Do men really only care about sex? (Or care about sex the most?)

[Anonymous]

I see so often guys saying that we stereotype, and that guys care about more than just sex. But then I see answers to questions that completely contradict that! For example, these are some answers to a question I just read about a girl asking why a guy did a 180 on her after sex. "This actually isn't all that uncommon." "Yeah, basically all that "dating intensely" was just him putting in the ground work to get you to sleep with him." "So 3 days go by, but now his needs have reasserted themselves, and he's going to want to have amazing sex again at some point. And you're his best option. 99% of all teenage guys feel like this." "He worked his ass off to get in your pants. Once he did he was satisfied for a bit and chilled out, but now he's horny again so he misses you. Yes, it's a crass way to put it, but that's how relationships work for guys. You'll get used to it." This is ridiculous to me! Men are basically admitting that they only want us for sex and that's it. But then they get furious when we are cautious, reject them, withhold sex, etc in the quest to find a man who really loves us for us. What woman WOULDN'T with this kind of information? Men is it true? Is sex really all relationships are about for you?

[Quantumus]

Your post here validates exactly why men get irritated by women's generalizing us. There are some men who think of sex as a major facet of a relationship, some who think of it as important but not more important than chemistry and genuine companionship, and some who don't really think it's important at all - that it's more icing on the cake. This is also true for women.

I think it very silly to state that one part of a relationship is more important than another. If you entered a relationship with a man who completely refused sex, then you might be turned off, and you'd probably leave. Most would, and that's completely fine. Sex is important, to a degree, to most people. But you'd also leave the relationship if he was great in the sack and an absolute moron outside of it. Which quality is more important? Both intellectual compatibility and sexuality can very well be determining factors in a relationship, but how can you even begin to state that one takes precedence over the other?

If you honestly believe that most men only want sex from relationships, then it's high time you grew up.

[Asker]

I generalized based on the above quotes written by men in which they generalize themselves. I can't argue with men when it comes to how men think and act. You would know better than I. But I'm glad to see it's not how you feel about it.

[Quantumus]

You can't argue with men when it comes to how they act and think, yet when they give you their honest opinions (that contradict what you thought) you continue to act as though they're all the same, and exactly as you suspected? Right.

[Asker]

No it's just confusing. Some of you say one thing and some of you say another. I don't know who to believe.

[Quantumus]

Some men say that all men think about is sex, because those are the only types of men they are around. Others (myself included) KNOW that some men think about sex primarily, while a very large portion do not. I do not. That is also within the group of men that I'm familiar with, but are you going to believe the one who states that all men want is sex, or the one who says that it's not black and white and that some want different things than others? Men are no different than women in this regard.

[Asker]

I will believe the point that sounds most valid to me. And I'm glad that you make that point because it sounds the most logical. I wrote this question because the things they were saying sounded black/white & illogical, but no man was disagreeing with them.

[kheserthorpe]

I can't answer your poll as written. In a relationship I care about, sex is about even with other emotional parts.

If the emotional side fell apart, I'd still want sex. When the sex dies, I'm emotionally miserable no matter what else is happening.

I'm tempted to vote 'B', but I suspect you'd think I'm 'A' compared to how you think.

[kheserthorpe]

In response to the rest of your post: - some guys, in some relationships, are looking just for sex. - some guys are looking for sex(ual connection), companionship, love and emotional closeness. Sex is not a bonus add on to love, its right up there as one of the main legs of the relationship. There are a few guys who don't want any kind of sexuality in their relationship (not just because they're waiting for marriage, at which point they want sex daily). But that's not normal.

[Asker]

I'm a very sexual person myself, so I understand it being an important part. But to me, it's AS important as the companionship, emotional closeness, love, etc. From what I'm seeing on this site and in real life, it seems that men put all of those things at the bottom (if at all) and sex makes up 99% of the importance of relationships.

[kheserthorpe]

When sex is good, loving and passionate, it meets most of many men's needs for feeling loved, emotionally close, etc. This doesn't mean all sex is like that. You can have grouchy sex with someone who is begrudging. But when its passionate and affectionate, basically my 'needs' are pretty much met. Does that mean I 'just need sex'? No. I know this because I've gotten that crappy sex and I still wanted love/etc. But when sex is _good_ it might seem like I need nothing else.

[kheserthorpe]

Also - as has been said before - sex is 99% of the relationship if its not happening. Just like communicating would be 99% of the relationship if it wasn't happening, etc. They're all deal breakers.

[Asker]

I can agree with those things. But I think what I want to make sure of is that I don't end up with a guy solely because he was tired of chasing women for sex (he wanted someone consistent) and I was the hottest girl he thought he could find. No emotion, no love, no companionship. I was just a good business arrangement for his penis.

[kheserthorpe]

Guys don't get married because they are tired of chasing girls around, they get married because they think she's the best girl they've ever been with, and they want it to last forever. They don't 'settle' when getting married, because they're under so little pressure to get married. The older you get, the EASIER dating gets for guys. I think its a lot more terrifying for guys, since a lot of women do settle for a 'decent guy' and amp up the sex till they're married, then let it fade.

[Asker]

I'm very glad to hear this and you make a good point.

[NoOneYouExpect]

You know I've noted something about this subject. When the sex is both good and frequent it becomes significantly less important. Maslow's hierarchy of needs even places sex in the the lowest level of physical needs that need to be meet before emotional needs are attended to. Anyhow once both parties are getting a regular endorphin dump its easier to pay attention to other things. Like why he's not heading for the hills when you mention wanting him to spend 5 days with you and your parents over the holidays.

[slipslender]

to answer the questions in your heading:

no, I don't think men only care about sex.

yes, I do think they care about it the most- at least this is what I've gathered from personal experience. as you mentioned, it's unfortunate because we have to hold out on expressing our feelings physically, just to make sure we aren't getting used... and even then, some guys are so determined, they'll stick around for months just to get some. I guess the best thing to do is be extremely selective.

[Asker]

Doesn't this bother you though knowing that we care more about the person and they care more about the sex? Which can be given by any trampy girl out there? It just seems so shallow and one-sided.

[Quantumus]

QA: You have serious superiority issues if you honestly believe that you "care more about the person and they (men) care more about the sex". I'd be surprised if you ever enter a serious relationship with a man, now that you've blocked out all reason and given yourself to seeing men as sex-crazed pigs. You're the only one here who's perpetuating any one-sided bullsh*t. Every post I see coming from you only strengthens my observations.

[slipslender]

of course it bothers me. I'm going to be happily single for a really long time :)

[slipslender]

@Quantumus: the QA is just venting about some things she's noticed about guys. She's entitled to her own opinion.

[Quantumus]

She is entitled to her own opinion, of course, but when she asks for honesty from the group she generalizes so harshly and then after receiving evidence to refute her presuppositions continues to berate them and act as though she never heard a thing, I am entitled to point out how full of sh*t she is.

[slipslender]

hahaha, true enough.

[Asker]

I'm actually in a relationship right now with a man who's proven more than most it's not about the sex. But it seems most other guys ARE about the sex, I've dated plenty. And I worry that if I were to be single again I would encounter this issue.

[Quantumus]

For any statistically relevant sample size, to make any serious generalization about what men want based on the number you've dated, you'd need to have a track record longer than the Great Wall of China. You don't seem like that kind of woman, although your hypocrisy would make it a bit more believable.

[Asker]

You don't need to be an ass because I'm asking a question based on what MEN wrote down about themselves. Maybe if the shoe were on the other foot for a second you may realize the genuine fear women have of being used in this way.

[Quantumus]

Women fear being used in this way, and for the most part, they can avoid it. Men fear being generalized in the way that you generalize, and they can't avoid it unless the girl they're pursuing is open-minded enough to let them demonstrate that they don't fit that generalization. Your move.

[afrohombre1]

No, if it was true then there wouldn't be so many men loving their women. I've always thought about and wanted sex, whether it's was with a fwb's or a girlfriend. Some guys want only sex from women and some want the emotional bond and companionship that comes with being in a relationship with her. Some men are sex driven and some are wifey driven, it's different from guy to guy at different stages in his life, doesn't mean that most of us just wants sex, but sex is always wanted, regardless.

[Longshot]

There are guys who want sex only and others who want a relationship. From age 16-22, we can be Neandrathal like, but as we mature the need and importance of a relationship will take over. We're a little slower than females in getting there.

[NothingGoldCanStay]

Some do some don't. I read the question as well and was a bit taken back by how silly some of the answers were. 3 days is quite normal for someone to chillout. I do that sometimes because I want to figure out how I want to proceed. You know, think if I really do want something serious, or not. Am I really only here for the sex, or are the deeper feelings. Sometimes men do just want sex, usually the case when most of the conneciton is physical, i.e. do you make him laugh, do you make him smile, or do you mostly just make each other excited and horny? Find the essence of your relationship and you will know if he is serious or not.

[rockingpianoman]

B , I've already said no to one-night stands , as I 'm looking for a relationship , not for sex alone .

[Kaeden]

Sex is essential part but it is not what makes EVERYTHING

[JonnyBG]

I honestly care far more about the other elements of a relationship. I resent sex as an act of lust. Therefore I will not want to sleep with anyone who I don't have a real connection with. For me, that level of intimacy needs to go hand in hand with genuine affection. If you'd walk away after that, you'd be walking away from everything else.

[lizalotofpuss]

Wow a lot of guys really dont have a clue when it comes to u girls women r very tricky to learn thier ways everyone is different but in many ways the same what I've learned from my many years exp is that sex isn't or shouldn't revolve around or make the relationship if u truly love this person then sex is just the bonus there has to be a true connection between the both of u

[c7777]

you make it sound like guys who just want sex are just the most shallow thing to hit the earth. LOL Girls dating guys for financial security is the shollowest concept I don't even understand how you can get more shallow I could try but I don't think il suceed

[Asker]

I consider women dating for money and men dating for sex to be equal in shallowness. Both are extremely shallow.

[Quantumus]

QA: You seem to think that women are immune from dating solely with the prospect of sex in mind.

[Asker]

I'm not saying they are immune to it at all, but the proportion of women who want men solely for sex is small. Most women want men for companionship. Whereas men seem to not care about that (or put it at the bottom of the list). At the top is sex, which can be given by any girl they find attractive. No one girl is special.

[c7777]

LOL ure funny QA. Its perfectly normal for people BOTH male and female to just want sex at some point in their life. Wanting someone for their fat wallet... is not a part of human nature. See this is what women fail to notice.. Men date women for looks and personality. women date men for looks personality, MONEY, and status... pathetic

[Asker]

Actually that is part of human nature. Women naturally are attracted to men with resources so that he could provide for her and her offspring. What used to be food and tools has evolved into money. If you're going to make an argument about what's natural or not, you can't call a woman's natural instincts "pathetic." You negate your entire argument because you're proving to be biased against women when you don't agree with it.

[kheserthorpe]

Agree with QA. I would also note that most women may be attracted to wealthy/high status men, but they are NOT gold diggers. If they were, more would be happily prostitutes. No, many women are attracted to rich men even when they get no financial benefit, they are attracted to those guys because of their genetics, just like guys are attracted to a woman with nice legs.

[Xx_DRE_xX]

I mean its definitely going to be the biggest factor in our relationships. Does that mean that it's going to be about everything? No.

[Asker]

Do you not see how offensive that is? It's very similar to a woman saying "Money is the biggest factor in our relationships, but it's not everything." Just because it's not EVERYTHING doesn't mean it's not extremely shallow to make money the biggest factor. Guys would be horrified if that were true, and that's how women feel when guys say that about sex

[Xx_DRE_xX]

Im not really complaining because for the most part it is true, tell me why would any woman want to be with a man that's making under 40k/year or whatever? Nobody likes the idea of struggling matter of fact, nearly 70% of divorces is based on financial issues alone. How is it offensive to have a desire for what you want? Besides were all shallow somehow wheter we want to really admit it or not.

[Asker]

If you're OK with a woman dating you primarily for your wallet then I will retract my previous statement. The problem I see with this is, there is no real love developing for the person. If sex and money are the main factors, then you will easily leave each other for more sex or for a man with a bigger bank account.

[Xx_DRE_xX]

I mean I'm not really OK with it but, there's going to be those women out there I'm sure. Even if I were it would be to use her more than she could get to use me. I do get your point and there are people that do that. I'm just saying that as human beings we want what we want.

[Asker]

That's the point I'm making. You can say "there will be those women out there." Meaning you don't believe all women are like that, only a small portion. From what I'm reading and seeing, ALL men are like this about sex. Thus my frustrations. It seems I must go gay in order to avoid being used. But you're right, people want what they want. Just wish sometimes I was born the other gender so I could avoid wanting a deeper connection than I will be given.

[Xx_DRE_xX]

It is what it is.