Sexual Health
+1 y

Why do people act like being a virgin is something to be ashamed of?

I just feel, like every time I come on here. I run across a question, that is phrased in a way that makes it sound like the person thinks being a virgin is something to be ashamed of. And, I just want to know why ? These questions are asked, by both men and women and I can't understand why one would find shame in being a virgin? It's very perplexing! It's no secret by now that, I'm a virgin and that I'm saving myself for marriage. And, I not ashamed of it! In fact I'll tell anyone that will listen that I am one, I'm proud of that fact and I feel no need to keep it under wraps. There's various reasons for my choice to remain a virgin until I marry, and many reason why I know saving myself for marriage is right for me. However, no matter what you may think of my choice. No matter what reasons you think I have for being a chaste. No matter what you may think of me as women or what opinions you may form about this. The simple fact is I DON"T CARE! I don't care what you think and I won't allow this to society to make me feel ashamed of something that there's NO shame in. So, Why all the shame, for being a virgin? Please some explain this to me, 'cuz I'd really love to know! Thank you! : )
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Well, supposedly virgins (especially male virgins) suck at sex.

    I'm afraid I'll suck at my first time (like I'll just get overstimulated immediately and end up shooting off way too fast or something). I'm also afraid that if it is with an experienced girl she will not stick around to give me enough chances to get better (and if I am bad, I worry if I can and will get better).

    As a result I'm for saving it too, but the marriage thing isn't foolproof (my father was a saver and my parents still divorced) and I am no longer tied to any specific religion (ex-Catholic). I also feel somewhat ashamed because people will think I am shallow for including sexual compatibility as one of the requirements for marriage (you are saving your virginity but not for marriage? AND you're a guy?! how absurd!), but if I didn't I would feel like I ended up marrying my best friend if it turned out we aren't sexually compatible (we really like each other as people but don't have any desire to have sex with each other). That would actually kind of be like hell for me; me sexually craving her but she not wanting anything to do with me in bed, yet both of us are stuck in this situation for the rest of our lives.

    If life really does turn out to be a video game with a high score screen at the end, maybe I would get some sort of special achievement for dying a virgin. I mean I would rather have the double-v achievement (my friend told me about how he and his first girl gave their v's to each other and that they will always have a special relationship with each other as a result), but at my age the only way that happens is via marriage (and it would suck to marry a chick who had no sexual chemistry with me).

    Since I'm like the Batman right now I do not have to worry about shame and will admit this upfront.

  • First off props for being committed to waiting until marriage for sex. It's not easy to do in this day and age with the pressures of society and it takes a strong willed person to hold to it, so I think you're awesome for doing that. Now to your question: it's looked down upon because we are in a sexual revolution these days. People, especially the young, are doing it all the time with many people (or so we are pressured to believe) and so society has deemed sex as an act that us young people should be having because everybody else is. If we choose not to, by society's standards there is something wrong with us. We are either hideous losers that nobody wants to have sex with OR we're bad at sex OR if it's our decision to wait, we must be religious extremists which everybody doesn't like. That's pretty much why being a virgin is looked down upon, due to the ignorance of society. Humans today feed off the need to follow the status quo. Many are afraid to go against the grain and stand up for and follow their own set of standards so they buckle and follow society and the "norm". It's sad really. I know MANY, MANY people who regret the day they lost their virginity because they did it out of pressure and frustration and these are people in their 20s, 30s, and 40s. I know I never look down upon someone who is a virgin, especially a girl. Sex and losing your virginity is a very emotional thing and shouldn't be thrown away because everybody else is doing it. Choosing to wait until you are married or waiting until the right person comes along to share that experience with is a very respectable decison that shows you have standards and are not willing to settle or give in to pressure.

    • I really liked your answer, and I consider it to be the best answer! : ) I don't give out best answer's, ususually, only when I deem it appropriate to do so and this definitely, quailfies as that! : )

    • Thanks! That means a lot, glad I could help. It's nice to see that there are still a few women out there who aren't jumping from guy to guy.

    • You're welcome! : ) And, you did help very much so. And, I think it's nice that you appreciate the girls, that don't jump from guy to guy, so thank you.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • I agree with everything @animalwithin said, and couldn't have phrased it better myself. I am a virgin, 20y/o, and I fully intend on waiting till I'm married before I have sex. I have been looked down upon by other people, especially guys. Just because I'm not gonna jump right into bed with you(being guys) and be a FWB or have cyber sex, phone sex, sexting doesn't mean I'm a prude or uptight. I am proud of being a virgin. If people can't respect my decision to wait, then I'm not gonna respect any of their decisions.

  • Their lack of experience

    The fact that after sex, especially for girls, that they become emotionally attached. Usually

    People usually have sex after a certain age to be considered in the norm.

    A lot of people may wonder WHY you haven't had sex

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I think its because most people, especially in today's progressive world, that if you are a virgin, it wasn't by choice, but by lack of ability to get laid. Especially for men. That's because in this day and age, rarely are there people who choose to remain a virgin. I feel you though. I was criticized a lot when I was younger because I chose to wait until I was 18 and in a serious relationship. People thought I was gay or a loser or something.

  • I act like it's something I don't care about.

  • Im 28, stil a dam V, and I am not ashamed of it, because I have followed the road to value (japanese symbols for ethics and morality) to not get involved unless there are feelings involved. I do not want prostitutes because the idea of f*** for money is low. I do not like it when girls I am atracted to notice me when they are drunk or high on drugs. I do not go for girls I am not atracted to, because I have too much self respect not to lie to myself or go for these unantractive ones to escape ignorance of the society. There is so much anger, hatred and jelousy in me that I can't even enjoy living in moments with close friends. All my life my parents have said that I am not normal, I have ADHD and I should accept it and not try to be anything. If my parents saw that I was below normal, that must be the reason why all the hundreds of girls I have asked out on dates have rejected me without a chance in hell for a single date. The aftermath of a date request oftern leads to destruction of friendship, which is even harder to bare. Now I know better that to earn a right to be loved, you have to be like superman.

    Fact of the matter is, in the world of dating, I am unatractive to all the ones I am atracted to. Like love/hate relationship. I love them, they hate me (or the idea of us being a couple).

  • People have put a lot of effort into undoing slut shaming, but very little effort into undoing virgin-shaming. Or even "creep" shaming of unattractive guys.

    Basically, its starting to go for women as it has gone for men for quite some time. Your ability to get laid is now being attached to your value and lovability as a person. It so often motivates men into sexuality for all the wrong reasons, and I imagine we could start seeing the effects on women as well.

    "Luckily", I suppose, actually LOSING your virginity is less of an uphill battle as a woman. You're "the desired who must choose from her selection of suiters", rather than "the undesirable who much prove himself before being worthy of her company". Overcoming such is why a man would more likely be considered a "stud" for bedding several women.

    But still, sex for the wrong reasons is sex for the wrong reasons. I'm a virgin myself, and have had several opportunities to "lose my v-card", but I suppose I'm picky about who I'm with and how it develops. "getting laid" is hardly something I would consider to build some sort of ego, and hopefully a lot of other people get that as well.

    Opening up sexually is a big step, and not a light one. No need for someone to judge the 40-year-old-virgins just because they lost THEIR virginity while they were still into boy-bands, just learned what an orgasm was, and had little idea about the emotional implications.

  • well in a guys perspective, there is far more pressure from life, society, culture, the media, for guys to lose their virginity by a certain-age, but girls can be a virgin at almost any age and not get made fun of, frowned upon for it

  • It is for a guy. There's no denying that. Both girls and guys look at the guy like he's strange.

    For girls? Are there any virgin girls past the age of 17? Very few if any. They're all kind of easy, don't you think?

  • It's mostly asked by men who are near their thirties. The social pressures are that a man who hasn't had sex by then is less of a man. It doesn't really apply to women.

    • This is true, I can't really think of much more to add to this other then men talk about all the sex they had from the night before in large groups.

    • Men do brag about such things. It is men, not women, who add pressure to the numbers.

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