How do guys get one-night-stands?

[Anonymous]

I'm not much a fan of them, myself. But it seems like random sex is half normal these days. What I'm curious about is how these guys not only meet a new girl when everything is considered creepy these days, but actually get to the point where he isn't hated and shoved away for wanting sex. And then actually get's in bed with her. All in one night! I mean, heck, simply telling a girl she's attractive randomly is probably grounds for arrest these days. And at a place like a bar or party or something, the moment a guy starts talking to a girl ,Analytical-mode comes out, and everyone is looking to twist it all into ill-intent or something. I'm certainly not into one-night-stands, and I'm looking more for a long-term relationship than just sex or something. It would be REALLY NICE to just be able to state that I'm interested in someone as more than friends, or just friends if that doesn't work out. I would just like to be able to state what I want, rather than p****-foot my way around it like it's some sort of taboo. Because simply put, I'm not around near enough girls to gradually get to know them, then befriend them, and then (if they hadn't been taken already) show I'm interested. I would like to be able to have my interest in them as a basis for getting to know them better. And I would like for people to understand that that's okay. If they aren't interested, well, it's not like you ruined some long friendship or made it awkward. You can' still be friends. There are guys out there who do this all the time for purely sexual reasons, and I honestly don't know what planet they're on.

[kheserthorpe]

You are confusing workplace sexual harassment legislation with what is permissible in a public place.

It is not illegal to hit on a woman. It may be illegal for employers to allow a workplace culture that allows coworkers to pursue unwanted sexual banter. But there is no law that prevents you from walking up to a woman in public, and flirting with her. Unless you persist to the point that you are stalking her and she gets a restraining order against you and you violate that order, you're not going to jail.

Ill intent? If your intent is to flirt possibly with it leading to sex (in or out of a relationship) then that IS your intent, you are ALLOWED to have that intent, and nobody is 'accusing you of ill intent'.

Its NOT a taboo to be looking for a sexual long term relationship. You can tell every damn woman you meet this.

And the whole befriend first is ... a bad move. You're simply putting off the point in time where you actually express sexual interest and find out if she's interested back or not.

Wanting to have sex with your friends tends to undermine the friendship in a lot of cases, unless you're getting laid elsewhere.

[swiftsaver602]

This.

[Asker]

I've actually been accused of ill-intent before. Specifically, "special attention". The reaction was, well rather psychotic. But a whole department didn't seem to have any trouble thinking I was stalking or predatory for telling a girl she seemed cool. While I certainly believe you, my personal experience points in the other direction.

[kheserthorpe]

What do you mean by 'a whole department' School is not 'public'. Schools often have rules during classes or between grad students in their work environment that do NOT apply to, for example, bar. But I've never heard of anyone being vilified anywhere for sayi g someone is 'really cool'. I suspect there's more to it.

[Anonymous]

"when everything is considered creepy these days"

You see, stuff like that shows you clearly have no idea.

Everything is not considered creepy these. Creepy is a word applied to guys who lack basic social skills, who don't realize what they're doing is freaking people out. Those guys very often continue their weird behavior , rather than change, because they don't see anything wrong with demanding that the entire world change it's perceptions of "normal". That in itself, should show you just how not-normal those guys are.

To get a one night stand, you need a few things - the confidence to make the play, the charisma to make her feel attracted to you, and a bit of luck to get her thinking that there's nothing wrong with giving you a go. That last part can be done in a variety of ways, though alcohol is often a component. Mostly, I find that it's about appealing to her sense of adventure, of mischievousness and naughtiness. Making her feel the thrill of the breaking of social convention. If you can get her to see the appeal of throwing caution to the wind, you're practically home already.

[eatmealice]

random sex has been common for centuries.

usually (though not always) being very physically attractive, also dressing well and having good social skills, charisma, being funny, and confident usually work. and putting yourself in the right setting, knowing which girls to go for, etc. this is what I gather from my male friends who sleep around.

[normalice]

I guess the question then becomes: what is the right setting and how can one know which girls to go for?

[dudeman]

for as long as marriage has been a big thing casual sex has not been common when it does become common the society that practices it soon dissintegrates

[eatmealice]

i repeat: random sex has been common for centuries. even prostitution was legal for a very long time in countries where marriage was a "big thing." illegitimate births have been common throughout period of time in places where marriage was a big thing. I could go on but I wont. any grasp of history shows you that despite ideals of piety, people have been f***ing around casually for a very long time. lets not even get into war and slavery.

[eatmealice]

right setting..bars, clubs, house parties. sometimes its in your house. like, I know one of my friends had sex with a guy after hanging out at his house all night discussing random things. the person probably matters more than the setting. there's no formula for every girl. so many different types will sleep with you. however some types may be more sure things. if you can see she loves attention or has low self esteem or she's all over you and sending you signals that she's dtf, reputation, etc.

[eatmealice]

all kinds of girls. I've known shy wallflower types who are easy (my friend who had sex in the guys house), loud attention loving ones, low self esteem, high self esteem, etc. all depends on the person but look for signals - body language, words, etc. of course even my friends who sleep around won't have sex with just any guy. if you're really ugly, have no style, and horrible social skills, it may be much more difficult. if she finds you very very attractive, chances increase.

[eatmealice]

its not limited to any kind of rule, but some rules may lead to more success than others. idk. honestly I think if you're attractive and a good socializer, and you have an actual social life, one night stands will probably just come to you without you having to work for it. my guy friends who sleep around the most are just very social, confident, and damn good looking.

[katiesmuff]

Find a girl in the mood and just come out and ask! I cannot tell you the number of guys who I was just having conversation with while working (I'm a bartender) and by the time I got off work we were on our way to my place and soon his black snake would be working its way inside me.

[love_life1987]

Simply put. The guy has charm and is attractive. He then lies and tells the sexy girl he is wanting a relationship. Girl falls for it and bam. Or they are both just wasted beyond belief.

[DebiPie]

How do guys get one-night-stands? It is simple...The girls they have one night stands with are looking for them too. It's that simple.

[Asker]

So the difference between a creeper and a stud is not what or who the guy is, but whether or not the girl wanted him at first impression?

[DebiPie]

No, it's whether they wanted each other. And he isn't a stud...not by a long shot.

[justincider]

In general, the easiest way is to find a girl on a mission. Just broke up with someone, had something happen to motivate them to look for it. There are usually a couple running around the bar on any given weekend night. Beyond that, find a girl you already kind of know. Then you are not the random creeper. Good luck!

[cyrus7]

be good looking or have really low standards

thats about it

[moviedude714]

good-looking physically, or perfect social-skills

[buckIguy]

Most of the time the girls want it as much as the guys. For a guys side, it comes down to being attractive and finding the girl at the right time as far as being drunk, her friends are all dancing with guys, etc...

[Anonymous]

Dude, it might look like one nighters are all over the place but it's just that the ones that get to do it are just loud about it. So relax. Some of these guys go to places and to lengths for their stories that might even suggest they're psychotic. There are a few people who are just sexually free and don't care as long as it's mutually entertaining for both people, But the work it takes to find these people and not get scammed is too much to justify it unless that's your lifestyle and willing to take the risks.