Some guy sent my girlfriend a nude picture. What to do?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my girlfriend Sarah for 6 months. We both agree this is the most loving and caring relationship we've ever been in. We are both 24 and have discussed marriage, kids, etc. The other night while we were making dinner her photo went off and I went to grab it to give it to her. I noticed it was a text photo from some guy (he was naked) and I immediately asked her what was up. Apparently they hooked up a few years ago and the last time he texted her was right after we started dating. Sarah told him she was not interested and had a serious boyfriend (me). I assumed that he was just horny, trying to hook up with her and I thought nothing of it. She wrote back saying she had a boyfriend, to stop texting him, etc. Although I was mad this happened I wasn't really mad at her. I thought he just sent it randomly. But after thinking more about it I told her I was upset and I needed some reassurance. She showed me her texts to confirm this because she thought it would make me feel better. Basically, he texted her and she ended up saying "I was thinking about you the day." He also said he missed her pics (apparently she used to send nude pictures to him back in the day) and she replied "aw, sorry." They just made small talk for a few minutes before he sent the picture. She never asked to send the picture or said she'd send one back. She claims this dude is just a friend, but I am not stupid and he clearly is just trying to get with her all the time. So why doesn't she just ignore him or say "I have a boyfriend" as soon as he texts her. They sent a few texts back and forth before he sent that picture. After he sent it she did tell him to stop, but this really bothers me. She basically says she did nothing wrong and there is nothing else to do. Am I overreacting? What should I do? Thanks!

[confusedgirl239]

I mean, overreacting, no. Confused, yes. I would be too because I would be thinking, "uhm, why is he sending her a picture without any prompting from her. Do people really do that?" She was probably just trying to be nice to the guy and not completely write him off that he was trying to pursue her again, which is why upon first text she did not just say, I have a boyfriend. But she did text aww sorry. Which is good, because its a short messege that the other guy will have to make the reply to, not her. like he will have to make the effort to talk because aww sorry could very well be the end of a conversation if the other person doesn't make something new to say. Am I making sense? She probably thought the small talk was harmless. She's not going to be rude to this guy if she doesn't think she has to. With all that said, I think the best thing to do is talk about it with her. If you're in a serious relationship like it sounds like you are, you should be able to talk about anything. I'm guessing that what you really want from her is to say that she won't talk to him again, which is a good idea. But I wouldn't try to drive that out of her. I think for this really to be successful, she needs to be on the same page as you, which means not wanting to talk to him again. You could tell her that you think that he just wants to get with her. If you do talk to her, just try not to make her feel attacked, because I really think that she had no intention of anything happening with him.

[Anonymous]

Girls try hard to not hurt people's feelings, even when they display bad behavior. We also strongly, strongly value friendships ... even when people have annoying habits and traits. Chances are, she was just being nice to this guy and it spiralled out of control.

I have a guy friend who used to send me naked pics (unsolicited) and I broke down and sent him a photo of my breasts once. I cared about this guy a lot, but there was nothing between us but friendship and sometimes a mutual ego boost (both of us knew this ... so neither of us were really trying for anything more). Sometimes he'd try to sleep with me because most guys try to sleep with their female friends, but there was never any real expectation that it would happen on either of our ends. But, emotionally, we've been through a lot together as friends, so his perviness isn't enough for me to completely send him packing. I still care about him as a friend -- but I could see how this could have happened if he didn't know I had a boyfriend (which can happen if you've been out of touch). Her showing you the texts is a good sign that she's on your side and not trying to start something with this guy.

[kholland65]

This is spot on. I've known loads of women like this. Women just don't have it in them to tell someone to basically f*** off, like men do. Women are also much more forgiving for the sake of friendship. She'll put up with something toxic to have the support of the friend.

[bittersweet17]

Yeah, this! It can get pretty bad, I was in that situation once... I didn't say anything when I should have. I didn't say it because I didn't want to hurt the guys feelings. All I did was try to get away. It was so wrong! So it would be really good if she was told how to deal with things correctly or she'll get into all sorts of tricky situations.

[Opinion Owner]

In my particular case, the guy was a pretty good friend -- he'd give me advice, help me with stuff when I needed, be there to talk when I was bummed. And I'd do the same for him. But sometimes his sexual annoyingness would really be a pain. But, like I said, girls put up with a variety of annoying habits for friendship, because, in the end, it's mostly worth it.

[Josegonzalez628]

I agree

[Lett0385]

Look as a women I respect my boyfriend and I don't talk to any guys if I know they're trying to get with me, why, because of the respect in our relationship, in my opinion the way your girlfriend approached the situation is wrong, She didn't need to reply to his 1st text from the beginning, why bother, if the guy gets his feeling hurt, who cares!.

Also, a guy wouldn't sent a naked pic to a girl just out of the blue, are you sure she didn't erase any text messages?

Anyways bottom line is if the relationship is this serious in where marriage and kids have been a subject she needs to respect you more, and start ignoring those guys who are obvious they're trying to get with her.

[Asker]

she said she didn't delete any texts. apparently you can't delete individual texts from a iPhone. is that true?

[Lett0385]

i have an I phone and yes you can,you can edit the conversation and delete individual messages or the one you want. she lying

[greenbeans23]

I have an iPhone and didn't know you could do that...

[Lett0385]

yeah on top, it has the edit bottom

link

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

I don't think you're overreacting. Even if you are, it sure as hell isn't by much. Still, there is something else to do. I mean she could always just block him, and furthermore, why the hell is she still talking to naked dudes from her past in such a friendly and familiar way anyway? I mean she's dating you, so when he messaged her in the first place with all this "i miss you" stuff, why the hell didn't she stop him there? Why all the small talk? If she stopped him there, there wouldn't be a naked photo a couple nights ago.

I'm with you man, this doesn't feel right.

If there's anything left to do, I would say it's for her to make things abundantly clear with him, tell him not to call again, and then block his phone, emails and whatever else.

Thing is though, if this stuff continues to bother you down the road, I think you better call it. If there's no trust, or if your trust is so damaged after this, you may wanna consider ending it. Because there is no reason you should be worried, suspicious or paranoid in any way shape or form when it comes to you significant other. You shouldn't have to worry. This shouldn't have to bother you.

Think about it.

[That-Guy]

yea, I'd be a little bit weary of this.

Like you've said, the back and forth before her ultimately saying "hey... this needs to stop" should raise some questions of her somewhat enjoying it but then felt guilty. It's tough though since I'm sure there's a part of you that wants to say "hey, this is okay" but I know the other part is going WTF is going on here.

Jealousy: it's okay to feel this from time to time and the way you handle it is spot on. Telling her that it makes you jelly and that you need reassurance.

I think you should just tell exactly how you feel. Tell her you love her and that the fact that the convo went on a little longer than you think it should bothers you but for her to worry about it. It's just something that she may think about in the future as she knows that specific person will evoke you to be jealous and for the right reasons.

[the_black_mask]

nicely put.

[That-Guy]

"but for her to *NOT* worry about it.

[Deepthinker25]

not even reading the description, if some guy sends your girlfriend a nude pic, if he's not gay you pretty much have the right to kick his ass

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

I only semi-agree. You have the right to be pissed off

[katiesmuff]

It does sound a bit murky here like maybe she is wanting a bit more of the ex'es penis in her. The general thing would be as you said let him know off the bat she's taken and leave her alone. Must be a way in this electronic age also to block a person from calling or texting you.

[the_black_mask]

There is. It's ridiculously easy.

[haleyyyyy]

i think you might be overreacting a little bit

She hasn't been sending him flirty texts. Maybe she should be a little firmer when she responds saying she has a boyfriend.

He just seems to be very persistent unfortunately.

[greenbeans23]

I don't know what to say regarding her telling him she was thinking about him the other day...you should ask her what she meant by that...but, personally, if I was in her position I would either totally ignore the guy (if he was creeping me out and I didn't want to be friends with him anymore) or, just say something neutral ('aw sorry') to be nice (if I didn't want to be too rude because I still wanted him as a friend). At least she told him she has a boyfriend so hopefully he'll stop now, but basically the only thing I think you should do is have a talk with her again and tell her how uncomfortable it makes you that she still lets him talk to her when it's obvious he's trying to get with her. If my boyfriend was REALLY uncomfortable like that, I'd respect him and seriously tell the other guy to back off.

[Brando]

Yeah, you're slightly overreacting. The understandable part is asking what's up. The unreasonable part is asking for the reassurance and the extra effort for you to prove she's yours. You don't need to prove that to anyone but her. She hasn't done anything wrong and actually went above and beyond the call of duty by showing you their previous texts.

You're worried about some random guy, not your girl. I say drop it because your girlfriend isn't being shady to you. Some random side sent her a naked pic and it surprised her just as much as it did you.

[Cryostatic]

Nude pics = friendship over. Not negotiable.

[xxbebosxx]

you are not overreacting

[Anonymous]

lolz.. i'd rather break up with her than having pills for my paranoia... or would you rather want to share her body with another guy... sending other guyz nudes is like sharing herself...

[Anonymous]

Forward it to everyone in your contacts.

[Deepthinker25]

lmboooooo

[Anonymous]

You're not overreacting. I like your approach, you seem to have a solid mindset, perhaps suggest to her a better way of dealing with those things. Come to something you can agree on! Perhaps even block that number... I duno, you really just need to have a good talk with her.