Sexual Health
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If he wants a threesome, does that mean he doesn't love me?

My boyfriend really wants to have a threesome. He tells me he loves me and wouldn't want to be with anyone else. He is sweet to me and is basically wonderful to me, but lately he's been talking a lot about having a threesome. He's never had one before (and neither have I), but I'm not attracted to women, and I would get sooo jealous if we ever had one! I told him I'd be willing to do anything else, but he seems really stuck on this. I don't know if it's a deal-breaker or not, because he told me he thinks I will want to someday. I told him that it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him, and he says that it doesn't mean that at all, just that it looks like it would be fun, and that it's every guy's fantasy. What should I do? is there any way to compromise? and should I be offended by this?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Yeah I know how that feels, my fiancé was sweet talking me through text messages while he was working, he is a roofer, right after he texted me sweet nothings, he texted his friend saying "man I wished mushrow (a hot woman him and his friend are obsessed with that's his friends girlfriends best friend) was here, I'd take out to the woods and I'd fuck her so hard she wouldn't be walking out mwahahahaha." Well he thought I would find out, like the idiot he is he asked me while he was driving "can you go into my sent messages and tell me what address I texted you was" because I forgot my phone, and I saw the text right under the one he sent me. Boy didn't I cry, he swears up and down he was joking but even his own older sister and brother said if he was joking why didn't he just say he wished it was you? Which is true if it was really a joke he would of said he wished I was there. What gets to me is he's allowed to say that stuff and flirt and look at girls but if I even look or talk to a man at the store who's s cashier I get in trouble, but if he does it I can't say anything because then I'm a terrible jealous birch who's way to insecure and blaaaaaaaaaah fucking blaaaaaaaaaah, basically what I'm trying ti say is if you don't like me doing that and it upsets you and makes you jealous then why the hell do it to me and literally make me feel like shit for the same exact thing you do. It's not fair if you want to do it and get away with it let me get away with it to. Like I said if he doesn't like it and it makes him upset and hurt that I did what he does every day why can't I do it? Men can be so selfish, yes woman can be too, and to be honest I don't care what man will trash talk me and say I'm "too insecure" I wouldn't date you, you're abusing him emotionally because you're uncomfortable with threesomes and you don't want him sleeping with another woman, well you can suck a cock, what about the mental and emotional abuse that is to us that our boyfriends fiancé or husbands want to fuck other women all the time and flirt but if we do it we are just whores sluts and terribly abusive bitch girlfriends, nope not at all you men ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES WHO HAVE FEELINGS AND ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES WHO NEED A EGO BOOST, if we do the same thing and it upsets you and hurts you what the hell do you guys think this is doing to us ladies? To be honest this crap is stupid if you don't want it done to you don't do it to us plain and fucking simple. Talk shit men idc.

  • Thank you for your article! It touches my heart deeply because I have recently went through something similar 3 years ago before all this spells and spell casters madness on the INTERNET started which makes people to be confuse and scam them of their money. ALSO IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN MAGIC AND SPELLS, I THINK YOU ARE MISTAKEN, DON’T GET ME WRONG, I ONCE HAD MY DOUBTS, TOO.
    THIS IS MY STORY: I was married for 6years with 2 kids a boy and a girl and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that My husband filed for a divorce. I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and I don’t want to loose him but everything just didn’t work out, he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. I was surfing the internet for solution on what to do when one Dr. Zigaga of islea shrine DUPED me of my hard earned money because I was so desperate to get my husband and children back, Dr. zigaga it will not be well with you were ever you are. The breakthrough came when Monalisa my best friend introduced me to this wonderful, great prophet named Prophet Abayotor who eventually helped me out. I have never been a fan of things like this but I just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice, behold within a week after the regular prayers and proceeding, my parent call me on phone and said that I should come home immediately, when I did my husband was with them immediately he saw me he came to me and knelt down begging me to forgive him that he was so sorry for how he treated me. That it was his mother that made him dislike me so much, I was shocked and began to cry because I thought I lost him forever, immediately I forgave him and he promised that he will always love me, immediately he opt out in filing for the divorc

  • It's a fantasy, but I don't think he's really serious about your relationship.

    Tell him, "yeah, let's have a 3some...with a guy" haha.

    Hey it's a 3some and that's what he wants.lol.

    And if you feel like that would get you jealous, don't do it. I have a sort of 3some before and I didn't really like it because my boyfriend went off and asked my friend for more sexual favors while he was "drunk" supposedly. With a guy you surely wouldn't get jealous because you already know that you like this guy, right? But you are not sure if he feels the same about you or if he'd end up wanting to do more with this other girl. That's how I felt, and that's where jealously comes into play.

    And if he's saying that you will want to someday, then do it that someday! haha not now.

    It's like I want to have sex someday, (saving for marriage I decided =]), but I'm not ready now so I'm not going to now and I will when my day comes.

    I wouldn't be offended, but take a step back...

    Seriously mention doing it if its with another guy! (so you won't have to worry about jealous)

    -I repeated some stuff, sorry =P

  • Ask him how HE would feel if you wanted to have a threesome (him and another guy).

    Oh and to answer your question, he really loves you. We all have fantasies, and a threesome is a popular one.

    PS -- Now you have an idea of what to give him for valentines day :) Just kidding :p

Most Helpful Guys

  • I think you've completely misunderstood his request. Whether he loves you or not has nothing to do with his desire to have a threesome. Why would you even come to that conclusion. I think a part of you is slightly off or crazy for coming to those conclusions on your own with no basis for your suspicions. Just because you're too close-minded to legitimately consider his fantasies, doesn't mean you're allowed to fault him for having it. Everyone is the way they are and are not prone to changing much. If you don't like his fantasies and they make you uncomfortable, then maybe you don't love him. there's nothing wrong with not wanting a threesome, but there's also nothing wrong with his wanting one either. Ostracizing him for something he had the courage to bring up to you is emotionally abusive. You're literally saying he should think and exactly like you, or he's a bad boyfriend. But that makes you a bad girlfriend. I wouldn't want to date you, and i'd drop any girl that treated me like that ASAP. If you don't want to do the threesome, be straight up and just say you're not into kinky stuff. He loves you either way, that has nothing to do with the threesome. If he wants it badly enough, he'll simply break up with you or go cheat on you. If not, it will sit there in the back of his mind for as long as you two are together. Buried deep down inside.

    • I love that!! Your absolutely right I've never seen it that way... thank u for ur honest answer

  • Yes, that means he DOESN'T love you, and if he's told you that he loves you he just likes to hear himself talk and feels his talk might convince you to consent to a threesome. You should say NO with an exclamation point! If he wants other girls or wants to try to get you on girls please show him the door. Forget the guy's fantasy crap! That's crap and only guys that have their heads on crooked think like that. Yes you should be offended by this especially if you've thought right along that this man has sweet talked into believing that he loves you.

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What Girls & Guys Said

18 10

  • I do not think that he can honestly love you if he has wishes of sharing something that intimate with another woman. It is not every guys fantasy, I know a couple of guys that could care less about having a threesome with two girls or not. He is constantly bringing it up although you said no, I think that is disrespectful and you guys have bigger issues than this threesome ordeal. If it is a deal breaker, does that mean you will do it? I think that is crazy, what if he loved it and you hated it but he wants to do it again, what then? Have a solid rock to stand on and no matter what you will have your respect in the end. I hope this helps

  • No you shouldnt be offended at all. I mean all you can do is try really. you never know you may like it its definitely different to do stuff with a girl and at first when I did I was shocked on how it made me feel. But I mean honestly its up to you. If you think you can handle trying it it may mean a lot to him and make him see you are doing something outside of the box but if you are uncomfertable like way uncomfertable then don't cause I wouldn't want you to do something you really really don't want to and niether should he. so just talk with him if you don't make sure he knows it maybe try watching porn together as something new like girl on girl porn that may help . . . find other things to try and experiment or! you can also ask him how he would feel if you had a threesome with another guy? see what he says. I have encountered that same thing. if you do just be sure to lay some rules down. hope that helps.

  • don't be offended... this is pretty common it is a very popular male fantasy and he probably thinks it is really hot to have 2 girls at one time... its not that your are performing bad sexually or that he doesn't love you. its just he thinks this is taking it to another level basically. I have had a threesome before and its basically the same.. guys think with their penis' don't forget that.

    fun fact: guys think about something sexual at least once every 4 mins

    • Actually 30 seconds xD unless were concentrating HAAAAAARRRD on something else

  • inviting a third person into bed is a big deal. you're offended and shocked and irritated, but the fact that you're turning to internet advice makes me wonder if you're really insecure.

    stop worrying about feelings. worry about behavior.

    I suggest you reclaim some power in this relationship. Next time your guy brings up the threesome, tell him firmly that you said no, and tell him that you're not sure if he's boyfriend material because he has no respect for your boundaries and expectations. don't say it as a threat, make it sound as of you like him but can also live without him.

    this guy sounds like a brat to me.

    • Your on this site too. are you insecure? probably considering your old

  • This is a sign that he's watching too much porn or a sex addict. Probably both. Love is word that is flung around too casually these days. if he loved you, cheating with or without you would not cross his mind, especially to ask you.

    • Lol, drama queen

  • No I don't think that means he doesn't love you. A lot of the guys that I know are all about trying new things. My boyfriend has been talking about it also and I would get really jealous also but I think he's just trying to have more fun. But if you decide to try it just make the rules clear and tell him that you don't want him to have sex with whoever and not to intiment..ect...just be sure that he knows how you feel...lol but I have no room talking I'm panicing over it too! But hope I helped

  • my boyfriend said the same thing.

    i'm a one mate only kind of girl and he has to deal with that.

    i told him if he wanted 2 girls at once then he could go find them and I'd be out of his life.

    i think its just a universal male dream. it's a load of crap in my mind.

    stand up for yourself

    maybe he's watching too much porn, not that porn is horrible. but lets leave the threesome and messed up stuff to the pornstars.

  • It might be a deal breaker for you. Don't compromise yourself on his behalf or you will beat yourself up over it later if the relationship ends.

  • I remembered I once read a Joke/story about a guy who kept trying to get his wife to have anal sex. Finally she grabbed a dildo and said would you want this up your ass? Of course the answer was no, and he never asked again. If he didn't just jokingly ask you, and he asks you few more times, and you already gave him a huge NO. Tell him, sure I'll have a threesome with you, I really want another guy in the bedroom. Maybe he won't be so eager then.

    And like that other comment said, go you for not giving in. Some people would be stupid and do it to make there boyfriend happy. Do what will make you comfortable, happy and safe.

  • Four years? Well it's every guys fantasy. truly. If he didn't love you he would have left by now. If you really want to make a compromise you could say "I'll have a threesome if immediately after you put a ring on my finger." or before or whatever you might choose. Don't be offended unless he really pushes it all the time. Guys have "little kid syndrome" When little kids go to the store they bitch and moan about getting a toy until they get it. Guys somehow never outgrow that. Don't worry though. He would have gone if he didn't love you. You can either compromise or say no. It's entirely up to you. I hope this helped.

  • I don't know if he really loves you. Think of it this way, if you had the opportunity to have your boyfriend and a hot guy at the same time, would you stop loving your boyfriend? I don't think you would. It is not that serious. Threesomes do not equate love. You are enough but just like some women need a vibrator to have the big one you boyfriend wants a little extra.

    However, if he keeps pushing you then I would leave. He needs to understand that you are not comfortable with the idea and that it seems to be a deal breaker for you. If he can't let it go then let him go.

  • I would be offended!

    I totally get what you are sating about not being enough for him as it is!

    I am sure every guy dreams about it but they don't push like this for it.

    I would just draw the line there and tell him that he can have you alone or not at all..

  • Most kinks are not interchangeable. If a person is a bondage freak only, offering to spank them is not only annoying, but a little unkind. ("Since you're NOT going to get what you want, here's what you'll have to settle for."

    You need to find out whether the threesome is a deal-breaker for him. If it is, you have a tough choice to make: suck it up, "don't ask, don't tell", or dump him.

  • He's just interested in something sexual and he has been open and honest and brought it to you. I would take this as complement. He trusts you enough to be straight about his interests.

    For what it's worth, I have done threesomes with my girlfriends and it was a lot of fun that we got to have together. I never left a lover for someone else we had sex with and the only impact it had in regard to her was that I developed more respect for her because she was willing to stretch her comfort a little and try something that made her nervous and jealous.

    The compromise might be: Ok, I want a threesome with two guys first. Or I want to try a little bondage or whatever sexual interest you might have to try out.

  • yea, be a little offended. its natural that every guy wants this, but the fact that he keeps pushing it isn't good. if he really loves you, he would respect that you don't want to. I really want a threesome with my gf, but I would never even bring that up with her. I know that she would never want to do it. mabye watch porn while you do it with him...thats the only comprimise I can think of. If he keeps pushing it then leave him

    I'm glad to see you not giving in. Most girls are stupid and would've had a threesome by now. If he wouldn't be comfortable bringing in another guy, you shouldn't have to bring in another girl.

    • Nah, he never pushed it. I think he was teasing me about it. I'm more offended at the fact that he wanted it at all.

    • Yea this is something guys are suppose to keep to themselves unless they know the girl wants it too. So, just know that he's like any other guy. It's just the way we are, two girls is soo hot, but don't give in! My freakin girlfriend gave in before, not with me but when she was dating other guys and it makes me mad. Of course I want a threesome, but I wouldn't want to have one with my girlfriend that I actually like.

  • i think it means he's not serious about you..

    i know my fiance would be pissed of sharing me with a girl or guy. he wouldn't go for it at all.

    a guy that's in love would want you all to himself. and not want to share you or not want other girls at the same time.

  • yes shld he's an asshole, and he shldnt be wanting to have sex with ne1 else but you if he really does love u

  • I would say the only way to conclude that he doesn't love you is if he breaks up with you over it. If it's a deal break than you've got to make it clearly known to him

  • oh, no, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you!

    Many (not all) guys have this fantasy.

    But, he should be willing to respect your wishes; if he doesn't, it is not a good sign for the relationship.

  • having a threesome WILL become a problem THIS IS FOR SURE! men don't move backwards sexually. so if you have a three one night then expect to have a three every night. not saying its gonna happen ever night but to expect him to ask every night. he's never gonna forget what it was like with TWO pussies instead of one and he will crave it. if ur in a relationship its never good to brnig in other people point blank. wether you know about it or not. trust me hahaha threes are addictive hahaha espically when you are a great preformer! hmmm to see two WELL WORKED women on ur bed is AWESOME

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