What do you think about sowing your wild oats before settling down?

[Anonymous]

i'm in my early 20s and I've never been in a sexual relationship. I would like to marry and settle down one day, but not anytime soon. maybe in my 30s. I can't see myself as somebodys wife right now, I feel like if I were to marry young it wouldn't last because you change and grow so much. your 20s are about learning who you are and finding yourself. that being said, what do you think about dating lots of people and having fun before you settle down? I've heard people disparage the practice saying "no guy wants a girl whos had all this fun and then wants to get with him when she's 30" but its like come on, do you really want to get married at 23 and expect to stay together until you're old and gray? and have that be the only person you've ever known. seriously? that idea sounds so unappealing to me. what do you think

[Anonymous]

Im not really interested in guys with conservative views on sexuality or women, so that's not really an issue for me. I'm not looking for them now and I won't be looking for them then.

i think its great, if that's what you want to do. if you are emotionally prepared and know its what you want, then you should do it. if not, then you shouldnt. either way is great if its genuinely what you want to do and you're responsible and somewhat smart about things.

thats my only advice. be responsible, be smart, and be careful, don't trust everyone. having fun doesn't have to mean being naive or falling so hard that it destroys your world. I've known people like that. listen to some trusted loved ones, but most importantly listen to yourself. all the nay sayers in the world won't be there when you're alone in your head and thinking of all the things you wanted to do but didnt, thinking about the person you wanted to be but wouldn't be because you were concerned about what other people thought. that's a recipe for unhappiness in your future life, or worse, complacency.

also most guys around me don't expect women to stay virgins until marriage or get married young, and aren't doing that either. its probably a regional thing, I live in a very liberal city, but even nationally people are getting married less and older. you have more to bring to the table if you live your life, have different experiences, accomplish many of your goals, even have a great sex life, before you get married, if you want to get married. life doesn't have to stop there, of course. you can (should) continue that throughout your marriage but obviously its not as easy. and you're more likely to have a rich life in marriage if you had one before.

im kind of in the same boat you are. I'm 22 and I haven't had a real relationship and I'm a virgin. I've been changing lately, haven't had sex yet lol but I'm going out more and having fun. its all because of insecurity really, and discomfort with myself, because I don't have any beliefs about waiting until marriage or any of that nonsense. I do want to have more fun, but I don't need to find myself. I'm pretty sure of who I am as a person, I've been that way for a while. I do want to reinvent myself, but not my personality or my values or anything, just the way I live my life and what I'm doing because I'm not happy with what I've been doing. its time for a change, a long over due change. I'm not a wild child though, and I don't really desire to be. nothing wrong with it, but I know that's just not in my personality. I also learned a lot from my mom who has been with her high school sweetheart since 16 (my dad lol) and isn't very happy these days. she has always told me to wait until my 30s for marriage. I already decided that before she chimed in, but she definitely made it clear.

I don't really care about the people who have the opinions you mentioned in your question. They aren't even on my radar, like I said in the beginning. This is about my life. You live yours.

[Flippydaydream]

no you change allot your right, I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years since we were 17yrs old, now we are 24. when we first started dating we both used drugs and smoked weed partied. I have since taken the sober route in life for a few years now, no drugs, he quit all drugs but not weed, he loves it, and I hate it and he drinks every day. I love him but I have left that life behind and think negatively of it because of my own experience and the effects weed has had on my family, my dad is an alcoholic too. Basically I don't want to marry a person who smokes weed and drinks, like my dad. I would choose a new man differently than him because I have changed, but because we have a new baby, I am going to stay and try to give him more time, I hope he comes to his senses. I strongly agree that people change, allot even in a short time, like 5 years. when people are older and more set in their ways, it is a better time to find a life partner absolutely. It sucks when you love someone so much but hate what they do so much it hurts.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you 100%. Do what you need to do before settling down. And even then don't settle for anything less than you deserve. Good girl!

[Mikespence03]

As a guy who DIDN'T sow his wild oats and has been married for almost forty years to the same woman, my advice is: DEFINITELY SOW YOUR WILD OATS.

While I love my wife and we remain best friends and deeply affectionate, there are a ton of things I learned about myself -- and her -- after we were married in our early twenties that I really, REALLY wished I had learned before settling down. Learning these 'things' in the context of a variety of relationships might have affected whether I ended up marrying this particular woman or not. It's impossible to say, really, since life has so many twists and turns.

Some of these 'things' are sexual in nature, in terms of basic appetite, adventuresomeness, etc. Sex was never the foundation of our friendship or marriage, but it could have played a much larger and more fun (!) role if we had both had more experience before we got married. Because of the religious environment we were in at the time -- long since abandoned -- we didn't even really talk about sex before we got married, except to agree to wait. Those two things -- not talking about sex and waiting to experience it with each other -- are my two biggest regrets, without a doubt, with regard to this particular relationship.

I don't want to give the impression that my married life has been just one long trail of huge regrets, because it hasn't. But I truly wish I had sown my wild oats and learned all the lessons that would have come from that. So I say "Go for it!" with the attitude that any guy who is going to give you grief or reject you because you have some depth of experience is a shallow lemon of a guy to begin with.

[seasidehermit]

Do what you want, so long as you are clean about it and don't catch anything then your past is simply that, your past. When you are 30 and ready to settle there is no need to discuss the numbers or intimate adventures you took part in.

I chose to have sex cause I knew once I had it I would wonder if this was good or if it was bad, as I would have nothing to compare it with, as it turns out its pretty much all good lol.

I think it is possible to settle down early and last, but you would have to have found the 'right' person, which would be rare even at 30.

I say go have fun and explore while you can, just be safe about it so nothing becomes a life long issue.

[Mtsmith]

Do what you want. If you want to date, have a couple of relationships, that is your choice. It,is your life and time you are dealing with.

Be safe, all that stuff everyone warns...no STDs, no unwanted kids.

Have your life, live it well. But be honest to yourself, not what others might expect...

[taster]

That is how I lived my life...(:(:(:

[TokusatsuComicLover]

thats how I am

[Happygoluckyboy]

I could not agree more with you. I want to have as much fun as possible when I am young.

[Anonymous]

You should live your life how you want, but honestly, it's such a turn off. I'm not saying I want to be that only one in a girl's life, but all that "having fun" is not someone I want to get involved with. I doubt I'll be in a long term relationship anyway. It's not worth it.

[Anonymous]

I had my fun, sowed my oats, married mid 20's, divorced late 20's sowed more oats and settled down early 30's..it lasted and lasted and..well you get the point.

Have some fun. learn some things about yourself, about whom you're attracted to, about what you want from life.

I never hoped to marry a virgin, I'd rather have a wife who'd chosen me for the best sex rest of her life.

I don't want to be her first or her fifth, I want to be her last!

[Anonymous]

i'm 24 and still a virgin, glad I'm not alone