. I'm not saying I want a guy who will beat on me for no apparent reason, but grab me firmly and verbally discipline me- Yes. All in all, I'm a loving and caring, girlfriend and I don't spend every minute of the day trying to provoke him but sometimes I think I deserve to be hit and I don't know why. Am I sick?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You're a submissive, and you need a dominant man. And even more importantly, you need to find one who you can be in a loving, trusting relationship with; someone who understands your needs, and will meet them, but won't cross a line, because it's done out of love and respect.

    The problem is that many dominant guys don't understand the love/trust/respect part, and think that they need to treat their women like crap. That's not what you need, and not what you should EVER accept.

    Generally, you're going to need to look at older men, who have some experience and have learned some control and discipline. Younger guys will rarely have this, but that's what is necessary for a man to fill the role you are looking for.

    My last Girlfriend was much this way, and I've dated several women in the past who were similar. Their experiences were that lots of men say they were dominant, but few really were, and of those few, many were cruel and mean rather than dominant, but since that was as close as they got to what they wanted, they tended to stay in these unhealthy relationships and get abused, rather than leave and be with a guy who wasn't dominant. So, you've got to find the right mix.

    There are websites for folks who enjoy being Dom or Sub, and most of them tend to have a much better understanding of what that means than the average person, so that may be a good place to start.

    • ( : You understand that I'm not looking for someone to be cruel nor mean to me : ). I can relate completely to them preferring to stay in that type of relationship because it's... close enough. I did look up the general definitions of Dom and Sub and it seemed I didn't necessarily fit in one or the other because Sexually, I like to be dominant, Even to the point of Mistress - Slave. But I will look deeper into actual websites and hopefully I can find where exactly I fit. *I'm Grateful*

    • Being a Dom means leading - taking charge - it doesn't mean being mean or cruel. It means anything that is done is done for a reason - generally a reason both people understand and want. That's important. Even people who enjoy - even NEED - to experience pain, or bondage, or isolation, or humiliation, etc. - WANT those things - they aren't being done against their will nor should the person doing those things be doing them just to be cruel. This is why BDSM requires a higher level of emotional maturity and responsibility if it's going to be safe and rewarding. That means having frank and open conversations about what you do and don't want, and it means a robust vetting process for any new partner. Please keep that in mind and be safe.

  • Well think what you are try to say is that you need to put you in your place for time to time I had an ex like you one time and win I got sick of what she was saying I did put he in her place I never hit or yell I just told her to stop and back off. your are real a submissive and what a guy to have some balls and step up and tell you to back off some time not miss treat you or hit you just be the boss and let you know win you have gone to far with it you never what a guy it hit you they has to be some grand rules on what to far and code word that mean stop that what being a dominant and a submissive,s is all about. just one more thing you never what be treated like your not a person because you are just because you are the submissive,s your not some one bitch all the time or he's or her toy

Most Helpful Girls

  • You walk a couple steps behind him? You WANT him to hit you? I'm sorry I consider that messed up and no that is not the way a girl "should be brought up". I think you were raised in an environment that indoctrinated you into thinking you are inferior, flawed and should be disciplined into subserviance. Your parents have probably done some serious damage, and I think you will find it hard to last in an equal, healthy relationship.

    Your worth more than you think you are and I think you need to adress some of your issues,

    Sorry to be harsh.

    • No, I thank you. I have never been open about this before and it's not that I feel I'm beneath All men, I feel this way particularly in my relationships. I wanted opinions no matter how harsh. Your comment was truly appreciated.

  • :) Not at all. That's normal. I think you might feel insecure about certain things that you do. Or, even though you're dominant in bed, I used to be; then I realized I just wanted to be submissive. And found myself taking on D/s domination and submission. :) Search it sometime, not Wiki, that's wrong, that might be what you're looking for. :D Glad to help. If that's not it message me and I can try to help you best I can.

    • Thank You So Very Much

  • There's nothing wrong with it just make sure there's a definite line established with your boyfriend so what happens doesn't cross into territory that you don't enjoy. Don't fall into an abusive relationship either, make sure that despite your needs you're still in a loving, caring relationship and your needs are met out of love for you. He still needs to respect you.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Nothing's wrong with you. I'm a submissive wife and ever since my husband started disciplining me I've become a better wife and person.

  • It's called having boundaries, setting limits on how others can treat you. All healthy people do it, and expect it.

  • I don't know if your sick, but who cares.

    The key is can you find the person you want?

    I think it will be hard, though it might be.

    Your problem is you want a guy who is dominant - not just in public, but privately with you, except in bed.

    • You are absolutely right, That is what I want.

  • umm I don't know about hit you, but I agree he should take control a little bit

  • no lol I'm totally the same way

  • If you believe that you should sometimes be hit or you want to be hit, you have an emotional problem. That's not how a normal, healthy, adult woman should feel.

  • No that is what a girl should do but most girls don't do that anymore so I think that it is attractive

  • You are definitely not sick, it is so normal. I am exactly the same. Trust me most women want this.

  • I like guys with backbones too but you seem to want abuse. It's your funeral, I'd say you should get some better self esteem but yeah some people are into that. Just don't cry and whine when you can't take the beatings anymore because that is what you asked for.