My ex called me a slut

Question

We had a long complicated relationship, mostly because he's a jealous, insecure idiot. He judged me a lot because of my past, because a couple of years before I'd met him I had given oral sex to a mutual friend we had. I mean, it happened before I even knew he existed, but yet he felt entitled to judging me and calling me a slut because of it, when I finally told him the truth about it, he also said he couldn't trust me because I had kept that from him for so much time. I put up with it, stupidly. We had some great moments, but it was like walking on eggshells because he was always getting jealous, calling me names or mistrusting me. I stopped going out, I even distanced myself from y friends so much, and I cut contact with practically every guy friend I once had.Then we broke up last year, and I wouldn't take him back, which taught him a lesson. We got back together early this year, and he haad changed a bit, he was getting a lot better. However, sometimes he'd get jealous but since I wouldn't put up with it, he'd cut it almost immediately. One day, however, some of my friends saw him at a pub, drunk, cuddling with some other girl. I rboke up with him after that and then we kept seeing each other and stuff, so it wasn't like we were broken up, only thing was that we weren't friends on Facebook but in every other respect we were a couple.But then, we broke up about a month ago, because I went on a trip with some friends, and I didn't tell him that some male friends he's jealous of were going. I apologized and told him I was scared of telling him beforehand because he tends to overreact, but he again called me a slut and assumed I cheated, which I didn't, so I broke up with him.Then he started apologizing every day, begging me to get back together with him and I haven't as much as I still love him and miss him. But today I saw him, and he was so sweet and asking me to get back together with him, and I said I wasn't sure. I told him I got my clit pierced, and he called me a slut for "showing your vag to a complete stranger just to get a slutty piercing". I told him at least I don't sleep around like his female friends do, but he said I'm more of a slut than they are. He also told one of his male friends and he said it was a slutty thing... his friend is a drug addict who knocked a girl up, and cheated on her repeatedly, and he feels entitled to judge me? I feel awful, sorry for the length but I'm so pissed off. I know I shouldn't care about him if he's my ex, but still it hurts.

selfishstars · Accepted Answer

He's insecure, jealous, and verbally/emotionally abusive. He also has some pretty immature views on sexuality.

He insults you because he wants to make you feel bad, hurt your self-esteem, and control you.

If he weren't in the picture, would you feel bad for having oral sex with someone before you even met him? For going on a trip with male friends? For getting your clit pierced? Probably not. As long as you're fine with the decisions you've made, you shouldn't let him make you feel bad about them. In fact, you shouldn't let him make you feel bad about them regardless (because even if you regret a decision you've made, we all make mistakes---who is he to judge?).

People who truly care about their partners DO NOT treat their partners this way.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to cut this guy out of your life completely and forget all the hurtful things he's said to you. They're not true. You're not a slut. You don't deserve to be treated the way he's been treating you. You can do much better.

SkinnyG · Accepted Answer

TOXIC. It sounds like you both LOVE the drama. It's hard to advise on any of this because you are both doing stuff behind the other one's back. You guys need to have a - what I call - a Come to Jesus meeting. This is NOT a religious meeting, it's a lay all your cards out on the table, tell me all the sh** you did behind my back and I'll tell you all the sh** I did and from now on all that sh** is off limits. Then either knock off all the stupid sh** or don't go out with each other. I mean seriously, this sounds like a really bad reality show.

Furthermore, what happened in the past is in the past, you can't change it so he needs to get over you giving some friend oral B4 you guys even knew each other. SO WHAT?

You not telling him you were going on a trip with some male friends was out of line. You also should have told him you were getting your clit pierced, unless you were broken up at the time.

His drug addict friend has nothing to do with anything whether he cheated on that girl he knocked up or not.

heatherlu · Accepted Answer

He sounds insecure and controlling.

And you're an idiot if you want to get back with him.

The guy clearly doesn't respect you - and he can say that's because you don't have respect for yourself - but that's not the case. He just doesn't respect you and will find any excuse for it. He manipulates and tries to control you - tries to make you feel bad about yourself.

Is this the kind of relationship you want?

I don't think so. Make sure he stays an ex this time.

kheserthorpe · Accepted Answer

People who want things from you or want to change your behavior will throw words around pretty liberally, especially if they trigger a response. This doesn't just apply to girls. People get called sluts, needy, jerks, wimps, perverts etc ... if it gets the desired result, people will keep saying it.

Take a deep breath and recognize this guy is not, actually, an impartial observer.

You're not a slut.

THe end.

InsaneBda · Accepted Answer

I totally agree with CuriousEddie his answer was the best just try and forget about him its hard for everyone but in time it won't be so hard and yull look back in the past and laugh and as he said you'll be glad you guys were over

Stunned_Mullet · Answer

His slur upon you says more about his insecurity than it does anything about you. Thank the lord you dodged a bullet of remaining in a relationship with an immature nasty piece of work like him.

yopyopyop · Answer

Next time he talks to you, remember to act as if he doesn't exist. Run away from abusive people. He needs a psy, you need a good guy.

l-hedoniste · Answer

Let. Him. Go. He's not good for you, he doesn't want to be good for you, there's no reason to have him in your life--none. Cut him loose.

2confusedgirl · Answer

Next time you see him, turn around and walk in the other direction. This isn't even about the slur, he is emotionally abusive and you don't need that in your life.