Why is it impossible for me to get laid or a girlfriend?

Please read... I'm 25 years old, have never held hands, kissed, make out with a girl, let alone have sex with one... I'm not a virgin by choice because I have a high sex drive if I could I would have sex multiple times a day but sadly I have not gotten to that point... I was always overweight (not obese) since I was a kid and always was as I was growing up so I grew up indoors playing games. I was a loner in school had no friends... Then I grew up and was still kind of a loner and up to this day I have never been inside a nightclub, stripclub you name it... funny thing is that I'm actually not bad looking at all I've been hit on by girls but I'm pretty self conscience... I drive a Scion-FRS and make almost one grand a week and it still isn't enough to get girls to want something serious with me and so far the ones I have gotten to know seem to try and take advantage of me and use me for my money or to get their things done like I'm their bitch. I Don't know what is it about me that makes me seem like an easy target to attract only girls that don't seem to care about me and only want to use me. I went out with a girl twice and took her out to fancy restaurants and bought her expensive drinks and even tho she seems humble and nice she did not touch me throughout the date or kissed me, and neither did I because I was nervous about kissing her at the end of the date. Then there's my uncle who is young like me and he meets any girl online... chats her up and within a day takes her out buys her a freaking dollar burger and gets in her pants... i feel like I'm never gonna get any action let alone find a good girl What do you people recommend I change about myself or how can I change my personality to not be taken advantage of? I'm honestly not very shy now to talk to a girl at all or maybe compliment her... But I don't know how to go from DATING STEP to SEX STEP
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Oh! that was long

    okay first according to my "long reading" you seem to be nice but I can't get to the exact problem about you if you know what I mean .. but it depends maybe the real thing 's there .. but it 's just missing in the article .. seeming to be easy 's the most thing that would push a girl away .. so as to that advantage part really don't care about what others want the girl who deserves you would never ask for favors she would only like you for what you 're .. you have to believe in you .. here in egypt it 's rare to find someone who cares I have a boyfriend since 2008 and it 's working though a lot of guys in my neibourhood 're like " I would never ask that girl out pffff" but you know to me WHO CARES ABOUT WHAT THEY THINK

    any girl has ever left you it would be because of what she thinks about you which 's something you don't want to hear and really you don't have to spend all that money to drag someone to bed because girls generally want that guy who takes the lights as they say .. not the one with some money .. girls never have sex with someone except when they really think of him as the charming prince .. so I can tell you nothing but to be Bold and tough about your business no favors for greedy people and think well before taking any step , it requires a lot of thinking and a lot of work .. and be yourself , don't care about anybody's opinion of you ..

    long reply for a long article I wish I helped .. :)

  • Why is it impossible for me to get laid or a girlfriend?

    Possibly you're not confident, interesting, fun to be around, or social.

    What do you people recommend I change about myself or how can I change my personality to not be taken advantage of?

    Depends on your personality. Though as you're a guy my suggestion would to not think "being nice = she'll become attracted to me" or "I spend money on her = I bought her body".

    "I Don't know what is it about me that makes me seem like an easy target to attract only girls that don't seem to care about me and only want to use me. I went out with a girl twice and took her out to fancy restaurants and bought her expensive drinks and even tho she seems humble and nice she did not touch me throughout the date or kissed me, and neither did I because I was nervous about kissing her at the end of the date."

    If not being touched/kissed during an expensive date is an example of a gal not caring about you and only wanting to use perhaps it's best suited to either pursue prostitutes, not spend so much on dates, or not equate spending money on her to getting touched/kissed.

  • Well the nice routine isn't taking you any where so try being an jerk :) jk. I say have more guts women usually don't approach men first or go for the kiss. Maybe try going against your instinct, I know people are always like follow your instinct but like if your nervous and you think you shouldn't kiss the girl just do it. There are few consequences either she likes it or doesn't. Maybe don't take girls out to fancy place on the first date. And don't expect so much sexually on the first dates. Keep working out keep in shape. If you just want to get into a girls pants go to a bar and find a really slutty girl problem fixed

  • You have to make the first move, most times girls will not make the first move. If she is dropping hint then try to make some moves. Just start trying to hold hands or something. You are so nervous, just relax, take deep breaths and man up :)

    If you just throw money at girls expecting more you will be waiting a long time.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Frankly and honestly: From what I read I got the feeling that your "strong man" thing is mostly for yourself. Your text reads like you're doing all those things to convience yourself that you are the kind of man you want yourself to be (hence your strong self-esteem).

    Have a neutral look at yourself from outside. I know it's hard, so maybe you get somebody to do it for you. But don't choose your friends, they will rather try to comfort you. Ask those you're not that good with and ask them what they don't like about you - you'll be surprised (I tried this when I was some 22 and had still not had a girlfriend). Many things you think are features of yourself are actually very annoying to other people!

    Secondly: Turn from dreaming of being a man into really being. Take the lead! Girls don't like guys hanging around them and obviously waiting for the women to make the first step. Step up to a girl and tell her that you like her hairstyle (or whatever). After she took the bait you can withdraw a little and see, if there's any interest coming from her. Girls will answer on the same level (e.g. if you talked to her first, she might talk to you first at another chance if you have her interest; if you kissed first, she might do it first at another occasion, etc.) But you have to take the first step on each level.

    Just go for it and don't be afraid of being spurned - it will happen a lot!

    • well I'm honestly very laid back... and pretty quiet... I don't really socialize much unless I'm at work since I manage a retail shop

    • I never talk to a random person let alone a girl in the street unless he or she is working behind a counter and I am shopping... and when I do talk to a girl I try to be funny to seem like I have a sense of humor and most of the time they laugh even tho I feel like what I said was not even funny... it's the only thing I try to do to cover my insecurity and a little shyness I truly feel inside.

    • Hey man, i am very much like you, except i have little to no confidence, my friends say i look good, but i dont believe them because i haven't had a girlfriend for 8 years and the relationships i was in then can't really be called a relationship so i've never had a decent relationship. Anyway, i drive a nissan 200sx s13 and i get loads of attention from driving it both from guys and girls, i talk to a lot of people through cars, but noone seems interested in me, almost feels like people are using me to get something, i've been a "loner" for the past few years since i moved to another city, before i moved i could easily talk to girls get their attention and get to the "next step" but ever since i moved i became extremely self concious, forgot entirely how to speak to a woman and now i can barely say hi to a woman without feeling like a complete idiot, oh well #singleforever :p #driftlife i honestly dont know :/ just wanted to let you know you are not alone..

  • Pampering and catering to girls tells them that you are insecure( a yes man) and honored to be in their presence. It tells them that they don't have to put forth an effort or show mutual interest to earn your generosity. You are attracting girls that want to take advantage of you because you are putting out the wrong signals; insecurity and timidity. Girls want confident, go-getter types, as opposed to guys that are looking for their approval or trying to buy their vote.

    Steps you can take to improve yourself: Hit the gym. Exercising regularly will give you a testosterone boost that can ultimately help you build your self esteem. Become a good and diverse conversationalist. A guy that is knowledgeable, humorous, and tells good stories is intriguing to the common girl. Girls like to talk. Invest in your appearance. Buy yourself new clothes to always be on point. Girls like well dressed guys.

    Last but not least, don't play the "nice guy role." Create sexual tension, compliment and flirt with her. Without being to aggressive, put out signs that will let her know that you want to date her and that you are a good enough catch to expect her to feel the same.

    • What kind of things can I say to a girl that is both flirty but not too aggressive?

    • Well, personally I always complimented a girl when I first arrived at her door, but I would also make her laughin the process e.g. when I knocked on her door and she would open it to answer, I would drop my jaw slightly, then act as if I had the wrong door and walk away, then quickly turn back and say I knew you were fine, but I don't knew if I could handle this, I don't know if any guy handle this. Of course, that makes them smile and laught a bit. Compliment her eyes or physical attribute

    • Don't just compliment the way she looks. If she is articulate or her field of work/ views impresses you, then compliment her on that. Show interest about what makes her tick and what she's looking for. I personally think that a guy shouldn't compliment a girl more than 3x during the course of a date, because excessive complimenting may come across as artificial or desperate.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 5
  • Stop feeling sh*tty about yourself, stop pampering girls in order to get them into bed, stop having the wrong ideas about how to attract girls, and most of all...stop devoting your entire existence to trying to get laid or to get any kind of female attention for that matter.

  • Hard to know but it seems to me you're doing it to yourself.

    From your comments to cyrus you are turning opportunities for sex into 'I'm her bitch'

    You realize that when a girl asks you to do her favors, you say yes, but when she jokes about you riding her then invites you in you say no.

    she need to buy you flowers and take you to a nice hotel?

    • Of course they don't need to do that for me but the fact the it's not her house it belongs to some lady that doesn't like her to have company over I figured nothing was going to happen since the lady (owner of the house) was home hence why I said no... but after I told what had happened to my co workers they all joked about it and they all told me "you should had gone in" which is why I felt like I f***ed it up... I don't know man I have been told I'm very naive etc... I don't pay attention to the hints

    • In any case stop trying to spend till they jump you. Doesn't work. you actually have to try to get somewhere physically. this girl still asking you to 'ride her' home?

    • yes pretty much every night from Wednesday night till Saturday night I take her home... and on Saturday I also pick her up... I waited for her outside on Saturday for like fckin 40 minutes till she finally was ready and came out...

  • you said you're good looking, but you said you were overweight

    did you lose that weight and get in shape? how tall are you?

    • i wouldn't consider myself in shape more like average... I lost some of the weight to a point where I get hit on or chicks smile at me... I'm 5"8... I just wish I could learn from guys that know how the "game" is played how to do things right... how to get chicks to fall for you or even have them wanna sleep with you... like I said in my post I tend to attract girls that play hard to get or players that only use me for my cash or to drive them around so they can run their errands and sh*t

    • ... you get hit on and they smile at you too? dude stop being a little bitch, you're already ahead of %80 of other guys, learn not to be their bitch, learn to say no and have a spine

    • Like this hot girl for example I met at work... I honestly don't even know her we talked maybe 5 minutes before she asked me for a ride home because she has no car... I said OK since we both clock out at same time (different shops) when she was in the car she's like ("So your gonna "have" to ride me home until I get a car eventually") I replied... "i have to?" and she just laughed then she was like "stop right here in this store so I can buy some beer... when I pull over she's like...

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  • questions like these really kinda make me have a hatred for women sometimes

  • Girls usually won't make the first move, you have to do it. I'm dating a guy now and been out with him 5 times, he still hasn't kissed me just held hands. I'll wait till he's ready, I'm not going to kiss him first.

    • That makes sense because it's the same with the girl I have gone out with twice... we haven't held hands or kissed but she throws hints that seem like she likes me... when I sent her a text asking her if she is a good kisser she replied "i don't know... that's something you will have to find out on your own "eventually" "

    • yeah well ask her out again, if she likes you she will accept the date. Just man up and kiss her if you like her.

  • You should pay more attention to your uncle. Talk to him.