Boyfriend went limp during sex, help!

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I were making love last night, he said he was turned on pretty bad. While he was almost about to cum, he went completely soft... This has happened before when he is extremely tired or doesn't feel good. I asked him if it was me, and he said absolutely not. He reassured to me that he wanted me so badly and that he loves me... if he didn't love me, he wouldn't of made love to me. I don't understand why this happened? Has anyone else gone through this before?

[MrOracle]

This happens to every guy once in a while.

Even though it's true that sex is more "mechanical" for guys compared to girls, there is still a "mental" component for guys. And if a guy is stressed or tired or nervous, or on certain medications, his libido will be affected.

In order to perform, a guy has to be relaxed, but when you are stressed, you aren't relaxed, and when you are tired, you have to stress and strain to keep yourself awake and going. And if you are nervous, you also feel that stress. During those times, your body's defensive mechanisms take over and redirect blood flow, and you can't really help it.

But so many girls take this personally. Guys don't suddenly stop finding their girlfriend attractive; that simply doesn't happen. If he found you attractive last night, or last week, that hasn't changed tonight, I assure you, unless you killed his dog or he came home to you banging his best friend or something.

No, this is all about HIM. His body isn't working in a normal, healthy, relaxed way, and that affects his ability (not his DESIRE) to perform. Be understanding, and maybe even try to help him recover (i.e., let him sleep/rest, if he's sick, get him some meds or soup, etc.), and soon he's going to be right back to ravishing you again. And then you'll be complaining about being sore from a whole weekend of sex!

[Cryostatic]

Well, I've never really gone ~limp~, but when I get really, really drunk, I sometimes have a hard time getting off. It's like you keep getting ~almost~ there, and then it's gone, and I suppose after awhile of that happening, you just start to get exhausted.

I usually just stop bothering to try once I put together that I'm not going to get off, and break out the toys. She prefers getting off from me, but the rabbit does it faster, especially if she's drunk too.

Now, if you were both completely sober at the time, then I don't know. Maybe he's stressed about something else.

[Asker]

I really think he's mentally tired. He has been studying a lot, wrestling meets, just a lot of stuff going on. I eventually got him off when we weren't have sex, but it took a long time..

[l-hedoniste]

"This has happened before when he is extremely tired or doesn't feel good."

Totally common, totally normal. No mystery here.

[Anonymous]

There's a plateau of energy you have to get over before you can orgasm, and if you're too tired or stressed out, sometimes you just don't have enough energy to get there.

Please don't turn it into a big deal by letting it make you feel insecure. It's awesome when a girl understands.

[Anonymous]

It happens sometimes and is usually never the girls fault.

Could be stress, could be that he thought he was coming too soon for you and tried to hold back and lost it... the penis can be a finicky thing. The best thing you can do is not make him feel bad. Be sexy and don't spend your time drawing attention to it, or he'll probably just worry about it the next time and could make it worse. Just give him some sexy attention and it'll pass.

[Anonymous]

The one thing a guy NEVER wants to hear, when he goes unexpectedly limp, is for the girl to bring everything back to her and start saying "Is it me?" or "Are you not attracted to me anymore?"

It's the one time in the world when the last thing on his mind, is having to reassure your insecure ass.

Just once in your life, can you have something NOT be about you?

[Asker]

Then how am I suppose to know if he's not attracted to me anymore? How would you feel if you couldn't get a girl off? Then imagine how I feel not being able to get my man off...

[Opinion Owner]

Many girls frequently can't have an orgasm during sex with a guy. I don't start crying over it and asking her "Is it me? Are you not attracted to me anymore?" because I know a little about female anatomy. This is your opportunity to learn about male sexuality. Erections have nothing to do witih you. They can happen spontaneously. They can die spontaneously. When he's not attracted to you anymore, he won't even try to have sex with you. You'll know.

[Asker]

Very true, thank-you!