How much do you value sex? What does it mean to move to fast?

[thatkidfromcanadia]

So I don't understand this concept of moving too fast or why sex is such a big deal. WIth my current girlfriend, sex is just something fun that we both like to do, many of our friends are like this as well, As soon as a relationship blooms, sex is involved right away (provided some relationships start as Friends with benefits) It just never seems like a big deal, and the idea of moving too fast doesn't make sense to us. Its never been detrimental to our relationship before, in fact, it makes it stronger. But most of the people on here always talk about how much their virginity means to them, and ask questions about how far they should go etc...

[selfishstars]

I value sex a lot, but I think I value it in a different way than a lot of other people do.

A lot of people value sex in the sense that they think it's special and want to limit who they have it with (i.e. it should only be shared with someone you love, or it should only be had within the context of marriage).

I value sex because of the value it brings to my life. Sex with someone I care about is intimate, pleasurable, fun, and allows us to share an emotional and physical connection. But I find casual sex to be valuable too. It allows me to share pleasure with another person, it's fun, I learn more about myself and about sex in general, and I have a chance to experience things that I might not have otherwise experienced.

When people are concerned about "moving too fast", I think that there's generally three main reasons for this:

1. They want to have sex with someone they trust and who they know respects them. Depending on their views about sex, they may feel like it should only be shared with someone they love and are in a committed relationship with. They don't want to be hurt by another person either physically or emotionally. They want to feel comfortable with the other person before they have sex with them. The amount of time it takes for someone to trust another person and feel comfortable with them varies.

2. (This mainly has to do with women). Women are still judged quite harshly for their sexuality. Having sex "too soon" or having too many partners can earn a woman a reputation as a "slut"; and there are many men who wouldn't date a woman who they feel is a "slut". Because of this, many women feel the need to be careful about how soon they have sex with someone, in what context, and how many people they have sex with. They want to wait until they're in a long-term, committed relationship with someone, for fear that the other person might see them as a slut if they have sex too soon, or for fear that if the relationship doesn't go anywhere, they've just "added another notch to their belt".

3. Some people worry that if you have sex too soon, the relationship will become sex-focused. The relationship will be about sex, rather than developing a deeper connection. (This has never been the case for me personally).

[toulouse]

toi me, it was just about pain, & making sure I trust the guy to not turn psycho in the middle. going slow was to make it as non traumatic as possible. nothing to do with preserving virginity. just a technical issue.

yeah, I think if you're into someone& you are BOTH ready, sex is a great way to enjoy being together. no point in playing games with it.

tho for me, since id never been with anyone, I wanted to experience other things first. sex is sort of the grand finale & I didn't want to miss out on a lot of things that, I think become less significant, after sex.

but I could easily see going right into sex, if id had it already liked the guy & we were comfortable, together.

& yeah. 6 out f ten relationships, start with sex. I think this site is full of the other 40%. and the rest are not exactly IN a relationship..

[toulouse]

Also, if virgnity means something to YOU, that's fine. that's your business, & no one has the right to tell you, you're right or wrong. but if it means something to YOU, I don't think ud be asking people on GAG, how far or soon you should do it. that's more about worrying what OTHER people think. not what YOU think. that's a pathetic reason to have, or not have sex, imo. its certainly not good fir the relationship, as its fake.

[thatkidfromcanadia]

Im not asking other people but there are many people on GAG who do.

[toulouse]

i didn't mean _you_ you. I meant 'one' you. anyways yeah. people do ask. & I don't get it. my virginity is important to me, so how soon do you think I should have sex? if its important to u, you decide. your virginity , is not important to me. also, the, if I have sex too soon, shell think I just want sex, or hell leave. either you both want sex, or you dont. if you dont, you might think he's after sex, if you don't want to be with someone, you might leave after sex. but sex, isn't the culprit. imo.

[Anonymous]

Sex can make you lose focus on cultivating the more important aspects of a relationship. So many people get caught up in their sex life; getting f*cked, getting licked and sucked, that they fail to prepare their relationship for things that are way more important than getting an orgasm. Maybe this wasn't the case for you personally,but I have seen it happen a lot. This is actually happening to one of my friends right now. Her current relationship is falling apart and I'm pretty sure it has to do with her sleeping with him wihin the first week of talking to know him, then building their relationship on sex, trying to be desirable to him mainly based on what she could do for him sexually, and overall focusing so much on sex that she did not promote growth in other, more important areas of the relationship

[thatkidfromcanadia]

I didn't say that sex should dominate a relationship. I think there should be a balance.

[Opinion Owner]

I didn't said you said that. I'm just answering your question.

[kholland65]

Have to agree with anonymous user

I'm like you QA. Generally speaking, I don't mind having sex fairly early on, and I never have understood the concept of "taking it slow". I'm one of those people that just does what comes natural and if that means moving fast, then so be it. Just depends on how much chemistry we have. Plus I make up my before I get involved with a girl. If I'm dating her, its because I already have a strong connection with her, but because I met her yesterday.

That being said, I still try to put off sex at least for a few weeks. Sex can cause a relationship to lose focus. Early sex can lead people to want nothing but that and relationship becomes purely physical. You're view is subconsciously altered to see the person a more of a f*** buddy then someone who you actually want to have relationship with. Sex can also cloud a persons judgment. Once sex comes into the picture, it can force people to not think clearly. They may end up becoming attached to a person they shouldn't be with. They may end up deciding to stick around just because they're getting sex. For some it may alter their behavior because they feel no more work is needed on their part.

Basically I just try and make sure everything else is in order, we trust each other, and we truly like each other before we start having sex, that way its just putting the roof on the house as opposed to building the foundation.

[thatkidfromcanadia]

I don't see my girlfriend as a f***buddy at all, and it bothers me that you would say that. Sex isn't necessary, just fun. I waited a few weeks before having sex with her as well. Seems like you entirely misunderstood my question.

[kholland65]

No I did not. You just assumed I was referring to you in all my examples. I'm was simply speaking in generalities and giving examples of what can happen.

[thatkidfromcanadia]

My bad... that's been happening too much today...

[RebeccaSJ]

Sex is awesome!

[Anonymous]

sex is a big deal because you can get pregnant from it. I would only have sex with someone who is good and decent enough to be a dad, and someone who loves me and doesn't just want to use my body. Also I don't want to get stds and condoms don't garantee you won't get one.

I don't get pleasure out of sex. So I will only do it for love to make him happy. I will never do it for fun.