Ladies, is it a turn off if a guy can't stay hard but still can still make you orgasm?

[Anonymous]

New Year's Eve I hooked up with a chick I've been talking to for a couple weeks and we went back to her place after the party to fool around. We started off with a full body massage and that lead to a couple hours of fun foreplay discovering all the secrets to her body. I got her to squirt and orgasm with my oral and fingering and by the time I was done playing with her I was too tired to worry about my own pleasure and we both went to sleep. The next morning, New Years Day, we started fooling around again and after another couple hours of playing with her body I couldn't hold back and started to have sex. It was fine for the first 3-5 minutes of missionary but when I flipped her over to take her from behind my erection faded and I had to go back to using my fingers and tongue. Needless to say it was very frustrating but I still got her off so she at least had fun. Because we were having so much fun laying in bed together we ended up spending all day wrapped up in each others bodies and we got seriously intimate 2 more times and I tried having sex again but the same problem happened. She was fine riding me cow girl but as soon as she got tired and I put her on her back my erection died. Is it a turn off that we couldn't share passionate sex together? Would you mind if a guy couldn't stay hard for more than a couple minutes but could still make you come whenever he wanted to with his fingers and mouth?

[anniebannaney]

It all depends on her but personally I wouldn't really mind I don't think, but actual sex I think has much more connection and passion to it especially face to face. I definitely don't think she minded it at all ;). It sounds like this doesn't happen to you often so I wouldn't worry about it. If you want to change that you could try using a **** ring a regular one or vibrating. If your not into that you can do exercises in private to try to hold your erections when masturbating but without cumming. You are one of many guys this happens to and I think that it is great that you are so skilled and willing to get your women off in any way you can and that says a lot about you as a partner. link an exercise I looked up for you that may help. best of luck

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. Good to know my efforts were appreciated. I think it was mostly anxiety and the fact that I hadn't had sex in 11 months that was causing all the problems.

[Anonymous]

Actually that is not the only reason why men cannot maintain an erection. I have a partner I have been with for 6 years and we usually jump right into things and he goes down plenty of times during our intercourse. I would say this wouldn't be a deal breaker for me in the beginning...but after being with someone for a significant amount of time you're going to long for that full intimacy with them. Its only natural.

[Asker]

It's not the only reason but none of the other causes really apply to me. The anxiety is from my last encounter where I nutted too early and I've been masturbating almost every day since then. Sometimes I'll have to pull and squeeze pretty hard to really feel the pleasure if I do it too frequently.

[Asker]

Also, what do you mean by "goes down". He loses his erection multiple times or he performs oral on you? If he loses his erection how do you guys recover it so he can keep going again?

[Opinion Owner]

By "goes down" I mean he will be fully hard when I am sucking him off. Then out of no where, I get into a sexual position and he will lose his erection. Sometimes he is fully hard when he does enter me, but I can feel him losing that erection once again while in me. At first it was OK, but after years of dealing with it I am sexually frustrated although he has found other ways to get me off. I long for that intimacy. I usually finish him off by giving him a bj.

[Asker]

I'm sorry to hear that. The thing I have going with this chick is more a FWB since I leave for Korea in April and we both know a relationship is out of the question. Does he masturbate frequently? Sometimes you have to starve the lion before he'll come out to eat.

[Opinion Owner]

No, he doesn't :(. He's not very sexually active. I mean, since you and this girl are just messing around...and its nothing serious I don't think it would be a major problem. She is still getting satisfied. But if this were someone you would want to be with for a very long time, I can see how it can become one, because eventually she'd want full intercourse.

[Ingestmarley]

yes, I'm sorry to say but it is a turn off! I was once with a guy who did the same thing, I just ended up telling him that was tired and I drove him home. It makes us feel like we aren't attractive enough to get you up. Which in result is a turn off. Especially if you try and shove it in our mouth. Ew.

[Asker]

I never asked her to perform oral on me. I knew it wasn't her vagina that was broken and figured having her waste 20 minutes on a blow job wouldn't be any help either.

[MikeK]

Don't listen to ingestmarley - any woman who doesn't understand how difficult it is to maintain an erection isn't worth your time

[Asker]

Thanks MikeK. Women have it easy >.>

[kheserthorpe]

A lot of women don't understand - its safer to assume they don't, but would be willing to learn.