My boyfriend wants to be celibate?

[idontknow88]

My boyfriend is Christian and I am agnostic. We have been dating for 9 months. Recently I've noticed we don't have sex that often and it bothered me. Now he wants to be a wholesome Christian and so that means no sex. A few days ago I told him maybe we want different things. Because in a relationship I expect touching and lovemaking without those things even if you say you love me it doesn't feel as real. I guess the question is can I handle having no sex? I know I can but do I want to...I think love without sex is a different kind of love is a calm more secure love. And love with sex is more passionate and I'm more of a feeler.. He is a great guy. You can count on him for anything and he will not let you down. I am greatly attracted to him and I do not masturbate, I guess maybe now I have to, in order to not expect it... When we first got together I knew he did sexual things so I was okay he's not too religious we can get along. And even my more religious friends I said I wouldn't date because we wouldn't have anything in common...gosh...it's like I'm a sex crazed girl and he's a religious celibate guy...can it work...I feel like I'll feel lonely...I dunno! It's like a test if I really do love him or something..what's funny is before this I was in a 3 year long distance relationship so I wouldn't have sex for months even a year and I was fine, but being close to someone often is different..>.<

[MrOracle]

A relationship is a partnership, with rules and responsibilities, either implied or explicitly listed, that both agree to. When one partner arbritrarily changes a rule, that's always going to cause problems in the partnership. To me, it would be a deal breaker, not just because of the sex, but because it shows that the person doesn't take you into consideration when making such important decisions.

As moaterboat said, this would be a different situation if you went into this relationship knowing he wanted to be celebate, but that wasn't the situation. Even if there was no outright deception here, there is still a respect issue when it comes to changing of such a fundimental piece of your relationship. Such things are properly done with a lot of prior discussion, and the offer to release the partner from the relationship under good terms due to the changes, if the partner doesn't agree to them.

You have to do what you have to do, but I would be suspicious of anyone who handles the situation like he did.

[moaterboat]

If he had been like that your whole relationship it would be different, but for him to just decide that he can make a decision that effects both of you, and expect you to just go along with it is not a good sign. It is like him deciding to move to another state and just expecting you to want to come along. I have no problem with people choosing a celibate relationship, but the fact is that only he chose it, you did not. He waited until you were emotionally invested until he decided to highhandedly change the dynamics of your relationship. I don't know if things can work out between you two, not just because of the religious differences, but because of his desire to pick and choose which rules he is going to follow without regards to how it effects you.

[l-hedoniste]

Who said you have to go without sex? You just have to go without sex *with him*. If he can suspend his sex life without consulting you, you can continue your sex life without consulting him. His celibacy applies to him, not to you.

[kheserthorpe]

Are you still allowed to strip naked, crawl around in front of him getting yourself wet and whine that you want to get pounded?

Cause if you are, I bet your other problem disappears, though you may have a new problem called 'my christian boyfriend cries and calls me a whore whenever we have sex'.

[Anonymous]

If you really love him, wait for him until you get married, and by all means masturbate for the time being, he probably does the same. It's all to do with saving yourself for the one you're going to spend the rest of your life with, and to me (I'm waiting as well) that will make the first time you have sex the best thing ever. Just knowing you've both been waiting to make it official and remain together forever. Hope that helps. :)

[Anonymous]

Rape him

[goflipaburger]

Thats not something to take lightly :/