Isn't saving sex for marriage a big risk?

[Anonymous]

sex is not the only component of marriage but it is a big component of any adult relationship in the end. some people say if both parties are virgins they "won't know better" but I don't know I am a virgin and I sure would know if I enjoyed it or not, plus it's not like I've never been fingered or eaten. others also say if you've made out a lot, fooled around, and feel very attracted to each other the sex will probably be good between you. do you think that is true or just a myth to keep it in your pants? i'm a virgin so to start having sex would be a big deal for me..i would only be comfortable in a relationship where I trust the person. but I am very horny and I cannot imagine walking down the aisle with someone I have never had sex with. the reason I waited was because I need to be with a guy I am in a committed relationship with, who I trust. I had boyfriends before but we didn't sleep together, I was 16 and 18 and wasn't ready yet. now I'm in my 20s, I feel ready to have sex with someone under the right conditions, but I just can't imagine having sex with somebody I am not in a relationship with, nor can I imagine walking down the aisle and committing for life without knowing if I enjoy sex with this person. Whether I end up walking down the aisle with my next boyfriend or a few down the line, I just feel like I need to experience that. The only downside is if you fall into a relationship and can't get out because the sex is just too amazing but you don't think you are with the right person...if you leave you may miss the sex but if you stay you may have an unhappy relationship. Argh. Input?

[DutchAtheist]

Sex is a major part of an adult relationship, I'd think it would be wise to explore it before you commit to a partner for the rest of your life. The way I see it, you can't have a real relationship without having sex, that is just friendship. Although I respect anyones choice, I would be reluctant to date a girl that wanted to wait. Not because I must have sex right away, but because I'd think she takes sex way too serious, so serious that she probably will be boring or prude eventually. Sex is also a major trust thing, if you don't want to sleep with me while we are in a relationship, you are not fully committed. You are not giving yourself 100%, in that case, I don't really know you.

The most honest, loving moment in a relationship is when you make love, no conversation, dance or cuddle can ever top that. I'm not taking that leap, a bad sex life will ruin a relationship.

I would strongly recommend my future kids to have sex before getting married.

I would strongly recommend anyone to know about sex before getting married, as well as: partners job, career plans, wish to have children, religious/ethical believes, political beliefs and so on.

Not that you have to be soul mates in every single way, but so you know what to expect and evaluate beforehand if you can live with that.

[Asker]

yes. sex isn't such a big deal that I want to wait for marriage and I am by no means a prude but the last few guys I dated I just did not trust. and we were not in a relationship. I agree with you.

[Asker]

but when a guy who does not want to be in a relationship expects sex he can shove it because if you aren't committing yourself to me why should I share my body with you? that's how I look at it. if we are committed to each other and you are only getting it from me of course I would give it to you, if I didn't want sex with a guy I wouldn't get into a relationship with him.

[DutchAtheist]

Well, what about like a '3 month rule'? I figure that's about the time you can get away with "I'm not ready yet, but it'll come soon enough". You don't tell him about the deadline and see how he reacts. I waited more than a year for my ex, if you really like someone, it's not that big of a deal.

[Asker]

that is a good time frame. if we re in a relationship and I trust him I might not even feel the need to wait 3 months. right now just finding a guy who wants a commitment seems like a blessing because I've been with many jerks. one lied and when I wouldn't have sex told me sex is the path to a relationship. not true, if the guy likes you the relationship will precede the sex, even if that's not his normal way, he'd respect it if he likes you and that's your way.

[DutchAtheist]

Just make sure you don't push away a good guy. Like we both already said, sex is a trust thing, you have to start trusting others so therefore at some point, you have to start having sex again. Just let them earn it (trust as well as sex).

[Asker]

yeah I just honestly did not trust them.

[kheserthorpe]

Sexual compatibility issues are not really about the mechanics of intercourse, but rather about style of sex, style of initiation, how wild, how frequent, how to handle imbalances in desire, etc.

I suspect if you're getting each other off, you have a lot of insight into those things.

I also agree - you can have had no experience and still know your sex life is bad.

There are tons of couples out there for example having sex less then ten times a year. The partner who wants more then that knows their life sucks - they just don't know if its because they're so unlovable, or if they're unlucky.

[snowangle]

I'm a virgin so I don't know, but the way I see it, as long as the couple is open and willing to learn, they can fix the sex. My two close friends lost their virginities together, and they told me it was pretty awkward/messy at first. Now they've had almost a year to practice, and they say they've gotten a lot better and the sex is amazing now.

[Anonymous]

It could be a risk but if you've fooled around a bit, both would probably already have a decent idea of how the sex will be. Personally, I'm waiting for a committed relationship and more than like an engagement ring. I highly doubt I'll be able to last until the wedding night though judging from past relationships.

[Valhalla]

premarital sex is like opening your gift before your birthday, but I will get curses for saying so, as I am old fashioned.

[Anonymous]

i don't think it's a big risk, it's important yeah but it's not everything