Is oral sex ALWAYS important to guys around age 18 in relationships?

[LollyPopsicle]

My boyfriend and I are both 18. Things started out innocent but after (over) 2 months he has progressively tried to steer things in a sexual direction. I feel like it is too early to do that after 2 months but he has the opposite idea and thinks you shouldn't time these things, and it is human nature. I mean, when we were making out and I got on top of him, he got disappointed because he "thought I was going to do something." But we've talked about it and now he says he "doesn't expect me to do anything back." Now when we make out, he has been wanting to touch me down there but I always get too scared. He hasn't done that to a girl before; I haven't done anything sexual before either. Also, what is the difference between being scared and not being ready? One time when I said to him "I like finding ways to make you happy" and he said "Well there are ways to make me happy but you probably don't want to know what they are because you're not willing to do them at this stage hah." How can I not feel pressured by that? But now he wants to finger me and says I "don't have to do anything back to him, but I just want to please you." I guess at age 18 relationships aren't innocent anymore. Well especially at a time when 13 year-olds are running around doing more than I've ever done. But still. By the way, I know for a fact that he is not trying to use me. We have had ups and downs and been through things that nearly tore us apart, like when I once did something that hurt him badly about the way I acted at the prom, and it ruined his night. But luckily he forgave me. And he is always there for me when I need it and I just know he cares. So please don't doubt that. I'm going over to his house tomorrow. Which I should be looking forward to, right? I am, but he's probably going to ask if he can finger me again and I usually feel uncomfortable about it. I adore him but how will I ever be ready for going further if I keep getting so nervous? He feel like he has to be "soo patient with me" but.. really? After 2 months..? Any advice?

[kheserthorpe]

Being 'ready' ...

well there are two things.

One is being ready as a person to have sexual relationships.

The other is being ready within a given relationship to be sexual.

2 months is plenty of time for the latter. Its not a matter that you 'need to know him more' or need to know he's only dating you. As far as your relationship is concerned, you've waited long enough.

The problem is that you aren't waiting for the relationship to reach a point where you are ready. Its that you are waiting for you to be ready as an individual for that type of relationship.

To be honest, you should probably break up if you're not there. I don't believe you will, but this is going to get worse, not better. You're going to feel more and more pressure to do something your'e not ready for, and he's going to feel more and more rejected and undesirable and uncared for (not even touching on frustrated) as he hears about other people around him randomly hooking up, while his girlfriend who 'loves' him can't even bring herself to touch him, let alone actually feel excited about the idea.

Note I said 'if you're not there'. You asked the difference between 'scared' and 'not ready'. I think that's an excellent question to be honest. I think its normal to feel apprehensive about doing things for the first time even if you are 'ready' - the idea that if you're ready it will feel natural is to me not true. Nothing feels that 'natural' when its new. I think for a lot of people (i.e. most guys) their desire is so high that they don't care how awkward and nervous they are - its worth it.

Maybe some girls can weigh in on how to tell if you're 'ready' but nervous vs. not ready. If you're ready but nervous, proceed slowly and enjoy each step. If your'e not ready, well I gave my advice, though I doubt you'll follow it.

[stubbsy]

your right to feel nervous, because when your ready, you won't be nervous, your be excited, so just tell him to stop pressuring you as it will take longer for you to accept the idea of having sex with him, he should calm down after that, but don't allow him to make you do something your not ready to do, otherwise it will ruin what you both have already, if your important to him, he will wait, and don't do anything unless the thought of him touching you and vice versa excites you and the nervs are pulses of extasy, every girl should wait until she is ready, not when the guy demands it, good luck and stick by your guns,x

[Betwyn]

Ok, so I agree with him on how you can't time it.. it is human nature and should just happen when you're both ready...

That being said, you do not sound ready yet.

YOU set the pace...

but how far have you gone? You talk about making out, is this all clothes on, just kissing making out? or are you guys groping and grinding too?

Some "petting" through clothes.. some dry humping.. nudity.. should all come before hand jobs and fingering if you've never done anything before.. you need to work your way up to stuff.. become comfortable with it..

[taster]

Agreed^ Great Answer!...oh..and by the way QA...there IS no such animal as "ALWAYS"...or "all" either../:/:

[EverythingReal]

I don't like this guy, he's pressuring you to go outside your comfort zone. He needs to wait until you are ready to make sexual advances. You should talk to him and law down the laws of your body. He shouldn't be pressuring you for things you aren't ready to do yet. My boyfriend and I waiting four months before doing those things, maybe not normal, but we were both completely comfortable with it and a year later here we are still together. You should never feel obligated to do anything.

[Anonymous]

Eww...He is not a keeper. Two months isn't very long. If he is the right dude for you he will wait. And if he was the right dude for you then you would also want to do it.

[Married-in-PA]

In all honesty, you should not be in a relationship like this, if you are not ready for sex.

Friendly courting is fine, so is going on dates, but if you are playing around with him like this, of course he is going to think "thoughts leading up to sex".

The bottom line is if you feel pressured, you should break it off immediately, rather than give you guy blue balls.

[littleredbird]

At such a young age the sex hormones are extremely active. Of course HE is looking for sex, oral or otherwise. It is part of growing up, of maturing into a well-balanced and considerate adult. As well as considering his 'wants/needs', he should also consider yours.

From your response to his advances, it seems your values are NOT the same as his. There are two approaches - let everything rip, what the hell. The other is the cautious approach, the approach that doesn't paint YOU as being willing to do everything 'for your man' and being something of a slut. My advice is "tell him to wait for another few months so as to ensure it isn't just a passing infatuation". If he is willing to do this, then I guess he really is serious and not just selfish.

[jackflynn7]

Take your time.

There are four (of many) undeniable rules regarding sex and relationships.

1. Almost all guys are irresistibly addicted to sex by design. We need it almost as much as water.

2. Normal girls are rarely, if ever, irresistibly addicted to sex. Most girls may like it but can take it or leave it and do without easily.

3. Guys have the advantage in relationships, socially. Power and tradition are on our side.

4. Girls are at the advantage in relationships sexually. Sex is something you possess and we want.

Use your power to create a trusting, loving lasting and stable relationship. 2 months is probably not enough. Reward him with baby steps for being good to you over time. You are not obligated in any way.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I understand exactly where you are in your relationship. It sounds like you've made out a fair bit and that you feel like you're being pressured for oral. But there are usually a couple of steps in between there. Have you given him a hand job? If not, would you be okay with that? It'd definitely take the edge off and help him relax around you.

If you feel like you have a good connection with the guy, then just take it slow and do what you're comfortable with.