Sexual Health
+1 y

Guys can I pick your brain for a little bit to figure out what it is about me that guys do not like?

I’m 18 (in roughly two months I’ll be 19) and I’ve never had a boyfriend, never been asked out, etc. I have a couple guy friends but not much (before anyone says that I’ve friend zoned them and that I should look there for a potential boyfriend, most of them currently have girlfriends and the rest are either gay or I liked them/flirted and they didn’t like me back). Below are possible reasons why I might be single…I’d REALLY appreciate any insight you can give me! 1. Too shy – this might be a possibility because I tend to be more on the reserved side and somewhat of a wallflower in group settings. However, I warm up quickly and I make friends easily so I don’t see why this doesn’t carry over to getting the interest of guys. I’ve seen y’alls responses about shy girls that in general you like them as long as they don’t look deathly afraid of talking and that they do at least open up and keep the conversation going. So idk... 2. Too tall – I’m 5’9” and I’m taller than some guys I know. I know that a lot of guys don’t like girls who are taller than them and I’ve read on here how a lot of tall guys like petite short girls. However, I know that there are guys out there who do like tall girls…just not sure what that percent is haha. 3. Not attractive / too attractive – Everyone has their opinion on what they consider attractive. A girl who is hot to one guy is considered ugly by another guy. I’m not going to post a pic and ask to be rated or anything like that…. but I’m fairly certain that there has got to be some guys out there who find me pretty (and probably some who don’t find me attractive). So maybe I’m not being approached because they either don’t find me attractive OR maybe they’re intimidated? Maybe? 4. Too smart – I personally don’t consider myself a genius or anything…I just study hard to make good grades. I’m not arrogant or a show off either. I’ve heard that it might be an intimidating trait but at the same time I’ve heard that some guys like smart girls….so idk… 5. Too innocent – Is that even a turn off? Haha. I don’t party, drink, etc. I don’t judge others who do…they can do whatever they want :) 6. I’m Christian (I assume only Christian guys would be interested in me) I’m known for being pretty laid back / calm so I’m definitely not one of those crazy in your face type of Christians. Is there anything that I’m overlooking? I see other girls like me with the same traits I have, but they have boyfriends. They’re nice girls with nice boyfriends in great relationships.
Updates:
+1 y
it seems a picture would help after all haha

link
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • Lets break this apart, one by one:

    1) Being shy is cute, but being too shy is annoying. If I were to talk to a girl and she becomes more and more secluded and quiet, it can be quite hard to penetrate your wall! Sooner or later, this guy would give up and you would have lost another potential boyfriend. So warm up to guys but be wary of those who only want to talk to you for some "fun".

    2) Being 5'9" isn't that tall but to some guys who are self conscious about their height, it can be quite intimidating. Besides, self-conscious men are not date-able material. I don't see height as being a major factor.

    3) It's hard to say if you're attractive or not because we have no pictures to look at. Just ask some of your friends if you're attractive or not. MAKE SURE THEY'RE HONEST! I don't think looks are that important as long as your in the 6-10 range. Besides, your boyfriend won't be looking at you more than he's talking to you.

    4) Guys who are good boyfriends usually like intelligent girls. This gives both of you more interesting conversations. As long as you're not like those people who openly profess their intelligence and show off, it's a plus to be smart.

    5) It could be that you're too innocent and at the age of 19, men might think it's wrong to date you because they don't want to take your innocence. Overall, a girl who doesn't drink, party too much, smoke, and judge, is a very good package. I say this is "generally" a plus.

    6) As long as your not in their face, trying to convert them, it's not a major factor.

    Maybe you should look at how you communicate with guys. Try to have meaningful conversation and not just random chatter. After a while, random chatter would die off and you two would be bored together.

    • i included a picture in the update

  • Nope I think you just didn't meet a guy yet. Most guys will only flirt with a girl who seems like they're a flirty type. Innocent girls aren't a turn I prefer them they're cuter. But your not going to have a random guy approach you. It's going to have to be a scenario that allows him to actually get to see what your about. Come on haven't you watched a walk to remember ;)

    • haha I love that movie :)

    • Sshh don't tell anyone so did I

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I know you are quite shy but you have to get rid of that shyness to stand any chance with most men. If you continue to be shy, you will continue to fail to build up a rapport with any guys, and so will have reduced chances of finding a guy.

    After this initial stage of making him feel like friends, you have got to get him to think of you in a sexual sort of way, instead of just a friend. Eventually start talking to him about sexual stuff again from a friend point of view (just to emphasize he's not going to get any from you). Once you start to get to this stage you should start to awaken his desires (maybe his desires for sex but at least you have got him to think of you as more than a friend).

    After this you should start some light flirting with him. Just verbal flirting at first. Then move onto touchy flirty. Though if you are close friends you may feel you can move onto touching earlier, indeed light and accidental looking touching might in itself work and make him take notice of you (but this is a more risky way to advance things early on).? When you start flirting and touching him, he will start to convince himself that he has persuaded you that he is not just a friend and you want to move to more than that. One of the things you have to be careful of though, is avoid getting too sexual, too soon, otherwise he might want to have sex before you are ready.

    Hopefully you can both then negotiate a date with each other. This is all going to take time, and it's important that you both go through these stages at the same pace. Too much flirting, too soon is a mistake and too much sexual advances from him, too soon is going to scare you off. So it's important that you both mirror each other through the flirting and sexual stages.

    All this should sound like fun to you, so go ahead and give the various things a go.

  • I would date you if you aren't one of those brain sucking leeches

    • haha thanks :)

  • A picture of you would have helped to give a better opinion

    But I assume its just because guys think of you as an untouchable so for a change ask a guy out

  • It's either too shy, or unattractive is what it comes down to for initial attraction. If you really want an honest answer, it would help to put up a picture. If not, it can be inconclusive. Guys are often very visual creatures (shallow as hell I know). So knowing what you look like would give at least some direction to finding your answer.

    • I'm going to answer very truthfully. I would say, and follow me on this one, it's your looks. You aren't ugly or pretty, you're average. As in, you have the capacity to stand out and turn heads, but it doesn't look like you put in a style or a flair. Try this, get a new haircut, try wearing contacts, and light makeup (don't try too hard). I haven't seen your clothes but try something that's stylish and noticeable, but with a slight twinge of modesty.

    • Experiment with this style for a bit, but don't change who you are. Try to be a little more open with your personality, it doesn't mean desperate and clingy, but more like a personality that is polite and intrigued when someone talks to you. That's a magnetic personality to a lot of people. Give this a try for a month or two and I'm positive your chances will improve vastly.

    • thanks for being honest :)

    • Show All

  • Hmmm...sorry if this sounds like a pickup line, but...

    Maybe we should meet up. I know there's an age difference and all; but you kind of sound like me at that age. ;-)

  • Okay, the pic helps.

    Here's some harsh reality for you. You're not very attractive right now.

    However, like the proverbial ugly duckling, I can tell you will be a smoking hottie in a few years.

    I'm not saying you're ugly now. That was just a metaphor. If anything, I'd use the term plain to describe you.

    Guys (especially young guys) are very hung up on looks.

    Couple that with the Christian thing, which may imply you don't put out... that could put a lot of guys off at your age.

    But dear, in a few years and with some good stylists and what not, you will be beating guys away with a stick. You remind me of Helen Hunt when she was young and rather plain looking.

    link

    • advice noted. thanks :)

    • Have to agree fully with this guy. Your looks have potential but to be perfectly honest from looks alone I wouldn't exactly be running across the room to talk to you. But I wouldn't exactly say you are ugly. Also depending on how open you are about the fact that you are a christian can turn people off. I for one have started to steer clear of them, just because I feel like they aren't any fun, both in and outside of the bedroom, and I'm not even the crazy, sex crazed, party type guy.

    • haha I'm not asking to have guys coming at me left and right. but even plain looks coupled with a great personality has to count for something right? I'd consider myself pretty fun (waiting til marriage for sex though) ... and I mentioned above that I'm not the in-your-face type of Christian.

  • You sound really awesome in my opinion, maybe you're so awesome guys will look lame compared to you. Really though id say they are just not sure how you feel about them, so they are scared to ask.

    • so maybe try to be more approachable and flirty?

    • In a non slutty way.

    • haha of course

  • Too shy is probably a big thing (makes it hard to hit on girls), might be annoying for some guys to date a girl that studies hard and finally not to be rude you look very plain.

  • 1 - nothing wrong with being shy. it is cute and attractive --> male protective instinct kicks in.

    2 - you're not even tall. most guys are taller than you (which means most guys are OK with your height).

    3 - there will always be someone who finds you attractive. unless you're very fat more than a few guys will find you attractive.

    4 - guys don't like to feel inferior to girls (especially not to their gf). it's obvious you're very mature and intelligent. you need to find a guy who's intellectually superior to you.

    5 - some guys love party sluts/bad girls. some guys are attracted to good girls (they tend to be more feminine in my opinion).

    6 - I'm an atheist, but I'd date a christian girl (as long as she isn't obsessed with religion).

  • I think you sound charming. However, girls like tall guys so maybe they think they are too short for you?

    Girls say even at 5'1 that they like me 6'

    • i guess that's possible...height doesn't matter to me though. I've crushed on guys who were 5'6" and 5'8".

    • since most girls only like guys that are tall its automatically assumed you like guys well over 6'. I am 5'10.5 and I have liked a girl who is almost my height but I didn't try due to her height as I would be too small for her

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