My boyfriend says he loves but wants me to have sex with other men as it turns him on; does he really love me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend fantasies about it all the time, even when he 'makes love to me'..masturbates over it..wants me to do it with his males friends, my males friends should an occasion arise etc. Loves it when other males find me attractive and should they flirt with me in front of him or vice versa. He has a colorful past...been married to a prostitute etc ..it all seems normal to him and something he's always seems to have done with a partner. Says he'll feel more committed to me if I do and always respects me.. Says I don't have to but would love it if I did.. which is pretty much very evident when I'm faced with some pressure from time to time. I couldn't possibly watch my partner whom I'm in love with have sex with somebody else and enjoy the humiliation of it, so how can he if he really is in love with me like he says. I'm confused. Please shed some light on this.

[samhradh_leannan]

He can love you and still have this fetish. However, if he says he needs you to do it in order to feel more committed, that seems like a bad sign to me. Decide whether or not it's something you might feel comfortable doing, and then talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel and ask him how he feels. Don't let him pressure you if it's something you don't feel comfortable with. If you don't want to do it and he continues to ask you to, then that's not a good relationship to be in, and it could say something about how much he loves and respects you.

It's not possible for me to guess how much he loves you based on this information. You really need to discuss this with him and get a feel for the situation yourself. But I do know that if your relationship is healthy, you won't feel pressured or expected to do anything you're uncomfortable with.

[Anonymous]

only he knows how he feels, why don't you ask him and tell him everything you said here. At your age you should know better, and when your in a loving mature relationship, especially a sexual one you should be able to communicate and share all your concerns. If you can't you need to work on that or consider not being together.

That being said, from the outside it seems like he doesn't love or respect you and he certainly doesn't cherish you. This is some wild fantasy that you ask of someone that you don't truly care much about or don't plan on being with long term, maybe that's why he's not worried about offending you with this request. If I were you I would be questioning his loyalty and intentions.

[NoOneListens21]

I believe he can still love you even though that turns him on. If you don't want to do it then it seems as though he respects you enough not to force you to do it. It's just something to consider. =)

[MrOracle]

Your boyfriend has a "cuckold fetish" where another man is having sex with his girl, and he feels shamed and humiliated because he's not enough for her, nor could he stop it. It's not among the more common fetishes, but it's far from unheard of either. But if he's trying to get you to live out this fantasy in reality, and you feel uncomfortable with it, then don't do it. It's one thing to experiment with things that the two of you do together, but it's something else entirely to bring a 3rd person into it. That's something that BOTH people have to really want, and both people have to really have massive trust and respect for the other or it will destroy the relationship.

[Cryostatic]

Sometimes I'll fantasize about me and some other random dude f*cking my girlfriend. I think it's because I get off a bit on her getting off, and part of me thinks she'd enjoy that. Usually the fantasy involves me tying her up in some fashion, blindfolding her, and then bringing dude in for some simultaneous ravaging.

But I'd seriously grind a guy's face into the pavement if he ever touched my wife sexually in real life. Fantasies are fantasies, reality is quite different.

[kholland65]

I personally could never be OK with something like is and its probably a very rare trait, but it may have something to do with ego. Maybe watching other people have sex with you, desire you, flirt with you, makes him feel good because it makes him feel awesome knowing that he's got the girl everyone wants. IDK, just a guess.

[NotSoBad]

People aren't the same. He may very well be happy with a woman who sleeps with other men but if you aren't comfortable doing it then you should not do it. I say move on because if this is what he wants, you can't comfortably give it to him and he is pressuring you then it isn't going to work.

[kheserthorpe]

He enjoys the humiliation of it. It turns him on.

Not my thing, but you could talk to other couples in a 'cuckold' relationship.

[Anonymous]

Sure he can still love you.

[Anonymous]

Most guys wouldn't want this, so I couldn't really put myself into his mindset. It turns him on, but if you feel uncomfortable with (which I doubt most girls would), then tell him that. Sounds like more of a sexual fantasy relationship than a loving relationship, but again, I can't really understand why anyone would want this with someone that are committed to.