Sexual Health
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He told me to stop masturbating with a vibrator and dildo because "that makes me gross." Help!

I bought a vibrator thing - it has two parts. The vibrator that's on top for the clit and then dildo part that had these bead things that roll around. I guess that's the best I can describe it. My boyfriend was VERY upset that I bought it. He didn't like it at all. I was mad that he acted that way. We don't see each other THAT much that we can have sex every day. So I went ahead and bought it. And he saw it when we were like half through with having sex, so he just stopped! It was sitting on the headboard and he saw it. I was pretty insulted. And he was being such a jerk that he wouldn't finish and got blue balls. I don't know if it was to make me feel bad! But it worked! I've only used it like 5 times since I got it. He got all most guys would be so pissed! And he told me that the clit part isn't hot or anything. It looks "vibrated". I didn't know you could tell if someone uses a vibrator. And he told me that it's probably not going to be good for him because I probably got loose. Which hurt my feelings because he always talks about how he would never have sex with a girl like that. He also said that it just made him think that I was having sex with another guy because it was a dildo. I thought this whole thing was incredibly immature. He's normally really nice and loving. And then this happened! I was shocked! Is this a normal thing? Is he being weird and mean? I'm just totally confused. We've been together for two years! And he'd never said a thing about people who use them.
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This is weird.
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He's just being a jerk.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • hahhaha. Well I'm sorry I can understand the part where he doesn't want you to get loose (not to say you are...I would not know if you were either way. lol.) but there are kegel exercises if it really is that big or stretches you out too much.

    There are also kegel exercises for men ^_^ which should be beneficial to both of you =)

    So in the end that shouldn't have been a problem to begin with. He probably took it as an insult that you had to get one because you know...You have him. It probably hurt his pride or whatever.

    Feel free to tell him that he can't be around 24/7 and it keeps you satisfied while he's not there. Plus it keeps you from going and doing something with another guy and keeps your urges under control. Just like when guys masturbate even if they have a girlfriend. It's just another way to get off. There isn't anything wrong with it. I'd just talk to him about it.

  • It was very disrespectful and out of line for him to say that. Talk to him about how it made you feel. He probably felt threatened and reacted to that, but it's still not okay for him to say that.

    You CAN'T tell someone has used a vibrator. There is no such thing as a vagina looking "vibrated" or getting loose from using a vibrator. Only inserting something really huge would have any impact at all. Your boyfriend is being extreme and immature about this. Discuss it with him.

    For me, responding that way and being so hurtful about it would probably be grounds for a breakup. Whether or not that's the right choice for you, make sure he understands how much he hurt you and why it was crossing a line. It is your body, and how you choose to masturbate when he is gone shouldn't concern him unless you choose to involve him.

    • (I didn't mean to make it sound like I was encouraging you to break up with him. That isn't necessary. I'm just trying to make the point that it was vastly out of line for him to behave that way and that it's not unreasonable to have a strong reaction to it.)

  • While I do believe most guys would LOVE for their girl to be adventurous, but there is a "right" and "wrong" way to introduce sex toys into the bedroom. Furthermore, there are some guys who simply don't like the thought of their girl masturbating or who feel intimidated by toys.

    I guess he's insecure and feels like the vibe is a threat.

    I think he overreacted to be honest and has some insecurities that need to be dealt with.

    But that doesn't mean you should quit masturbating or using the toys. Just try to keep it away from him and without his knowledge. Before ANYONE trips, I'd say the same to a man in this situation over p*rn. Be more discreet and respectful about it

  • First of all, the item you describe is a Rabbit, or maybe a generic version of it. Second, if your boyfriend really cares about you and your pleasure, he wouldn't be bothered by you having toys. If anything, he should offer to help and use them on you! He's being selfish, and also insecure of his own abilities in bed. Just reassure him that he satisfies you, but that having toys thrown into the mix can only spice things up and make them better for both of you. If he truly cares, he'll want to help you receive pleasure in whatever way works. Good luck!

Most Helpful Guys

  • This guy is just weird. All of his reasoning is completely off base. If he said he didn't like it because he was afraid he was afraid you might get too used to it, or that you must have bought it because he doesn't please you enough. I would say he's not as crazy. Wrong, but not crazy.

    Saying you look vibrated or it will make you lose is borderline retarded. Is he 12? As long as she still seemed to want sex as much as before with me, I would have no problem with it. In fact, if it were me and I found it sitting there half way through sex, I would have grabbed and decided to give it a try and use it on you.

  • Hes being completely immature about it. Especially if you guys do not see each other that often, why would it be a concern to have one? Most guys would be turned on by the thought of a girl using a vibrator so him saying that you using a dildo is like having sex with another guy is like a guy masturbating is like another girl giving him a hand-job

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 10

  • He's jealous. Although I wouldn't want to be, I wouldn't be able to help myself from not feeling at least a little jealous either. Also it would kind of actually make me think you were preparing to dump me (which is super scary).

    Sorry if it sounds ignorant and stupid, but I am being honest about how I would feel (I can't help it. I would get jealous).

    • I won't lie. That's weird. That's like telling you not to masturbate because it's like a girl's vagina and you're gonna dump whoever you're with. It doesn't really feel good without a vibrator. I can't have an orgasm without it. So if I want to feel good it's not okay for me to use it? I guess you have to be a girl or you don't understand since guys can have orgasms just using their hand. C'mon, guys who are immature like this... grow up.

    • To clarify: I'm not against the masturbating part or anything like that -I'm all for it. But, I dunno. Would you feel weird if he bought a crazy fleshlight or something? Wouldn't that kind of weird you out?

    • No, it wouldn't bother me. If it's good for him... go for it!

    • Show All

  • The only thing you could have done is told him ahead of time, but he's being insecurely ridiculous. It is truly amazing how much we learn about our partners when we engage in sex activities.

  • He was definitely 100% overreacting. He probably feels like he isn't good enough and you had to go get one of those to make up for it.

  • Nothing gross about a girl getting her self off, just like there isn't when guys do it, definitely sounds like a jerk to me

  • I don't know why he would react this way, the only thing that comes to mind is that he's very insecure about his own performances.

    Personally, I'd love to use a toy on a girl so for me it wouldn't be a problem.

  • He's just a jerk and likely feels REALLY insecure. Stop dating children :|

    • Also, I should add, I'd probably be encouraging you to play more :P woman getting off is HOT as hell and if I were going out with a girl? I'd want to see her pleased as much as possible (but there are limits, can't have any other person than I doing such to her, no guys or girls, I don't care for bringing anymore than 2 into a relationship or sex, aka her and I).

  • It's basically a plastic d*** so of course it looks totally gross to us!

    ..but it's just a plastic not real and that's the best way how girls can pleasure themselves anyway, so I think he's not being quite reasonable.. unless you're not giving him enough happy.

  • either your guy is pretty stupid, or like sixstring said, he was ranting because he's self conscious with jealousy that a toy is possibly working your body better than he usually does.

  • instead of telling him you bought this, he found out you had it. This is where the problem is, he now thinks you hide things and wha else could you be hiding? This isn't immature, he's upset because you're not open about how you feel when he's not around. I dont think he'd react this way if you told him you get super horny a lot and want to buy a toy to please yourself. If you wanted to keep your toy private, why did you have it in the open for him to see?

  • So are you still with this guy?

    • Yes, I convinced him this is a normal thing.

    • Good because it is

  • Use it on him then he will understand your needs

  • This is crazy.

  • Lol yeah he sounds quite immature, but also it'd be smarter for you to talk anout these things before hand so this kind of things are better managed as a couple and both people find a compromise and even find something exciting to share together.

  • Sounds strange.

  • Sounds like you got a rabbitt, which I do not find intimidating especially as the insertable part is not very big. If my girlfriend whipped out a 9 inch dildo that was considerably thicker than I was, you are basically telling him he is not big enough for you. It can desensitize you, make you less responsive to sex with him, and it can stretch you out once you get used to it. His reaction was a bit much, but you are not being very sensitive to how it makes him feel either. If p*rn was impacting your sex life (v just a substitute) you would be upset, and he feels this will. Just talk to him about it

  • i would have responded, "suck my d***." but then I probably wouldn't be dating a guy like that in the first place so...good luck. the best and only real option is to sit down and ask him why it grosses him out, and then tell him that its normal to have sex toys and you want them so he should respect that and tell him that it offended you, the way he reacted. I don't see this turning out well to be honest, but again, good luck.

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Home >  Sexual Health  > He told me to stop masturbating with a vibrator and dildo because "that makes me gross." Help!