My girlfriend dumped me due to lack of quality sex

Question

I'm 26 she's 24 and we've been together for 3.5 years. She said one of the main reason she ended the relationship was because the sex was no longer good and not often enough. She actually cheated on me 2x before she actually dumped me and is now with the the guy she cheated on me with. Told me she loves me like a brother and not in love with me anymore. She proclaims that she wants to be free, wild, and make as many mistakes as she can. Her final words to me was that if you really love something, let it go, and if it comes back to you, its yours forever.

She was making plans for our future and all of this hit me like a ton of bricks. We were f**king like rabbits in our 1st year together and the passion just slowly dies down. I know that a lot of couples goes through the phase of the "spark" fading away, but I thought what we had transcended that because we truly loved each other.

Is sex really the driving force of a relationship?

I can live without her but its been rough. A very very small part of me want her back for reasons I don't understand. I've ignore the hell out of her since, but she's been trying to contact me again. What do I do?

Answer 1

littlemissy25

Xper 3

I don't think sex is the most important thing in a relationship but it does play a factor in the relationship. If the quality of the sex starts to fade or you stop doing it at all then things in the relationship will start to deteriorate. It sounds like you two had some communication issues and instead of her trying to talk things out with you she decided to cheat which is wrong. She made that decision and chose to be with this other guy I'm guessing for sexual reasons. She said she wants to be free and wild and do what she wants well it sounds like she got that. She doesn't sound like she wants a serious relationship right now and just wants to have fun. You shouldn't blame yourself for anything. She made her choice now she can stick with it. I'm sure this guy she's with isn't boyfriend material and most guys wouldn't commit to a girl who cheated on her boyfriend and will most likely do it to her. My advice to you is get on with your life. Its a good thing you found this out. Now you can be on your own and possibly meet someone whose better for you. Won't cheat on you, and will enjoy sex with you and talk things out with you if she has any concerns. Hope this helped.

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3 People

verbatim

+1 y
i know a lot of couples whose sex life goes down the toilet after the initial honeymoon phase where you can't keep your hands off each other. Its very noticeable too, since you were having sex maybe 3x every day to like once every 2 weeks. How do you keep your sex life from becoming dull?

Answer 2

verbatim

i know a lot of couples whose sex life goes down the toilet after the initial honeymoon phase where you can't keep your hands off each other. Its very noticeable too, since you were having sex maybe 3x every day to like once every 2 weeks. How do you keep your sex life from becoming dull?

Answer 3

udolipixie | 1.9K opinions shared on Sexual Health topic.

Guru

1. Is sex really the driving force of a relationship? Companionship, sex, and love are what make up a romantic relationship.

You're older than her so you probably have more sexual experience than her. You're also hitting middle age and she's young so while she's really experiencing the fly free syndrome of being tied down in a soul sucking relationship.

She's been with the same guy since she was 21 and the sexual relationship is clearly lacking so she wants to experience new guys rather than waste her youth and end up resenting you.

Would you remain in a sexless relationship, a relationship where the girl just lied there or where all sex was like a blow job where it was only pleasant stopping before it got pleasurable or anywhere near orgasm and there were only uncommon occurrences of it being pleasurable and even more rare it being orgasm inducing?

2. What do I do? Ignore her she cheated.

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5 People

Answer 4

Eiffelgirl21

Yoda

To me, it isn't. Sex means very little to me, period. And, only adds the sugar to the cake when it is good. I would just rather have a man that treats me the very best than have a man that has sex great. but, that is just me. Also, it takes two. Not just you to make the sex good. If the sex wasn't good, it was her part too. She cannot just expect you to do all the work and make it pleasurable. She sounds selfish to me. And, I think you can do so much better.

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6 People

knowmeyourself

+1 y
Beautiful answer. :) I agree.
Eiffelgirl21

+1 y
aww thank you, Sally. <3
martyfellow

+1 y
Ithink she just wanted some freedom, they had been exclusive since she was maybe 20..
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Eiffelgirl21

+1 y
Still sounds selfish. She should have never cheated.
kheserthorpe

+1 y
She shouldn't have cheated. She should have dumped him sooner.
Eiffelgirl21

+1 y
yes. exactly. Also, if you love someone, you shouldn't give up so easily..even if you get 'bored'. There should have been more communication. Not just a..cheat, then drop him.
Asker

+1 y
communication is exactly what this relationship lacked. In the end she told me that she tried to be someone she was not when she was with me and it made her unhappy. That by trying her best to make me happy she was suffering. I'm still trying to figure out what she meant.
Eiffelgirl21

+1 y
I think she stayed with you for so long because she was comfortable. And, I think you and her were not compatible..and this is why she was unhappy. She wanted what you didn't want. And, didn't want to voice her opinion because she was too comfortable for a break up.

Answer 5

knowmeyourself

Beautiful answer. :) I agree.

Answer 6

Eiffelgirl21

aww thank you, Sally. <3

Answer 7

martyfellow

Ithink she just wanted some freedom, they had been exclusive since she was maybe 20..

Answer 8

Eiffelgirl21

Still sounds selfish. She should have never cheated.

Answer 9

kheserthorpe

She shouldn't have cheated. She should have dumped him sooner.

Answer 10

Eiffelgirl21

yes. exactly. Also, if you love someone, you shouldn't give up so easily..even if you get 'bored'. There should have been more communication. Not just a..cheat, then drop him.

Answer 11

Asker

communication is exactly what this relationship lacked. In the end she told me that she tried to be someone she was not when she was with me and it made her unhappy. That by trying her best to make me happy she was suffering. I'm still trying to figure out what she meant.

Answer 12

Eiffelgirl21

I think she stayed with you for so long because she was comfortable. And, I think you and her were not compatible..and this is why she was unhappy. She wanted what you didn't want. And, didn't want to voice her opinion because she was too comfortable for a break up.

Answer 13

AltTech

Xper 4

For the love of god do NOT get back together with her. She cheated on you TWICE, and then, if that wasn't bad enough, threw it in your face when she left.

To make matters worse, she tried to string you along and put you on the backburner by giving you that bullsh*t line about loving something and letting it go. She made it clear she wants you to be the guy she ends up with in the long run, but she wants to sleep around and be a slut before that happens. That is utter crap, and she knows it too. You deserve far better than that.

A girl like her (notice I didn't say woman), will NEVER be satisfied. And she will resent you for that and blame you for her not being happy should you ever get back together.

Don't get back in touch with her. if anything, tell her you've moved on and you aren't interested in keeping in contact.

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9 People

verbatim

+1 y
once a cheater always a cheater, listen to this man.
Eiffelgirl21

+1 y
=/ yes I agree
Cptnjjim

+1 y
Well said sir bravo!
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biggestbossthusfar

+1 y
HELL YEAH PREACH IT BROTHER
Asker

+1 y
yea I hear ya, its just hard imagining life without her in it ever again.

Answer 14

verbatim

once a cheater always a cheater, listen to this man.

Answer 15

Eiffelgirl21

=/ yes I agree

Answer 16

Cptnjjim

Well said sir bravo!

Answer 17

biggestbossthusfar

HELL YEAH PREACH IT BROTHER

Answer 18

Asker

yea I hear ya, its just hard imagining life without her in it ever again.

Answer 19

martyfellow | 1.1K opinions shared on Sexual Health topic.

Master

Ithink she just wants to be free and she has been with you since she was not even 21. She wants to experiment, know other guys, have fun before settling down. I think the problem was being exclusive too young.

She made it clear she still likes you. I suspect she just saw too many Hollywood movies about sex and now that she knows it's not that important in a relationship, she's trying to get back together with you.

This happens a lot with the media images people identify with these days. I've heard many such stories, and I think if you don't hold a grudge against her, you can be back together, this time on a much more solid footing!

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4 People

AltTech

+1 y
You've been watching too many Hollywood movies if you think a second-run relationship like that would ever have a chance of working out.
martyfellow

+1 y
Hey, it happens a lot, I've seen it. If she's trying to contact me...she's the one who saw too many movies. Maybe she's learned her lesson.

It's not a sure thing, but it's worth him trying to find out!
AltTech

+1 y
No way, its not worth finding out, because it leads back to one place: disappointment. Regardless if she's "learned her lesson," there are consequences to actions, if someone cheats on me, I don't care how good of a person they are, the relationship is permanently ruined.
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verbatim

+1 y
if he does get back with her, he'll constantly be looking over his shoulders and wondering what's she's doing when she's not with him. He will never ever have 100% faith in her, and will probably end up cheating on her himself once he finds something better.

Answer 20

AltTech

You've been watching too many Hollywood movies if you think a second-run relationship like that would ever have a chance of working out.

Answer 21

martyfellow

Hey, it happens a lot, I've seen it. If she's trying to contact me...she's the one who saw too many movies. Maybe she's learned her lesson.

It's not a sure thing, but it's worth him trying to find out!

Answer 22

AltTech

No way, its not worth finding out, because it leads back to one place: disappointment. Regardless if she's "learned her lesson," there are consequences to actions, if someone cheats on me, I don't care how good of a person they are, the relationship is permanently ruined.

Answer 23

verbatim

if he does get back with her, he'll constantly be looking over his shoulders and wondering what's she's doing when she's not with him. He will never ever have 100% faith in her, and will probably end up cheating on her himself once he finds something better.

Answer 24

Coffinspire | 272 opinions shared on Sexual Health topic.

Explorer

Me and my boyfriend almost broke up over this. Sex really is THAT important to us (it depends on the girl some don't care) But for me personally it's my way of showing affection and when I'm satisfied I'm completely in love with my other. When I get 5 minutes and don't even get off, yeah we're going to get mad because we just wasted our time on something we didn't get anything out of.

Also, being sexually frustrated isn't exactly the best feeling in the world. I know personally when me and my boyfriend went through tough times and our sex life was strained, I was anything but happy with our relationship. You get irritable, you have all this sexual energy that you can do anything with because your other isn't giving you what you need.

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5 People

verbatim

+1 y
how long were you guys together for?
AltTech

+1 y
"and when I'm satisfied I'm completely in love with my other"

That's lust, not love. A relationship can survive on lust alone, but not for an extended period of time. If your boyfriend lost his legs and couldn't ever have sex again, you'd dump him in a heartbeat.
Coffinspire

+1 y
We've been together for 2 years, lived together for a year and a half and are still madly in love. I wouldn't dump him even if he was mangled from the waist down but sex is a big part of being intimate with each other. I wouldn't have been with him 2 years and counting just for lust. I wouldn't have cleaned up his vomit and shower him after a drunken night if I didn't love him. I was just stating how I feel post sex, not that I don't love him all of the time.

Answer 25

verbatim

how long were you guys together for?

Answer 26

AltTech

"and when I'm satisfied I'm completely in love with my other"

That's lust, not love. A relationship can survive on lust alone, but not for an extended period of time. If your boyfriend lost his legs and couldn't ever have sex again, you'd dump him in a heartbeat.

Answer 27

Coffinspire

We've been together for 2 years, lived together for a year and a half and are still madly in love. I wouldn't dump him even if he was mangled from the waist down but sex is a big part of being intimate with each other. I wouldn't have been with him 2 years and counting just for lust. I wouldn't have cleaned up his vomit and shower him after a drunken night if I didn't love him. I was just stating how I feel post sex, not that I don't love him all of the time.

Answer 28

MissAndee

Xper 4

Sex is important, no its not the only thing but it is one of the most important in the foundation of your relationship or yes you will get the exact results you got. Cheating. I would keep moving forward, there's not much to talk about she made her decision.

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4 People

Asker

+1 y
she has always depended on me for any decision she has to make, guess the only decision that really mattered she made by herself.

Answer 29

Asker

she has always depended on me for any decision she has to make, guess the only decision that really mattered she made by herself.

Answer 30

DebiPie

Xper 6

Let it go, she cheated twice. Stats show once a person cheats it's easier to cheat again, which she did. If you were to get back together, she'd do it again. You are only feeling the need to get her back to "win." Because you lost to another guy & now is your chance to get her back. Forget it. She isn't a "prize."

You know this.

Go forward & don't look back. Find a woman who you deserve.

Good luck, my friend.

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3 People

Asker

+1 y
yea I hear what you're saying and I think that is what I'm feeling to some degree, "getting back what's mine". Nevertheless, I don't even think its possible for us to get back even if we tried,. there's just too many people we know what she has done, and her coming back into my life would because a lot of "talk". We would constantly be judged by mutual friends and family; pity towards me and negativity towards her.

Answer 31

Asker

yea I hear what you're saying and I think that is what I'm feeling to some degree, "getting back what's mine". Nevertheless, I don't even think its possible for us to get back even if we tried,. there's just too many people we know what she has done, and her coming back into my life would because a lot of "talk". We would constantly be judged by mutual friends and family; pity towards me and negativity towards her.

Answer 32

Ainani

Xper 5

talk to her.. and to answer you question yes sex is one part of the driving force. sex and the passion in a relationship is like having an eternal connection with someone.. (for some ). As for the lack of passion or there are many many many ways to spice up your sex life.. take a chance that leap of faith and talk to her apparently she feels as if she was wrong or he would not have tried to contact you ..

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3 People

verbatim

+1 y
i would have to disagree. The moment he open contact with her, he will validate to her that she is not a monster for doing what she did, and that he is still hung up on her. After she has gotten her validation and feels better about herself, she will disappear leaving him with more questions and doubts. Unless she starts moving mountains and crawling over broken glass to get back to him, he should put her on his permanent ignore list!
Ainani

+1 y
yea that is an on the contrary ; however everyone deserves a another chance. I'm not saying that he should open his heart and let her walk in.. you never know what would happen. All I'm saying give her a chance, but... BUT... also feed her with a long wooden spoon. like probation or lay down how you feel although she's there you have to make me trust you again. you know... and if all else fails the I would take your approach to it..
Asker

+1 y
i wouldn't even know how to respond when all I feel is betrayal. what would I even say?

Answer 33

verbatim

i would have to disagree. The moment he open contact with her, he will validate to her that she is not a monster for doing what she did, and that he is still hung up on her. After she has gotten her validation and feels better about herself, she will disappear leaving him with more questions and doubts. Unless she starts moving mountains and crawling over broken glass to get back to him, he should put her on his permanent ignore list!

Answer 34

Ainani

yea that is an on the contrary ; however everyone deserves a another chance. I'm not saying that he should open his heart and let her walk in.. you never know what would happen. All I'm saying give her a chance, but... BUT... also feed her with a long wooden spoon. like probation or lay down how you feel although she's there you have to make me trust you again. you know... and if all else fails the I would take your approach to it..

Answer 35

Asker

i wouldn't even know how to respond when all I feel is betrayal. what would I even say?

Answer 36

rickyjoebobby

Xper 5

Woow, I can't imagine being with someone that long and telling her "I love you like a sister, sorry I've been f***ing another woman!"

I know you must feel crushed by this but pick yourself up and seriously move on from her forever. I'd never contact her again unless I legally had to. She doesn't deserve to even speak to you.

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4 People

Answer 37

verbatim

Xper 5

I'm still wondering that myself. Women are fickle creatures who can't really think for themselves. People, media, friends, and sh*t they read online influence them to think and do really stupid things. Not trying to sound sexist but that is what I've seen.

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5 People

Eiffelgirl21

+1 y
LOL! I know. My boyfriend always gets mad at me for reading stuff about stuff on the internet! lol. But, I do not think I am fickle though. Nothing really influences me..I just tend to get insecure by the media.

Answer 38

Eiffelgirl21

LOL! I know. My boyfriend always gets mad at me for reading stuff about stuff on the internet! lol. But, I do not think I am fickle though. Nothing really influences me..I just tend to get insecure by the media.

Answer 39

CindiluvsFriends | 379 opinions shared on Sexual Health topic.

Yoda

Boy does she sound like a winner. Sex isn't everything and it sounds to me like she was using the sex card to so she can move on to the next guy:/

Move on and forget about her. Don't even talk to her because it'll just be harder.

Good luck and don't worry-you'll be ok:)

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3 People

Answer 40

biggestbossthusfar

Xper 4

Man the bitch is a tramp, I wouldn't give her the time of day TELL HER to TAKE A GOOD LOOK At HER BIGGEST MISTAKE SHE WILL EVER MAKE WALK AWAY ! There is so much more to a relationship than sex . There is a thing called loyalty, commitment, TRUST AND APPARENTLY SHE HAS NONE OF THOSE THINGS

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2 People

Answer 41

Anonymous

Her final words are kind of amusing. She's basically saying let her go, get satisfied by all the d*ck she can suck or f*ck, and THEN, if you're lucky, she'll come back.

You do NOT want this my friend. Go show some other, more worthy girl how well you can f*ck.

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3 People

Answer 42

starlight124 | 879 opinions shared on Sexual Health topic.

Guru

Sex isn't the main thing in a relationship. That girl sounds horrible! Move on and find a girl who will appreciate you and love you; not cheat on you. Good luck, hope all goes well :)

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4 People

Answer 43

rachel05 | 247 opinions shared on Sexual Health topic.

Explorer

wow.. no offense but she sounds awful.. and totally not worth your love and affection.. my advice would be to move on and find someone who's better deserving.. no sex shouldn't be the driving force..

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3 People

Answer 44

kheserthorpe

Master

You weren't compatible. Move on. She probably should have moved on sooner.

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2 People

Answer 45

Anonymous

If she's contacted you, go for it. Start your relationship back up, then DUMP THAT B*TCH.

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6 People

Answer 46

Anonymous

Well that's kinda what you get when you get a girlfriend more interested in sex than you

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2 People

My girlfriend dumped me due to lack of quality sex

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