I'm a prude... is it true that no guy will want to stay with me because of it?

[Anonymous]

I am not very sexually open, it makes me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. I am very limited to what I would do with a boyfriend... I don't want to do anything kinky, like oral sex and multiple positions. If we had sex, I would want to do it in the dark and in a bed. It would have to be kept very private, I don't want anyone to find out about it. why do men want so much variety with sex? is it because they watch p*rn? It makes me sad that I will probably never find someone to get married to just because they are all so demanding sexually :(

[Anonymous]

Let me tell you, my girlfriend of just over a year is a prude but in a different sense, like she enjoys it and lets me do whatever pretty much but thats just it, she almost literally does NOTHING!! She will lay there getting all pissy n upset because i haven't engaged her, why couldnt she just engage it? No she will literally lay there getting so frusterated until she just "takes a shower" or goes to sleep, its ridiculous, i mean its been well over a year and i still have to make every single move? Like does she not know that in order for me to want to have sex i need to be aroused? I can't just be like, oh she wants sex i think "weiner ON!"... Like if she wants to thats all perfectly fine, but dont expect me to force myself to get into the mood with no help AT ALL! then even when we do have sex she literally once again does NOTHING!! Just lays there, i move her this way, that way but she does nothing, i may aswell be doing it with a sex doll i mean my god, she's a good person and everything but im so fed up with this, its like i have to cut sex completely out of my life because its not even enjoyable, we will go days and days and days without it because i just dont feel like working myself up to have some crummy sex anymore, and her little comments only make me never want to ever again, like really? You think were not doing it because all of a sudden im like gay or something? And she hints these remarks aswell because lord forbid she has anything to do with sex, even talk about it, bottom line, i care for her but this has led me to grow to just really dislike her, like she angrivates me, everytime i try n leave her she cries and me being the nice guy i am i can't help but to comfort her but then im stuck right back in this unfulfilling relationship once again, its actually caused me to spiral into a deep depression because i can't break free, im trapped by my kindness and caring nature but at what point does my wants and feeling matter? So dont mean to steal this thread but any suggestions would be greatly helpfull because i just feel so helpless here.. Thank you.

[indy7]

Yes, it's true, no guy wanting sex would stay with you. Perhaps you can find a guy or a girl who's not interested in sex; like my wife, for example. She's a total prude now, just like you, and it SUCKS! She didn't like "kinky" either, although she didn't consider oral as kinky. At least that one wasn't on her list. Calling oral kinky, in my opinion, is just bizarre. She only allowed us 3 positions. Now it's none.

Men don't want such a variety with sex because of p*rn! Are you warped? Men and women have been enjoying sex together for centuries, long before p*rn movies were invented. Women really enjoy having sex too ya' know. Men aren't "all so" demanding sexually. You just happen to be one who's not willing to give ANYTHING so it seems demanding. I know because my wife is the same way.

You have major issues. If you're sad then I'm sorry. Perhaps there's some guy out there with a low libido looking for a prude like you, and the two of you can spend blissful nights together cuddling in the dark. But please don't be calling us sex maniacs when it's women like you and the one I married who aren't willing to recognize the fact that it's US that are the NORMAL ones, and we're simply trying live happy fulfulling sex lives until the day we die.

[Asker]

Why is it bizarre that I think oral sex is kinky? Sucking on genitals is pretty disgusting in my opinion, the mouth isn't made to fit a penis in it. Its not natural to open your mouth that wide.

[indy7]

Holy crap. Has a doctor ever seen your tonsils? Do you only eat liquid meals through straws? Have you ever French kissed a guy, or is that too kinky for you too? Personally I don?t find any part of the human body disgusting, particularly a woman's. I truly enjoy pleasing my partner anyway she wants to be pleased. I think a lot of women would disagree with you it?s apparently quite natural to open their mouths wide enough to fit a penis in it, sometimes even two.

[Shrinjay]

You, sir, are disgusting. Oral sex, I'm not saying it is fully unnatural. It is animal nature to explore things by putting them in their mouth, this is why babies put stuff in their mouth. In the end, Oral sex is not something humans are DESIGNED for but is rather a result of our animal nature. You sill have the old animal and early human thinking of, MORE SEX=MORE HAPPINESS, the sex maniacs therefore can be considered, not average as they haven't caught up to the rest of society. Before you start going "YOU HAVE NO HOROMONES", I do, I like girls, I just repress it. Now, if a guy leaves someone because they aren't getting enough it. You make sex and kissing seem like a mandatory thing, it's not just you, it's all the people with the same thought pattern. Now, in grade 8, with me, 70% of the guys are dating, many have kissed, why? The thought that "everyone should do it:. Learn that sex and kissing is a cherished thing, that is up to personal opinion

[Anonymous]

I think for a while I was in the same boat as you. Not interested in sex at all, thought it was an impure thing, thought of it as embarrassing, but I think you just haven't found the person you really want to have sex with - because if you have, then everything pretty much changes. I think the way you're going about it is sex with men in general, but if you're in a good relationship with someone you care about, sex will come very naturally. You'll WANT to do it with this special person, instead of being afraid it'll shatter your "innocent image" or be something bad. We're humans, and sex is part of our nature. :) It's not something to be ashamed of at all.

[Anonymous]

I personally think you're the one who needs to do some thinking and changing perhaps. Normal sex gets boring just like doing the same routine everyday gets boring. You have to mix it up to keep yourself interested in what you're doing. You don't have to all of a sudden one day say that you're going to do oral and anal and whatever else, but you can take it slow, doing what you're comfortable with as time progresses. If you're not willing to try new things, guys are obviously not going to like that. But would you feel happy to doing the same things all the time with no spice too? Sex would become a drag for me if I didn't change things up.

[Asker]

but I'm not interested in sex.

[rudy37lee]

If a man felt this way, I would not date him. Where's the fun? Where's the passion? The way you speak about it makes me believe you have some very deep routed issues that you need to come to terms with before getting into a relationship. It would be unfair to ask someone to have that kind of life style.

[Asker]

sex isn't fun to me. It makes me feel embarrassed.

[rudy37lee]

The way you feel about sex is not typical. Recently I saw a male that posted a question, wondering if there were any women out there who would date a guy who wanted to practice abstinence his entire life. If you are set on not having an active sex life, it is going to severely limit your dating pool. However, his question is proof, that there are like minded people out there. I would hope that you and your partner would be close enough that you wouldn't be embarrasssed with him.

[popsilicious]

sex is neither embarrassing nor degrading ... it is the physical expression of your relationship and if it's with the right person who takes you for who you are ... then it's beautiful ... you can't have met the right person cos when you are with someone you physically desire/love all you want to do is make them happy in anyway you possibly can and that includes sex

[yopyopyop]

If sex, for you, is limited to missionary position, in the dark, without playing, I can tell you, even if you were the most beautiful girl in the world, I wouldn't stay with you.

[Asker]

why? do you think sex is more important than anything else?

[yopyopyop]

Sex is the private expression of the relationship. It's a game between two persons that want to be one. A union of the minds. If nothing interesting happens in bed, if there is no desire (because that's what it's about), then there is no need to get involved. I can tell you that a blow job is definitely not kinky. Actually, if I told you what kinky is, I'm pretty sure you'd faint, considering your state of mind.

[Prof_Don]

She probably would faint lmao

[dnately]

It is not true. I'm sure there are guys out there who feel the same way as you. You just need to keep looking until you find one.

[pepper01]

wow you really are a prude. if you don't experiment with yourself and your body than you will NOT get pleasure or know what feels good because you will never try! someone will marry you but you have to find a guy just like you who doesn't want those things otherwise it won't work out. sex is supposed to be fun. being a prude just makes you less relaxed and less relaxed means less posibility of orgasm

[Cryostatic]

My girlfriend gets very turned on by rough sex. She loves it when I just dominate her. For her, I keep myself in shape so I can toss her around a bit. This doesn't really turn me on, personally. I prefer taking things slow and passionate. I do what she wants me to do in bed because I know it pleases her. And she does things that please me in turn.

You, however, are not interested in pleasing your partner. All you care about is staying in your comfort zone. If I were with somebody like you, I'd eventually leave too, because I'd realize that the only person YOU care about is you, and a partnership requires mutual respect and compromise.

[Prof_Don]

Well said. Thumb-up #4 for you.

[leximarie]

This is BA in my opinion

[ssssh]

I agree entirely.

[EngineeringStudent]

No oral? Okay. Sticking to a single position? Come on. That would probably to a deal breaker to most guys. I don't really see wanting multiple positions as demanding. I mean, I would understand if it was something like tying up or BDSM. Something like "Hey, why don't you be on top" or "Let's do doggystyle" isn't really asking for much.

Based off of what I've read, you seem asexual. Your best bet would be to find someone else that is asexual. It's not really all that common, but they're out there.

[Asker]

I think oral is gross and it would probably hurt me anyway. so no, I don't want to do it. Multiple positions is demanding, if the girl isn't comfortable with it... I wouldn't want to go on top because I would be embarrassed.. and doggy is just degrading in my opinion... I'm not a dog.

[EngineeringStudent]

Yep, like I said, you're going to have to find someone else that just isn't that into sex. You wouldn't be compatible with someone that is.

[Prof_Don]

QA...take this guy's advice. This is how you find someone as compatible as possible with you.

[Cryostatic]

Him wanting to defecate on you would be degrading. Wanting to engage in sex from a rear-entry position (colloquially, doggystyle) is not. Oftentimes, people prefer different sexual positions simply because those positions feel better. I know more than one girl who prefers to have sex from a rear-entry position because that's the only way they've been able to orgasm during intercourse. Ultimately, your attitude is likely to prevent you from experiencing whole worlds of pleasure.

[Asker]

I don't see how doggy would feel nice for a women. I know the man would like it. But a woman's sexual anatomy is at the front of her not back.

[EngineeringStudent]

Deeper penetration. If they didn't like it, it wouldn't be so popular.

[BackAgain]

Good to know oral isn't a deal breaker Ya 1 position is a little ridiculous, like 1 person can't Always be on top

[0ddjob]

1. Personally, this would be a show-stopper for me.

I could not sign on for a lifetime of sex only under

conditions you describe.

Somebody will, though.

2. If you were ever to get pregnant, pretty much everyone

who sees you will know that you had sex at some

point.

3. The need/desire for variety is programmed into us

at the genetic level. P*rn is a reflection of the male

imagination. Not vice-versa.

[Asker]

you don't have to have sex to get pregnant these days.

[0ddjob]

Straight answer: That's true. But the vast majority of pregnancies still begin that way. And everyone would assume the pregnancy began with sex in the absence of evidence to the contrary. Smart-ass answer: Sex is a pre-requisite for pregnancy. You have to have sex. And that sex must be female.

[taster]

You would not have to give me oral...but I would expect to give you oral and yes that is extremely important to me.

[Asker]

I wouldn't want it. why is it important?

[taster]

Because that is a major fixation of mine..I quit seeing a couple of females over that

[Asker]

that means your relationships were based on sex. other things should be more important...

[taster]

all of it is important...personality compatability is probably most important but sexual compatability is right behind it..and remember..males are usually initially attracted to females based on her looks...you will have to argue with Mother Nature or your God about that one...(:

[Prof_Don]

Let me ask an important question for you:

Do you find men physically attractive?

[Asker]

Yes but I have very high standards. Most adverage men aren't attractive to me.

[Prof_Don]

If you're not into sex...then how are you physically attracted to guys? Physical attraction is rooted in desire for SEX...which you say in your words that you don't want. Something doesn't add up.

[Asker]

I can appreciate if someone is good looking. Doesn't mean I want to have sex with them. I don't think women get horny just by looking at someone. We are not the same as men.

[noemiSlee]

i think you're asexual. i thought i was a little bit of a prude but you surprised me. have you ever gone to see an specialist? i mean, a psychologist, a psychiatric, psychoanalyst? i think it would be very helpful.

[Anonymous]

You chances if finding a guy that will be satisfied with you are very small so please take my advice. I've had a very healthy sexual relationship with a prude girl.

To address your problem you first need to understand yourself better. Being prude is anxiety related. Being prude is not a personal preference. There's some positions I don't like in bed cause they just don't feel good, that's personal preference. There's some crazy positions in bed I can think of I won't do because they would make me very uncomfortable, that is anxiety. A personal prefence you probably can't ever change (like preferring apples over oranges), anxiety pretty much anyone can change given some effort.

So I would put my focus onto that, how can I change my prudishness. Trust me, it won't only make your guy happier, it will make you happier as well. What you need is a guy who understands how you feel so that the first times you have sex everything can go according to how you like it (as described in your post). However, over time as you get more comfortable you must slowly introduce new stuff that you'd probably enjoy. Try a few candlelights to progress towards having the lights on. Try kissing his belly, maybe a kiss a bit lower to progress towards blowjobs. Small steps, accept that your anxious about it, and the anxiety will quickly fly away.

Taking small steps I progressed with a girl with similar needs than you (one position, in the dark, nothing more) over about one year time to doing all kinds of positions within our personal preferences, oral sex, 69 and even some kinky stuff I won't tell here. I never forced her, I understood how she felt so we took it slow, and she was willing to work on her anxiety. We had a great sex life for years and in the end she would be the one asking for stuff as much as me.

Treat anxiety as anxiety, something you can change for the better and will make you very happy once you overcome it.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

link

[Anonymous]

Felt. My guy friends call me a prude and virgin for life all the time. I'm just not open to being that vulnerable I guess.You are not alone, I know exactly how you feel!

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's true. And p*rn has nothing to do with it.

If you're the sort of person who thinks oral sex is kinky, you're out of step with most of humanity.

And as for not wanting people to find out about it... that's just a bizarre insecurity. Most people don't care about your sex life, but would assume you're having sex in a relationship.

This fear you have, is irrational, and indicates you have some unresolved issues that you need to deal with.

[Asker]

well the penis isn't made to fit in a mouth. so it is kinky to me. why is it bizarre that I don't want anyone to know? it's personal & very private. It's no one elses business. I would be embarrassed if anyone knew about me having sex. I have always been they shy innocent girl, people will think differently of me.

[Opinion Owner]

The penis is made to fit in the mouth. Even animals do it. It's instinctual. It's bizarre because sex is a normal activity for adults. It's bizarre, because it's like being worried that people will know you defecate. It's a bodily function. Personal, sure. Private, yeah. But nothing to be embarassed about. The shame you're feeling is indicative of some unresolved issues a good therapist could help you with.

[Asker]

no it's not. my mouth wouldn't be big enough. I know it's a normal activity... but it's a choice.. adults don't have to do it, and not everyone does it.

[Opinion Owner]

You're deluding yourself. Unless you have the worlds tiniest mouth, it'd be big enough. And yes it's a choice. So is eating. So is sleeping. We choose when and where we do these things, and we make the choices that will increase our pleasure. Same with sex. We choose partner, location, method, etc.. in the way that makes most pleasurable sense to us. None of this addresses the simple fact that you clearly have issues which a professional could help you with. Listen to the users here. Get help.

[Cryostatic]

If a penis wouldn't fit in your mouth, then you've either got some sort of genetic mouth defect, or you're trying to blow a horse.

[Opinion Owner]

@CRyostatic - Good point, sir. The human mouth can fit a variety of massive members from the animal kingdom. I've seen the videos that prove it.

[Asker]

well I'm a small girl... so it probably is smaller then normal and my jaw won't open very wide if I ever did give oral I'm sure my teeth would cut him. I can not afford to get counselling. I'd be too embarrassed even if I did have money to talk to one.

[Opinion Owner]

Even with smaller girls, it's never been an issue. I dated a girl who was about 5 foot tall. Never had an issue. And you don't have to insert the penis in the mouth if that's seriously an issue. You can extend your tongue and just lick the sensitive parts. But that's neither here nor there really. Many places offer free counselling, because it's not always the rich who have issues. And if you'd be too embarassed to even talk to a doctor, does that not tell you that you clearly DO have issues?

[Opinion Owner]

If you can tell us roughly where you're from, I can probably find you a free counselling service.

[Asker]

I have tmj in my jaw so it doesn't open as wide as most people can and it hurts. I don't want to talk to a doctor about it because why is it such an issue? if guys think sex is the most important thing then I don't want to be with them anyway.

[Opinion Owner]

Have you not been listening to a word I've said? Or anyone else here? It has nothing to do with the importance men place on sex. This is about your irrational unnatural embarassment and shame for a basic human act. You have issues hun. Serious issues - and they are affecting your life because they are clearly limiting the choices available to you. And you already admitted it's not about *wanting* to talk to a doctor. You already admitted you *couldn't*. You need help. Professional help.

[Asker]

It's okay that it's limiting my life.. will just stay single unless I can fine someone who doesn't like sex. I've been alone all my life so I'm used to it anyway.

[Opinion Owner]

That's like an agoraphobic saying it's okay to spend all day everyday at home, because they're used to it. It's just sad. I hope you change your mind soon, and get help sooner rather than later. If you had sought help for this condition when you were younger, you wouldn't be in this mess now. And the longer you leave it, the harder it will be to fix. I'm sure you're a nice person really. It's just a shame no one else is going to find that out.

[Asker]

im not as old as my profile says.

[Opinion Owner]

All the more reason then that you should address this when you're young, and you are not dealing with life-long habits that are too engrained to be easily changed.

[Asker]

so your saying I have to learn to be sexually open and learn to like degrading things? just to please a man?

[Opinion Owner]

Are you willfully trying to misunderstand everything I said? Because if you are just trolling for the fun of it, I really have better things to be doing with my time. That wasn't what I said at all. I'll repeat myself, though I hate doing that when there's only 500 characters allowed in a response : "This is about your irrational unnatural embarassment and shame for a basic human act." This has nothing to do with you having a low sex drive. Or a non existant one. It goes *deeper* than that.

[Asker]

heaps of people are embarrassed by sex. I don't think I should get help just because of that. I just won't have sex, simple.

[Opinion Owner]

You're wrong, but you're obviously not willing to seek the appropriate help yet. Like alcoholism or something, the first step will be your ability to admit you have a problem. There are not "heaps of people" so embarassed by sex that they can't talk to a doctor. There are not "heaps of people" so embarassed by sex that they can't function as normal people in the dating world. One day you might be ready to admit that to yourself, but obviously it won't be today.

[Anonymous]

Why does sex make you feel embarrassed and uncomfortable? Do you have some serious body issues? If so, what are they?

Men like sexual variety for the same reason women like it. It can be fun!

Why is it that you want to be so limited sexually? Have you ever asked yourself what the root cause of that is? You might even learn to like new moves in the bedroom or leave the light on.

Why do you feel this way?

[Asker]

I have a few body issues. But it's mainly because sex is such an animalistic act and people loose self control, and are naked... and it's just weird. I don't think sex is fun...

[Opinion Owner]

What are your body issues? Details would be helpful. If you explain them, perhaps there are ways you can overcome them? Loosing a certain amount of control is what makes sex fun. It is called passion. It doesn't mean that a guy is going to jam a baseball bat up your rear end and ask you to find that acceptable. Of course, everything within reason. We were all born naked into this world, what's so weird about that? You posted anon, were you abused before? Sex should be fun. Why so sad?

[Asker]

why does it matter what my body issues are? I don't want to loose control of my body I don't think that would be fun, it would be embarrassing. I know we were born naked, but we wear clothes all our lives and it's inappropriate to be naked.

[Opinion Owner]

It matters because if you don't make a stronger attempt to deal with them, you're going to alienate 95% of men. Men are sexual creatures and our long-term happiness in a marriage is based to a considerable degree on sexual fulfillment. You wouldn't want a man looking elsewhere for excitement would you? What do you mean by "loose control"? Afraid you might have an orgasm? Sex is a messy thing, that's why you change the sheets afterward. Once again, what are your body issues?

[Asker]

I have skinny arms and legs (no muscular tone to them), a saggy bum, small hips, cellulite, stretch marks on my legs, bum and boobs, small boobs that aren't the same size, very large labia minora that pokes out and looks saggy.

[Opinion Owner]

Skinny arms and legs, no harm in that, far better to have that than really chunky ones. A saggy bum and cellulite, you're in your 30's, just about everyone in that age range isn't tight like a teenager. As for stretch marks, I have plenty of them from growth spurts when I grew 3" one year in high school. Virtually all humans have at least a few stretch marks. One of my ex-gf's had your type of boobs. I showed them lots of love. Never was a problem. Your lips down there are beautiful. :)

[Asker]

im not in my 30's. I stuffed up my profile when I joined, I'll be 22 this year.

[Opinion Owner]

Just reading your other comments to the other answers, I think you may want to seek out an a-sexual dating community. Your other option would to be date much, much older men. Men that are over their sexual prime, but still would like female companionship. Short of seeking out professional help to cope with your issues, your only other option is to stay single. Of all of the above, which sounds best for you?

[Asker]

stay single. why would I date an old man? that's gross. and you didn't say anything about my body issues now that you know I'm not 30. It's not normal for a small (im only 50kgs) 22 year old to have a saggy bum is it?

[Opinion Owner]

Dear, you have a lot of body issues. If I was to stack you up against 9 other naked women in a lineup, you'd probably look more or less like at least 3 or 4 other women. You aren't a ogre that can't be seen except with a blindfold on. That being said, your fears, however exaggerated to a man (who will be more forgiving than you are, if he sees you naked) are still very real in your mind. Why not seek out free help, as another commenter suggested. Counseling is NOT just for the rich.