Attempted rape from my boyfriend.. he didn't pull through, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

Last night My Boyfriend was home alone and he asked me to come over for a wile. We've been going out for about 1 year and a half and have been sexually active for the past 4 months and had our fun. But last night it was different than any other time. When I came into the house he asked if I wished to take a shower with him and I realized the poor guy was a bit horny ( I could see through his shorts the hard boner he already had ) since we haven't actually done anything for about 2 weeks, And the past nights he's been having dreams about us doing it. But we've both been busy and occupied with work there hasn't been any time. I've never resisted him and we always enjoy evry second of it but I wished to experiment last night and told him to fight it. I told him that I knew he can just put it aside us and continue one more day of no penetration. We wrestled and he warned me that I was teasing him too much and he might not be able to hold it. He held me and cuddled with me and kept trying to turn me on with his kissing but I resisted.. Then my dumbness told him to turn off the lights and caress each other. but I think that turned him on even more. That was when he got me by the wrists and help me tight and started kissing me even harder. Then kissing me down my neck. With one hand he held me down and then with the other he had his D**** right under my Vag*** I felt like he was about to force it in. But he had me so firm I felt like he was gonna rape me and strangle me to have me. Then I said "please don't make me do this! Please! " we were in his bed and naked but I didn't wanna do it, And I asked him if I could take my clothes back on to calm him down but he refused and just hugged me. Then began to cry. He said he was sorry, that he would never forgive himself for what he was about to do, that he was about to rape the girl he loved and he just kept crying. I didn't know what to do except hold him and tell him That he did it he resisted it. if he did it once he could do it again.. but what if he doesn't? what if I pushed it too far? Was this wrong of me? Should I still trust him? I'm scarred that he might actually rape me next time if he can't resist it... Earlier this morning He told me that he didn't wanna do it anymore till we got married and only if I wanted to do it. He also said, If he even brings up the subject that I should just leave him. Rarely any guys is that sensitive about these things.. What should I do?

[udolipixie]

What should I do?

Dump him. Also ignore the guys who will tell you that you deserved it.

but what if he doesn't?

then you get raped

what if I pushed it too far?

yeah because asking for one moreday of no sex is pushing it.

if he felt you were pushing it he could have exited the room instead he wrestled you down, held you by the wrists, forced kisses on you, held you down, and then after stopping when you started crying he still doesn't let you go.

Was this wrong of me?

yeah you should have better taste in men. It's wrong to expect a guy who hasn't had sex in 2 weeks to go one more day without trying to rape his gf.

Also wrong to offer to caress each other after he wrestled you down and tried to force kiss you despite your resistance. Dumb move to trust him to control himself after that display. Also you're expecting too much from a guy to think he'll remove himself from a situation that test his self control.

Should I still trust him?

if you want to. just don't cry victim if it turns out you can't.

[udolipixie]

@And what can I do to help him get though this? Counseling for him since you made him go through this.

[queenofpeen]

Well, even though him attempting to do that was terrible and he should have had more control over his horniness, he did stop when you told him to and he seems really regretful for putting you in that situation. This is a tough one... I think you should talk to him more about it, express how you're feeling. Tell him that you don't want to feel scared about it, but you can't help it. Encourage him to talk about how he's feeling, knowing his side of it might make it easier for you to decide what to do.

Don't listen to the people who are severely judging you... Some people suck at putting themselves in another's shoes.

[Asker]

Thanks, but what can I do to help him get through this? This morning he made me promise me we wouldn't do it anymore till marriage.. in a way I'm glad but another, I'm feel so guilty for making him go through that situation

[queenofpeen]

Just tell him that there's no need to call off sex altogether, he just needs to be a bit more respectful about listening to you when you say you don't want to do it. There's nothing wrong with him having sex with you when you DO want it.

[Asker]

He's closed off a lot and is a very sensitive guy but I'll see what we can do. Thank you

[udolipixie]

"he did stop when you told him to" No he didn't. He didn't stop when she told him from the get go there would be no sex- he wrestled her down to the ground. He didn't stop when she resisted his attempts- he instead escalated & pinned her down ignoring the rest of resistance until she started yelling. It told his d*ck almost being inside her & her screaming no for him to stop when he already knew she didn't want it by her telling him from the beginning and her resistance earlier and during.

[udolipixie]

Or is him stoping when she told him to only taking in when she yelled no and not her 'there's no sex' and resisting his efforts? I'm just curious if you mean he stopped from raping her when she said no or if he stopped when she told him to. Because there were a lot of nos (one more day, resistance) before the final one (her yelling)

[Asker]

He stopped after I asked him to not make me do it, And he didn't pin me to the ground we were play wrestling half naked and that turned him on even more, that was when he gave me his first warning that he might not be able to resist himself.

[udolipixie]

I didn't say he pinned you to the ground. I just used pinned down for when you put 'held me down'. Sucks for you he didn't listen to his first warning or paid attention to you resisting his kisses and efforts before he held you down. Good luck on helping him through this. Most would want the guy to help her through it. But you feel guilty for making him go through that instead of him removing himself from the situation or listening to one more day or your resistance.

[queenofpeen]

"I wished to experiment last night and told him to fight it. I told him that I knew he can just put it aside us and continue one more day of no penetration." I'm not trying to victim-blame at ALL, but there are a lot of factors that we can't judge because we weren't there. If she presented it as an "experiment," he might have seen it as a playful thing. Same with the wrestling.That doesn't excuse his actions, but... he's not a complete a**hole.

[udolipixie]

At least your experiment showed you that saying no sex will result in him ignoring your resistance, escalating, and attempting rape instead of rape. Try counseling though it may be a problem with him being closed off. Not sure how sensitive he is if he can't remove himself from the situation or pay attention to your resistance but you can try using the sensitive side to get him to seek counseling for you making him go through that.

[udolipixie]

@queenofpeen Sorry for the updates replying to the QA on your posts. No you're not trying to victim blame just minimize behavior. Quite common girls/guys minimize men's behavior as men lack control sexually. A lot of factors to take in but you assume she presented it as an experiment instead of her wishing to experiment not presenting it to him that way. Odd since she put "I told him that I knew he can just put it aside us and continue one more day of no penetration. "

[udolipixie]

No he's not a complete a**hole just a guy who tells his girlfriend she's teasing him, tries to force kisses on her, ignores the past resistancr and continues to try to turn her on, then after that doesn't work holds her down. Not an a**hole just an attempted rapist. At least he knew he was intending to rape the girl he loved not sure if he got the experiment presentation = playful thing.

[udolipixie]

No need to espond. I got my answer you put "he did stop when you told him to " because to you he saw it as an experiment to & an attempt at being playful. Instead of "I told him that I knew he can just put it aside us and continue one more day of no penetration." I'm with you on the factors we don't know. She shouldn't have tested him guys don't have that kind of control to not escalate that far.

[Anonymous]

I've known guys like this ... they want to remind you that they CAN easily rape you. It's a power trip. Dump him, he was trying to show you that if you dont' do whatever he wants, he can just force you.

[kurozogo]

I think that you are both to blame , I would probably dump you right away I would not even think of raping you , you want to experiment , get a f***ing lab mouse ..

[kurozogo]

I'm not saying that he was anything close to right to make a move on you while you did not want it , I say that you obviously find it nice to play with him and he is not doing the right thing ..

[kurozogo]

If I go and swim in the sea with some white sharks , then they eat me people will just say .. What Did You Expect ? Stupid actions , most of the time end in bad news ..

[Asker]

We usually take turns on what we wanna do with each other, this isn't the worst we've done but I think it really got to him. Even tho we do dumb things we love each other very much, We've gone through disasters and BS all the time we used to it.

[kurozogo]

ok . Good luck you both then :D

[Asker]

Haha Thanks man..

[Anonymous]

What kind of experiment is this? Is that for your own pleasure or something? I don't get it.

[talkgently]

Do you think you deserve it?

[Anonymous]

wtf?

[Anonymous]

Getting in bed naked with a guy is kinda asking for sex, what's wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

well first off I think you should have sex with your boyfriend of 1.5 years. I also think you should find a more masculine guy with a reasonable amount of control over his emotions